Ryan Hoag: The AC Green of Pro Football
NFL, Video May 20th. 2008, 11:55amWhile our masculinity took a hit during last night’s spectacular season finale of Gossip Girl (our loserdom got worse when we heard this song and downloaded it; seems like a great party song), Sports Point was doing something far worse: watching the Bachelorette*, where Mr. Irrelevant from the 2003 NFL draft, Ryan Hoag, made an appearance.
Hoag’s going to get drilled for this, obviously, but he’s the AC Green of pro football – heavily religious, a non-drinker, and a virgin. He admitted this on national television. The weird thing is, he seems like a guy to root for. Give it a half second of thought, or don’t – as sports fans, you’re aware of the debauchery these trustees of modern chemistry regularly get into; this fellow seems like the antithesis of MLB, the NBA and NFL rolled into one. Kinda cool. But you’d think since he’s so backed up, the dude would have been wrecking people and actually stuck on a roster in the NFL, right?
* It is never socially acceptable to watch a show in which one woman is pursued by 20 men. The Bachelor is technically acceptable; any scenario where 20 women are vying for your attention is a good one. Still, we stopped watching after the Jesse Palmer season, when we threw in the towel on all reality TV. (Wait. Upon further inspection, that moment may have come after the second season of Laguna Beach.)
34 Responses to “Ryan Hoag: The AC Green of Pro Football”
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May 20th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
even CRM thinks this is gay
May 20th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
That song’s not that bad, I’ve actually had it on my iPod for a couple months.
/awaits gay joke.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Hoag carries a tune like Tony Romo
May 20th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
not gonna hate on the guy, but an off-topic item. Hov himself is going to be at the lottery tonight for the Nets
http://www.sohh.com/articles/article.php/15198
I’m so sure LeBron will still be a Cav in 2 years. HAHA.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Who is this guy? Team, college? Why was he on the show? Is he the guy this year?
May 20th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
drafted by raiders in 03, was on some preseason practice teams, but i dont think he’s ever played
May 20th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Some of us don’t get the You Tube at work..please clarify the gay song so I can make fun of you…not that watching the insane amount of garbage you watch isn’t up for trashing..you write a sports blog yet spend a lot of time watching chick shows?
May 20th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
At least AC Green got to be a relevant player on one of the most popular teams ever. This guy’s got nothin…except Jesus.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
I’m ashamed to know this (my wife occasionally tunes in–really!!!), but Jerry O’Connell’s brother was “The Bachelor” for a season.
Great thing about being The Bachelor is that, after being fawned over by all of the hand-picked
psycho-slutsbeautiful young ladies (and undoubtedly getting some action there), The Bachelor is just enough of a celeb after the show that he can get into the Maxim parties, Playboy mansion, judge Hawaiian Tropic contests, etc. It’s a nice deal if you can get it.May 20th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
He played at the University of Minnesota. Kind of a scrappy wide receiver and kick returner. Truly a team that couldn’t score on or off the field.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Kind of a scrappy crappy wide receiver and kick returner. Fixed it myself.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
So is this guy the Bachelor? What a waste if he is? If i was the bachelor, i would bang every chick and base my selections on the freakiness of these girls. Because, really, it’s not like the relationship will work so why not have as much fun while you can.
TBL, i got your back on some of the girl shows. 90210 was the boss and the OC had Rachel Bilson thus making it watchable.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
that’s why his name is so familiar. In retrospect, how wasn’t that team better? Maroney and Barber? Not to mention the greatest college center of all time.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
The majority of women in this country wouldn’t want to date a super religious virgin who sings like a girl. He’s hot and has a great body, but how can any normal, heterosexual girl possibly get fired up over that when he won’t do anything physical with her?
May 20th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
@Benji – he’s not the Bachelor, he’s on the Bachelorette. Essentially, he’s one of the Bachelorette’s suitors.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Zero defense
May 20th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
@sportsgal: haven’t you ever heard of mutual masturbation?
/can i say this on here?
May 20th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Two words for you fetch9, Glen Mason.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
ah, got ya. yeah, apparently i can’t read. TBL, that is really gay to be watching the Bacholorette.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Heavy petting too.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
@ sportsgal
Come on, you don’t want to be a beard?
May 20th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
thank you CBH. someone else besides me remembers health/sex ed. class.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
If the urban dictionary wasn’t blocked at work, I’m sure I would laugh at your link, August!
Pretty sure heavy petting is against the rules for this guy.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
@RWH: MGMT, “Time to Pretend.”
Not a losery song by any means, TBL; one lyric goes “I’d like to parachute some heroin and (expletive redacted) with the stars.” One of my favorites so far this year.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
sportsgal- alternate explanation here
/stealing hef’s joke
May 20th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
ad if i wasnt computer illiterate that would have been at least semi-funny
May 20th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
@Sportsgal: You think this dude is good looking? I’m comfortable enough in my masculinity to admit a handsome gentlemen, but this dude looks like the retarded offspring of Tiger Woods and Ellen Degeneres.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
May 20th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
here’s the best definition Sportgal,
beard: a man or woman used as a cover for a gay partner
as in: poor Jenny, she has no idea that she’s been Allen’s beard for the past 5 years
May 20th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Gossip Girls, 90210, The Bachelorette, The Hills. TBL is a man comfortable with his sexuality.
I will say, that Bachelorette chick is pretty cute. Not cute enough for any self-respecting dude to go on national TV and chase after though.
May 20th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
@Dr. C – His body is awesome, and his face is cute enough that combining the two will put him in the hot category. Just rewatched the video, when he’s not singing, the dude is attractive.
@August – ahh, that makes sense. I’m confident enough in my gaydar that I can guarantee I’ll never be a beard.
May 20th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Bodies are overrated
/Skinny white dude
May 20th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
just to set the record straight, Hoag played DIII football at Gustavus (about an hour from Minneapolis), not D-I at Minnesota.
May 20th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Sorry, my bad. Glen Mason was still a shitty coach though.
May 20th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
And no one can take that away from him.