PM Roundup: Tim Tebow’s Spring Break
Baseball, College Basketball, College Football, Courts, Legal, Movies, NBA, NFL, Olympics May 5th. 2008, 3:45pm
While Scarlett’s now engaged and off the market at least Megan Fox isn’t. As if it matters, right? These might make for a good gag gift.
Tim Tebow’s spring break was spent … nowhere near a beach or beer bong, it seems. He’s a big deal now, but this guy’s going to be more than a Football Player in a couple years. (Orlando Sentinel)
Theo Ratliff of all people has started the trash talking in the Detroit-Orlando series. (Fanhouse)
Rich Harden - as big of a tease as Scarlett Johansson photos. (The Dish)
Thirteen has made-for-TV moment with councilwoman. (Detroit News)
This Red Sox and Yankees fan madness better stop before more people get killed. (Game On)
Markazi’s best work, possible ever. (SI)
What if Goodell pulled an IOC and reprimanded the 2004 Patriots team? (Cloud 9 Sports)
Jen Aniston and Owen Wilson were shooting a movie during a Marlins game. (Bugs and Cranks via Hot Clicks)
Randy Moss got his MacDaddy vibe on at one of the Derby parties this weekend. (NFL Juice)
An 11-year contract for Bob Huggins? (Play is Under Review)
Not smart: Attacking a teammate with a bat. (Post-Gazette)
Falcons LB arrested for battery over the weekend. (TMZ)
Saints owner gets involved with a FOX TV station. You know, Fox - the channel where the Saints regularly appear. (NOLA)
114 Responses to “PM Roundup: Tim Tebow’s Spring Break”
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May 5th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
I’d do horrible, horrible things to be with Megan Fox. Unforgivable things.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Emmitt would forgive you.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
He’d at least be OK with it.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Hef…i bet you could get Tebow to perform your son’s bris.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Great Tebow link. I’m not sure why circumcision is a medical procedure that should be undertaken when it’s unnecessary, though.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I believe Hef has a story about Tim Tebow
May 5th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
met a girl a few months back who was pretty attractive…especially in the breast area (irish would like this) that has been “linked” to tebow. this confirms our theory that tebow does indeed like the more well endowed babes
May 5th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Tebow is definitely a guy I want to hate but can’t do it, he does genuinely seem like a good guy. God knows if I had just won the stiff armed guy I would be at the beach having fun with my stiff arm, fun that shouldn’t be had in a prison.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
@recc4- google Godzilla biscuits and tell me what you get as the number one search.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
coop…you can hate anyone if you try hard enough. and you can’t be posting nice stuff here, buzz bissinger said so.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Paging Dr. Tebow, Dr. Tebow to surgery please…STAT.
I agree w/ coop, he made my Gamecock defense look like fools last year, but I just cannot hate the guy. He does too much good.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Prison reference from this article, where he was at a prison doing similar stuff, I figured the sentinal story was the same.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
@Super, if making the gamecock defense look like fools mean you are a good guy then Darren Mc Fadden has got to be at the top of your list of the greatest people in the world.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
@irish yes, thats why i was saying it confirms our theory irish…because this girl has actually been seen, and it was different than you’re ol’ average blog post. nice to see the real thing in person too
May 5th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
I give blumpkins to LeBron James.
That was a good Markazi article. I usually hate his stuff because it reeks of look at how cool I am, look at who I get to hang out with.
Circumcision is fine, honestly does anyone remember being circumcised? It’s not like you remember the pain so who gives a crap? I mean if people don’t want to do it to their children fine, but they can’t get mad when their kid complains about the extra washing they have to do.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
i remember being circumcized…it was a cloudy day 3 years ago. my foreskin got infected, i thought it was the clap but they were like, “naw, you got dem bugs in yo’ hoodie.” next thing i know my buddy had a bagel guillitine out and a bottle of Armandale, said he was counting to 3, and by 2, the tip was nipped.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
I hear Hef and Tebow go way back…that Markazi article on Canseco is awesome…I worked for a few years in the Sports Collectibles industry and when something like that happens it is painful and funny all at the same time…I once challenged and beat Ray Lucas at a football game that required you to throw footballs through different level holes for points that and 20 people showed up at his autograph signing… and I once saw Don Larson’s hog
May 5th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
A Markazi article that didn’t suck off USC? Great find.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
@ Ark..Oh yeah, we love D Mac around here!
