PM Roundup: Elijah Dukes, Now Cleaning Zoos
Baseball, Courts, Legal, Media Gossip/Musings, NBA, NFL April 25th. 2008, 3:15pm
Denise Richards, filming some show or the other, is now 37 and has two kids. Celebrating (almost) the 25th anniversary of Lee Elia’s tirade! Patrick Imig’s up this weekend to take you through the draft madness.
Elijah Dukes is cleaning zoo cages. Sensory. Joke. Overload. (St. Pete Times)
Awesome: Mel Kiper’s Myspace page. (Joe Sports Fan)
Driver with road rage accidentally shoots himself. (AZ Star)
Former MLBer Doug Glanville with a good read on young vs. old in MLB. (NYT)
Buried in here, a scout implies Vernon Gholston may have gone all Canseco. (Yardbarker)
Sad that these type of minds exist. (MSNBC)
We have some old Michael Merriweather football cards somewhere; now, he’s suing someone about something. (TMZ)
Wesley Snipes will probably beat some ass in jail. He’s tough, right? (Bloomberg)
Bob Costas talks about the big show we told you about weeks ago. (Orlando Sentinel)
MLB managers are getting all crafty this year. (WSJ)
Disagreeing, rather vehemently, with Jerry Jones. (Dallas News)
Dan Shanoff is feeling honored today. (Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Blog)
Loving the Luis Landry combo. (Dreamshake)
It just wouldn’t be draft weekend without a Matt Millen post. (The Handsome Club)
What will become of the Madden Curse? (Flotsam Media)
84 Responses to “PM Roundup: Elijah Dukes, Now Cleaning Zoos”
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April 25th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
I think she’s flat footed.
/the only guy not looking at her tits.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
denise richards yummm
April 25th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I’d let her give me Charlie’s gonorrhea.
Wait, what?
April 25th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Is it too easy to make a Wesley Snipes/California Penal League comment?
April 25th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
You’re thinking of Blade.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
I’m so proud I “lost” in the second round. Suck it Shanoff!
April 25th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
CRM: Get to it on the Baseball league trade. Yea or nay?
April 25th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
“Could somebody please give Jerry Jones a Super Bowl trophy before somebody gets hurt?”
Classic.
I have nothing to add, except that the Cardinals have won a playoff game more recently than the Cowboys. The Cardinals.
/bringing on the wrath of an AZ person
April 25th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Pretty gutless of this guy to imply that Gholston may have taken steriods without naming the source. He may have once killed a man just to watch him die too. After all, he can’t prove he hasn’t.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
That’s cause the Cardinals are a better run franchise asshole.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
gholston juicing? NO WAY.
i mean that in as sarcastic a fashion as possible.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Hef, no denying that.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Sounds like someone’s trying to knock Gholston down to the value pick level.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Favre is going to have a horrible hunting accident thanks to the curse.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Wait a second…Mike Merriweather is a NY Life Agent now. Really? I know Merriweather was born a bit too early to enjoy the ridiculous contracts thrown about in the NFL in recent years, but I recall the Rooneys compensating him quite handsomely. WTF do these assholes do with their riches that drive them to the point of, as Len Dykstra says so eloquently, “standing around with their dick in their hands”?
Two other things… Dan Shanoff is an awful, unreadable “writer”. Sorry, Dan, but your work does “suck”. Also, Denise Richards is just a bit overrated, no? We’re constantly sold how “hot” she is, but I’m not buying. Go to the gym and you’ll see a handful of better-looking women at any given time. Just my $0.02.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
You can’t give anyone gonorrhea. You can only
it from an inanimate object…most often a tractor.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
I killed a drifter once to get an erection.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
I’m still bitter at the Vikings for passing on Warren Sapp because some shitbag planted a rumor that Sapp was a snowblower.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
come on…Gholston has to be on roids.
