TBL note to baseball fans: Don’t get drunk and slide down railings at games. It’s deadly.

Cardinals 11, Padres 3: Albert Pujols lined a shot off Chris Young’s face in the 3rd inning, halting play for awhile and forcing us to wonder what would have happened had Pujols not reached for the pitch. Troy Glaus singled in Pujols minutes later and in the process, Pujols took out catcher Josh Bard with a clean slide after Bard’s ankle folded over. To recap, the Padres have the worst record in baseball, got verbally thrashed by GM Kevin Towers Monday night, sent Jake Peavy to the DL, lost their best pitcher at home thanks to a line drive off his face and then lost their starting catcher. I believe that’s the definition of “bleak.”

Marlins 3, Diamondbacks 1: Brandon Webb is no longer undefeated, thanks to a homer from Cody Ross and two hits and run from Luis Gonzalez. While Gonzo is 13 years older than Cody, it’s Ross who looks like a 48-year-old. Stephen Drew had three hits and an RBI in the loss.

A’s 9, Rays 1: Jack Cust had two homers and four RBI. I’m still waiting for Chris Shelton to jump out of Cust’s skin – I can’t fathom Cust is actually a productive player.

Red Sox 6, Royals 3: Bartolo Colon pitched five innings, yielding two runs on six hits and two walks in his Red Sox debut. While he leads all active pitchers under 35 in career wins, he… screw it: Bartolo Colon is overweight.

Rangers 10, Twins 1: Sidney Ponson pitched a complete game, moving to 3-0 with a 2.95 ERA in six starts. Up is down. Left is right. Sidney Ponson is a good pitcher.