May 5th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
RWH, wow
May 5th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
I wonder if Megan knows that she is my future wife yet
May 5th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Don’t get me wrong, I like trash talk in the playoffs as much as the next guy. But it’s very Celtics-like to have your scrubs talking trash when they don’t contribute nearly what the team’s superstars do on the floor, and all it’s going to do is make things harder on your teammates who do get the bulk of the minutes
well said by the fanhouse writer
its Theo Ratliff of all people. The guy is a bum
May 5th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
it is really sad that Sox fan died, but the humor i found in that ladies mug shot should be illegal.
/still laughing
May 5th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Theo Ratliff of all people has started the trash talking in the Detroit-Orlando series
Breaking news, Theo Ratliff is out for the series with a tongue injury after Rasheed Wallace ripped it out.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Where the hell is Hef when you need him?
May 5th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
irish…Theo Ratliff is in the Expiring Contracts Hall of Fame, doesnt that count for something?
but seriously…if KG wants to talk shit, by all means, same with PP and Jesus Shuttlesworth, id even give Rondo a little rope. but theo? fack, any one of us has played as many minutes as he has.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Hef is sucking dick still
May 5th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Yes…I was doing and autograph signing with Yogi Berra and Don Larsen…Yogi was awesome…Larsen was a bit of a dick…well he needed to take a leak…I brought him into the office and he went into the bathroom, left the door open and dropped trough and took a leak…the problem was the door was at the side of the bathroom so I got the full profile…it was awful…but I got a story out of it so what the hell…
May 5th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
and again…im an idiot…please disregard last comment.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
What they didn’t tell you: The movie crew outnumbered the paid attendance.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Tim Tebow seems like a pretty okay dude. Why wasn’t he around to give Ryan Perriloux some peer counseling
May 5th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
I could have swore I saw theo ratliff playing at the park down the street from my house the other day. And he was getting schooled.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Ahhh, thanks irish. Clears it up.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
I hate Florida and Urban Meyer, but I’m pretty happy to see Tebow enjoying as much success as he does on the field. I have no idea how he’ll be in the NFL, but he will be a first class person no matter what.
/sappy comment of the day.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Ok Irish, Detroit is gonna treat your boys like Neitzel would treat McNamara on the court….
And even though I’m a Piston fan, Ratliff is a chump. He used to be sweet about six years ago.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
@zbuck- its what he has been saying all day
May 5th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Short of Tebow ending famine and finding a cure for cancer, this is the image I will always associate with the man.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Ah, I had finals today. Shoulda looked. Whoops. Sucks for him…literally.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
I give blumpkins to LeBron James.
Theo’s trash talk won’t make things any harder for the Pistons. Yeah a scrub shouldn’t be talking but if the Magic needed trash talk to be even more motivated they would be losers. They’re not losers, I am sure they are already extremely motivated, so in the end all of it means nothing.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
ZBUCK..he lost a bet with me…he has to preface or complete every comment today with “back when I was sucking dick”
May 5th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
@spartanfan- there you are. That Mcnamara/ Neitzel debate was my first ever argument on this site. So all the blame needs to go on your shoulders for the comments that go south on this site lol
how is the weather up there in Michigan today? i heard it may rain
May 5th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Sigh…
Back when I sucking dick…
My wife was unsure about whether or not to have our first son circumcised. We put it off and finally had to do it when he was over a month old. I think he still resents me. That’s nothing compared to one of my best friends who had his done when he was 13. Years. 13 years old. Let it sink in…Ready? Poor bastard, every erection caused him to double over in pain which wouldn’t be that big of a deal except that when you’re 13 they happen every 10 seconds or so. When the cheerleaders found out, they tortured the shit out of him. Came over and rubbed his back and told them how cute he was. Women can be cruel, man.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I went to South Carolina during the Sparky Woods era. It was great losing to Citadel at Home Coming.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Ahhhhhh, I get it. That is glorious.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Back when I was sucking dick…
Between my unfortunate bet and this circumcision story, I’ve talked way too much about dicks. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go pray for death now.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Hef…but did Tebow do it?