Exhibit 1
Exhibit 2
April 25th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
amen.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Alright, that’s it for me. You’ve been great. Goodnight, everybody.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Favre is going to have a horrible hunting accident thanks to the curse.
i don’t know how things are run up there in Canada, but down here we don’t speak bad of Mr. Brett Lorenzo Favre. Consider yourself warned
April 25th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
The quote button sure is getting worked over in this thread.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Yup
April 25th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
I’m not sure what you’re getting at.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
April 25th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Hey, Neil, leave me out of this.
I WILL LEAVE YOU IN!
April 25th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
quone is so not a word.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Oh, sorry…didn’t mean to post that. I was just sitting here thinking about where I can get an eggplant calzone on the way home. Never mind me.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
@spencer, what kind of dictionary are you using? You need a medical dictionary.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
412…have newman pick it up for you, it’s on his route. youll have to buy him one tho.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
@The412: Make sure he sees you leave the tip this time.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
tommy…to quone a phrase?
April 25th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
My view on Favre has nothing to do with how things are run up here, I just got tired of watching him find his tight ends wide open in the 49er secondary for all of those years back in the day.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
The funny thing is this. Dan Shanoff will never know about the poll because he is too lazy to click on the link.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
@412, see if they can put your shirt in the oven while youre waiting too
April 25th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Beg to differ, Spence. If a commenter gets difficult, you quone him.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/draft2008/news/story?id=3367846
Good move by Hansbrough, Lawson and especially Ellington are dumbasses if they stay entered in the draft.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
So Favre got this years cover of Madden. Does this mean he’s going to tear an ACL while mowing the grass. Maybe his drinking statistics will be significantly lower than normal.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
I think it means Peter King spills his latte on his junk when he’s doing his duties.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Yeah Denise Richards has toe thumbs. “Hi I’d like a pedicure…..and a pedicure.”
April 25th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I agree
April 25th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
My view on Favre has nothing to do with how things are run up here, I just got tired of watching him find his tight ends wide open in the 49er secondary for all of those years back in the day.
I’m not sure what is meant by this. but if you’re saying the all-time TD leader threw meaningless dump off passes, then you’re sadly mistaken.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
@412 - You said “duties”.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Reminds me of when I was a Boy Scout. It took me weeks to get that busted patch because I couldn’t get past “I promise to do my best, to do my duty” [uncontrollable laughter].
April 25th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
What I’m trying to say is that the amount of times he hit his tight ends in the middle of the 49ers secondary back in those playoff games in the late 90’s was ridiculous.
It seemed like he could hit a big play to Keith Jackson whenever he wanted.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
@BBS: agree
April 25th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Can’t believe this story got past TBL.
Joke A: Nice idea, though I’m thinking the volume of water used to wash that ass alone negates any benefits to the Earth.
Joke B: Do Jared and Ray J occasionally join in, if only to loofah Kim’s giant posterior?
/neither of these jokes are the least bit amusing
April 25th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Happy, my 34 yr old brother and I still laugh like kids whenever we here duty (and any word ending in “er”). Two years ago, during an appearance on a popular cable news channel show, I worked in the line “handle the duty” just to make my friends laugh.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
here, hear… whatever.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Nomo - I’d appreciate it if you stuck w/ Lumbergh. I keep getting flashbacks to the 72-0 beatdown Eddie George’s OSU team gave my Panthers at old Pitt Stadium years ago. Not good times…
April 25th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Fucking Hansbrough. They’re going to be really good, too. Lawson better not withdraw.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
How sick was LOST last night! Anyone?!
April 25th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I was thinking about changing it, just so I didn’t look like an OSU homer, but then I’d get yelled at by Spence for changing again, and well, you know how Spence can get. Maybe I’ll change my name as well, since people struggle with shortening it up. Then again, the irony is it would be a much longer name, but easier to shorten in a reply. God, the things I put on my To Do list at 4:12 (spooky) on a Friday.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
How bad was the office last night??
