I Should Have Evaded the Draft
ESPN Rant, NFL April 26th. 2008, 4:30pm
Memo to ESPN: STOP RUINING THE SUSPENSE!ﾃつ It’s not that hard, people.ﾂ We’re tuning in to your draft coverage to see who will get picked — when the pick is officially announced.ﾂ Tell Suzy Kolber, your “experts” and the “Green Room” people to stop giving away the pick before Goodell announces it.ﾂ
For three hours before the draft started, Michael Smith had the first 4 picks confirmed.ﾂ Great.ﾂ Super.ﾂ You’re a “hard-hitting journalist”, Michael.ﾂ You have “sources”.ﾂ Awesome.ﾂ Why, ESPN, are you so hard and horny for being 1st?ﾃつ You’ve turned your draft into an anticlimacitc snoozefest.
Imagine for a second, ESPN, that you and I go to the movies together.ﾂ I spring for the tickets and even pay for the sodas and large tub of popcorn — lightly drizzled with butter.ﾂ We sit down and start enjoying a Michael Bay film and immediately after the first appearance of the female protagonist, the film pauses and one of the ushers grabs a mic and says, “Hey movie-goers, that chick you just saw?ﾃつ She dies in 20 minutes.ﾂ I just got off the phone with Michael Bay and he said as much.ﾂ Also, Nic Cage will crash his car in mere seconds and kill an kill an innocent, pregnant bystander.”
That would suck, wouldn’t it ESPN?ﾃつ We’d feel ripped off.
You’ve injected too much journalism into the draft.ﾂ It became a watchable event because of the suspense factor… that was the entertainment.ﾂ Not the breaking news and pre-revealed selections.ﾂ So can it, will ya?
Take your green room and shove it up Nic Cage’s bum.
40 Responses to “I Should Have Evaded the Draft”
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April 26th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
We’re only 1 hr and 50 mins in, but i have to agree with this. So far, it’s been quite boring. Maybe this is just a predictable draft.
April 26th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Posted this on the other post, but is Mendenhall gonna fall to my Cowboys? I really hope so. He’s an Emmitt Smith clone but faster.
April 26th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Never mind, forgot the Lions still have to draft.
April 26th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Just got wood.
April 26th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Is Keyshawn a dickhead? He MUST have the last word while they throw it to the podium.
“Let’s go to Goddell at the podium for Arizona’s pick”
“RUNNING BACK!”
I’d like to hear Kiper go “NO asshole”.
April 26th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Keyshawn??? A dickhead??? Gee, I never would have guessed that.
Just throw me the damn mike!
April 26th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
And that’s why I stopped watching the draft. And with Mr. Peerpers and Shrutebag doing the radio coverage, there’s no way in hell I’m listening in to that. Thankfully, the Cardinals had a day game(and they won!), so I had that goin’ for me, which is nice….
April 26th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Thank you Detroit! Now do the Cowboys take Mendenhall if he’s there or is Jerrah still locked in on Felix Jones?
April 26th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Um, that should be Mr Peepers, not Peerpers.
April 26th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
I wish Berman would die on air. Maybe that would add some entertainment value.
April 26th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I’m with you Nick. I about threw my remote through the tv when he made that “Hold the Mayo” joke. I’m waiting with a knife to my throat for him to say a team is trading “back, back, back” into the second round.
April 26th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Do you like Berman?
April 26th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
that would be awesome.
April 26th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
I’m kinda rooting for that too.
April 26th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
How classy of the espn talking heads to keep talking while we salute our troops.
Sure these guys are protecting our country, but what about Brian Brohm?
April 26th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
I can’t stop laughing. No, seriously. It’s hard to type this because I’m shaking from laughter.
April 26th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
That’s kinda lame guys. Death to anyone isn’t funny.
/party pooper.
April 26th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Fine, how about Young reaches over and cuts his tongue out.
April 26th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I thought the same thing. I actually wanted to see and hear what was going on and couldn’t because the crew couldn’t stop talking about nothing. And I’m with Gonzo; I don’t want anyone dying.
April 26th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Sam Baker needs to do something about that neck beard. Being a ginger makes it worse.
April 26th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Fine, I’ll compromise. Berman gets caught in a Nazi hooker orgy with Favre and is forced to resign from espn.
April 26th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Berman gets caught in a Nazi hooker orgy with Favre and is forced to resign from espn.
we have a winner!
April 26th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
8 blocks for D Ho………wooooooooooooow
April 26th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
You didn’t get your boy, Tick. You should have counted on Jerry Jones’ love for the ’star player’. Dallas is going to be a freak show this year. Romo, T.O., Barber/Jones, PacMan, Jerry Jones.
They should take a receiver with that 28th pick.
April 26th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
A lot of boo’s by Nugget fans everytime Kobe touches the ball. Wow, you’d think he did something wrong in Colorado or something.
April 26th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
I would have preferred Mendenhall, but I still like Felix Jones. Also like them trading up to get Jenkins as well. Still need help at WR, but none of these WR’s are going to help them right away, which is what they need, so they can wait till the second round.
April 26th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
So how awkward was the check in process for Kobe at the hotel in Denver?
April 26th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Awkward for Kobe or for the girls that are working there?
April 26th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Both.
Kobe: When you bring room service to my room, make sure it’s a guy.
Receptionist: What you only like dudes?
Kobe: No, I just had a little problem last time.
Receptionist: Whatever queer!
April 26th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
I really feel for you poor saps that are stuck watching ESPN. We just got DirecTV hooked up this morning, complete with NFL Network…. SOOOO so so so much better. It really is.
That said, this draft is dreadfully boring.
April 26th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
@ Tick, Ha Ha. It’s the Denver PD that is the most unhappy about this. They don’t want the extra overtime.
April 26th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
@ s1rweeze. I’ve got the Network and watched it for about 2 minutes this morning until they showed Deion addressing the audience at Radio City. That was all the Prime Time I could handle.
April 26th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
I’ll second that, s1rweeze. I didn’t realize the NFL Network was showing the draft.
Anything to keep Berman’s fat head off my television.
April 26th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
I can’t believe the Bears passed on Brohm to take another running back. Fucking Angelo.
April 26th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
@TBL- Did you actually think the draft would be exciting? I still don’t know why I’ve been watching this for 2+ hours.
April 26th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Right after I said that, Favre officially retires, the Packers draft a QB in Brohm, and now we know why Aaron Rogers dropped so far in 2005. Oh, and the Dolphins draft Chad Hienne, even though they drafted QB John Beck last year.
April 26th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
If I would have watched today, I would have chosen NFL-N over the Four Letter.
April 26th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Rest assured, if anything involves commentators, the commentators will detract from (not enhance) the signature event. But watching the draft, expecting suspense? You ask too much.
April 27th, 2008 at 12:35 am
@TBL.
I just wanted to let you know that I scored alot of points in the challenge against SI. In both Cowboys picks I got side of the ball and position right.
I’m a freakin genius.
Wait no I’m not. I’m also a Texas Rangers fan.
April 27th, 2008 at 8:04 am
I need more Mel Kiper and less of the rest of the chuckleheads. Maybe even a little Emmitt for some unintentional comedy.