who the hell would circumsize their son at 13 years old? by then, you just gotta accept that he has an Emo penis and let him keep on truckin’.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
I feel bad for that kid. How long would that hurt for? Had to easily be the worst weeks / months of his life.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Thank you so much for all of these bets, fellow TBL commenters. Even though I’ve seen them roughly 39 times today, I laugh out loud every time I see “I give blumpkins to LeBron James,” and “back when I was sucking dick.”
May 5th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Back when I was sucking dick…
No Tebow did not circumcise either of my boys. And you misunderstood. My friend chose to get circumcised at 13 since he was the only one who’s captain still had his hat on. I love Judeo-Christian values.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Back when I was sucking dick…
And before any of you sick bastards ask, he found out in football. Locker rooms can be a cruel, cruel place for a kid.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Which post were these bets made? I figure that’d save you all the time of explaining.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
@superjacks, Arkansas has also lost to the Citadel, but before I was here. People still talk about it though. But hey, Alabama and mightier than all Saban lost to UL_monroe at homecoming last year, so that makes me feel much better.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
now i wish i was more thoughtful in my bet with Mike NYC. i couldnt stand his comments on this site, so that is why i had to go with the one month being away from the site.
you would think since people hate me so much, that they would try and make a bet with me on something. but no luck
May 5th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Blumpkins came in Ballin after the Irish/Mike NYC banishment bet…Hef and myself took place last Friday in Yardwork…Hef is even more angry because he thought he had that game and it was thrown away
May 5th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Is the Hef bet for a day or a month?
May 5th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Unfortunately just today
May 5th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Back when I was sucking dick…
zbuck: you can find the terms here.
Sorry for the shameless self promotion fellas. Again. I’m new to this and have very little tact.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Dammit, why didn’t I make a bet with sportsgal on the Cubs-Cards series this past weekend?
May 5th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Hef…i didnt know he chose to have it done. that’s some fucked up shit, thatd scar a kid for life, physically and mentally. and how do you tell your parents that? “mom, dad…i wanna get circumsized. all the cool kids have their foreskin chopped off. you ain’t cool unless youre cut.”
May 5th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Back when I was sucking dick…
@spence: His step dad was jewish so that made it easier to tackle the conversation.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
I give blumpkins to LeBron James.
Atlanta, glad you like it, you will have all of May to enjoy it.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
@hef- in all honesty, very well done blog. I told you it paid off to mess with me on this site and get known on here lol
May 5th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
A guy on my high school footbal team had the anteater. He was 6′-6″ and over 300 lbs. He didn’t get made fun of. At least to his face.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Yeah, I gotta agree with Irish. Well done, sir.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Is that really true that at 13 you get boners all the time? How disturbing..My stepson is about to turn 13. How does this affect your daily life?
May 5th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Back when I was sucking dick…
This is my last comment for the day simply because I’m tired of making everyone’s favorite comment.
@irish: thanks for the kind words. That was my goal when I set out…to make a name for myself by picking fights with people. Mission Accomplished.
@cbh49er: is this a month long venture? Are you going to take a few plays off? What’s the plan?
@RWH: You bastard. Same bet next time they play?