April 25th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
I thought the Office was pretty good last night.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
I’m a big fan of the Office, and I’ll never completely stop watching it because I’m just loyal like that, but… damn. This season leaves a lot to be desired.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
i agree i liked last night
April 25th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
It was good, in the sense that I’ll never think it sucks just because I love The Office so much. It’s like when your favorite band puts out a so/so record and everyone hates it, and even though you know it isn’t their best work you still like it because you just like that band, ya know? That’s kind of how I feel about The Office right now.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
i just kinda wish arrested development was still on
April 25th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
@outofbounds, i am a big fan too, and maybe i just have really high expectations, but there really weren’t any laugh out loud parts i can remember. The part that stands out the most to me is when the security guard gets there at the end.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
outofbounds - Most comedies get stale after a few years. Even Seinfeld tailed off considerably toward the end.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
mmonast: arrested development was so funny. i can’t wait for the movie to come out (all reports are they are in pre-production so i’m keeping my fingers crossed).
April 25th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I thought last night was funny, but they’ve obviously ran out of ideas in re: the ACTUAL office.
*hop on high horse for one second*
That’s the beauty of British television. They do 1 or 2 seasons of 10-20 episodes, then end it on an amazing high note, leaving you wanting more (obligatory Seinfeld reference). US television has to reach the magic number of 100 episodes so they can hit the lottery in syndication. I’m not speaking strictly about The Office (British). This goes for Extras and other British shows. Skins even.
*unmounts*
April 25th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
@412: Seinfeld was awful at the beginning and got funny near the end. You’re backwards.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
I like how they’re having Jim fuck-up so much this season of The Office… like the writers were afraid of him becoming too likable.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Ha yeah that was pretty good… the only thing in the last few episodes that I’ve seen that really made me LOL (did I just type that?) was when Michael yelled “that’s what she said!” at the dinner table.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
benji a movie really?? how have i missed this?
April 25th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
And that sucks when you can remember the one last really funny thing you saw… and it was a couple of weeks ago.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I’m alright though, because Lost is right afterwards… so I need no The Office mourning period.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
CNN had a story about monkeys escaping yesterday from the same zoo Elijah Dukes is working at…coincidence?
April 25th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
@nick, i agree about running out of ideas. This week with Jim & Pam it just seemed really awkward and forced. I dont know if its supposed to be because of the looming engagement or what, but they just seemed like they werent clicking very well.
@outofbounds, that was definitely the funniest part from this season and probalby the main thing ill remember from this show after it is all over.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Oh, I think you’re wrong! Seinfeld and David were churning out gold right up to the point where they killed off George’s fiancee. And then…the show kind of became another wacky “3rd Rock from the Sun”-type sitcom.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
I like how they’re having Jim mess-up so much this season of The Office… like the writers were afraid of him becoming too likable.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
@tommy z: You’re right. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll remember much more… but that just sticks out in my mind because every time I think about it, I just think that there’s no possible way that I can beat Michael’s “that’s what she said” moment. I only deploy “thats what she said” once in a while, but I always make sure it’s a good one… but that just tops anything I’ve ever attempted.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
The first two seasons of Seinfeld were horrible relative to the middle and late years.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
I liked Seinfeld a lot, and I still don’t think I’ve ever watched an episode and thought “that isn’t funny” but lets move on! We’re in the golden age of TV right now! We’ve got Lost, the Office, Weeds, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Arrested Development, Dexter… I’ve never watched this much TV in my life.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Late years of Seinfeld? The last season was nothing compared to every other season ever
April 25th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
@Onterrio: I disagree. Personally Merv Griffin Show & Puerto Rican Day were two of my faves of all-time.
Go back and watch the first season again. It’s really terrible. (relatively speaking)
April 25th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Tobias: I’m the first analyst and therapist. I’m an analrapist.
Arrested Development = Comedy gold.
April 25th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
The Merv Griffin Show was one of the best ever. Although the shrinkage one where they all go to the Hamptons for the weekend is still my fave.
April 25th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Merv Griffin was GREAT, but Puerto Rican Day is exactly what I am talking about, one of my least faves (I’d still watch it over most of todays shows, so its all relative)
April 25th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Fave is either Keith Hernandez (The Boyfriend) or Master of my Domain (The Contest)
April 25th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
triple post alert
@Nick: you may be right, the 1st season was only 5 episodes long and none of them are classics, but I do like season 2