May 5th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
guinnessgirl…it’s pretty true. standing up after class was always a problem, trying to cover up and all that. good thing was, it took all of 20 seconds till the big squirt so using the hall pass was an option.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Are you kidding me? I’ve jerked it 3 times since I got here.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
between all the Word Press errors and all the cry babies on here today, its giving me a fucking headache.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Nice, Diesel. Nice. That movie is in my top 5 most re-watchable movies.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Buddy of mine didn’t get circumcised until he was about ten. His problem was, his foreskin started to heal and grow closed. It got to the point where he could literally piss in a urinal from the other side of the room because there was so much pressure.
I think he tells the story to everyone he meets.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
@Guinnessgirl.. being 13 sucked. Sitting in class I would look at a girl and get wood, even if I wasn’t thinking of anything sexual. Safe to say my textbooks were placed gently around that area to cover it up. Oh and the tuck that is discussed in the first part of Superbad was a definite option.
@ Hef: You better keep commenting so I have some entertainment while I’m studying for my final tonight.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
jesus thats too much fucking info
May 5th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Hef…unless we are living in a different world…absolutely with the same bet…even though I am disappointed you are done for the day..I always catch you after I get home from work…this applies to midnight
May 5th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Also, according to Wikipedia, Megan Fox has been engaged to Brian Austin Green since last year. I could’ve sworn that dude was queerer than a three dollar bill, but hey.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Hef, your blog is fantastic and nomo did a bangup job on the blog layout.
I would only recommend one thing: free iPhone ads
May 5th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
I give blumpkins to LeBron James.
Hef- Month long venture.
From Michael Wilbon’s Chat House today. This was fantastic.
Burke, Va.: Mike, when you say you don’t read blogs, are you including the ones written by “real” reporters — like Ivan Carter and Michael Lee’s “Wizards Insider” here on the washingtonpost.com? Seems like a great place for them to give readers additional writing that they can’t get column inches for in the dead tree edition…
Michael Wilbon: Those aren’t blogs. That’s marketing junk. They’re opinionated reports that are edited by Post editors just like their stories in The Post. Their reports labeled as blogs to snare people who think they’re getting something new and trendy. Please.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
@clown: Please. You’re being too aggressive. First we get the readership, then we get the khakis, then maybe we get the iPhone ads.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Boners aside, right now I would kill for the workload I had in school when I was 13. Finals week blows.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Nick…you guys need guns. either kind will do.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
@Nick, and the mail order asian wives?
May 5th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
ZBuckner…i dunno your workload, but last fall i took 18 credit hours and worked 50 hours a week, i can feel your pain bro. then again, i skipped 75% of my classes and managed to get thru by the skin of my teeth, and finals week was absolute hell. i wrote an 18 page paper in 11 hours, started at like 1 or 2 in the AM, and just burnt it straight thru.
during finals…adderall, caffeine, tobacco and weed are a man’s best friend.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Mary Jane has been hanging out all day, if she hadn’t I would’ve bombed today. Luckily, I had three today, two tomorrow, then I can just drink for 4 straight days before going home to work.
But 18 credits is rough, I’m doing that now. Really wish I went to class freshman year.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
How much do you guys think whoever takes the Mav’s job is hoping Cuban buys the Cubs so that he’s not constantly on their shoulder?
May 5th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Damn, if there is one thing I don’t miss about college it’s the finals. My major didn’t even really have finals, just projects, but it was still on like donkey-kong at the end of the semester. And yes, adderoll got me through more nights in college than I can remember.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
ZBuck…yea man. i swear, if i wasn’t gettin ripped off my gourd i wouldnt have been able to do it. all that addy and caffiene and tobacco just made me a machine and i was freakin out. the chron helped to make it all seem just a little interesting and level headed.
who goes to class frosh year? the only classes i attended were “learn how to cheat really really well.”
May 5th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Yeah, well when I say I didn’t go to class freshman year, I mean ever. I went to maybe…15 classes the whole year. I was like one lucky B on a test from flunking out. Good times had by all…until my parents got my grades. Not as much fun.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things…
May 5th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
+1 Sportsgal.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
sportsgal, nice one. or should i say Elaine?
May 5th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
I couldn’t remember what they respond with. That’s the one at the shorehouse right?
May 5th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
My roommate freshman year went to less than 10 classes because he was constantly playing “Dark Ages of Camelot” on his computer. He came into college with 22 AP credits but now that Mommy wasn’t there to make him go to school, he was a worthless annoying pile of steaming dog shit.
Luckily he flunked out and I never had to see (or smell) him again.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
ZBuck…yea dude isnt it great tho? every semester i was in school i had a class that i attended single-digit times per semester, and still managed to pass. it was the best.
i took this asian history class, showed up for the first day, saw the only tests were midterm, final and a paper due at the end. showed up 2x the whole semester and when i turned in my final, the teacher asked who i was. it was fantastic…ended up with an A- too.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Zbuck, they don’t respond with anything. That’s the last line of the scene. Yes, the one at the shore house.
YOU GOTTA SEE THE BAYBEEEEEEEEEE.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
ZBuckner,
yes it was. shrinkage.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Thank you, thank you. It was the perfect setup!
May 5th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
My freshman year kept me from graduating with honors
May 5th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
the baby is breathtaking…
May 5th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Diesel…yea, i was a Counterstrike addict my frosh year and did the same thing (tho i played in tourneys and won money so it wasnt all bad). and no, im not a huge nerd or anything, just enjoyed killing 13 year old korean boys online and gettin money to do it.
not sleeping always helped too. oh, and being stoned 24 hours a day also aided in my not-giving-a-shit about class.
they really need a class first semester of college called, “seriously, don’t procrastinate, it’ll bite you in the ass.”
May 5th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
That’s awesome, Spence. My life was consumed in running and drinking, and nothing else. Luckily, colleges let you slide with eligibility when you screw up as a freshman, although my coach nearly had a heart attack.
But you’re Asian History class was like my Sociology class this semester. The best is when the professor knows what the deal is, and doesn’t care.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
I WAS IN THE POOL!!! I WAS IN THE POOL!!!
May 5th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
and end seinfeld rant…
May 5th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
sociology always an easy A
May 5th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
ZBuck…totally. even the teachers that do care, you can still find a way around it if you’re a good enough bullshitter. i have a bunch of templates on my comp saved of insurance company letters so i have documented proof that i was in a car accident or in the hospital. the rest you can say is all confidential and you cant share it. find a pic of a barcode off google, slap it on there and it’s official.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
I agree, they really need to find a way to let us know not to fuck around all the time. I’ve had a 3.8-4.0 for the last 3 semesters, and my GPA is just barely getting back to being decent.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
not sleeping always helped too. oh, and being stoned 24 hours a day also aided in my not-giving-a-shit about class.
sounds like a typical day at Michigan State.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Plaschke just gave Tebow a shout-out for the whole circumsizing thing. Copycat fucker.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Apparently, I must be an idiot seeing as how I went to almost all my classes, didn’t smoke pot, and didn’t create fake insurance claim documents to get out of class/tests. But hey, I’m still pretty fucking proud of my B+ in Organic Chemistry!
May 5th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Timmy seems handy with a knife…if this football thing doesnt work out i think i can find a spot for him in one of my heisman winning qb line of snuff films
I already got troy smith to a 3 picture deal
May 5th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
i’m with Sportsgal. i went to most classes once i got past the GE’s. i did more bullshitting than the average person in college, but Spencer took it to another level. Fake insurance notes with barcodes. Well done sir, well done.
There is a nice looking older female on PTI right now.
May 5th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Yeah, I bullshitted a lot, but the fake insurance notes is Hall of Fame worthy. I tell every freshman, GO TO CLASS, believe me, it’s not worth sleeping in.
May 5th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
i never really thought it was that big of a deal…i was just paranoid that calling in sick or some other BS excuse would fuck me over without good proof.
May 5th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
TBL, you are incorrect. Moss isn’t the Mac Daddy, he’s the Daddy Mac.
May 5th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I have no problem hating Timmy Teabag