Welcome to the live-blog of the first ever nationally broadcast Mixed Martial Arts card in the history of the modern world. My name is Cousins of Ron Mexico (Seriously, it’s on my driver’s license.) and I’ll be your host for the evening. You might know me from such live-blogs as “The Masters Live-Blog Live-Blog (Seriously): Round 1 and Round 2” (Featuring ESPN’s Jason Sobel).

Tonight we’re coming live from my living room with some friends, some beer, some Gus Johnson and some more beer. I’m at the top of my game tonight, folks. I didn’t even crack my first beer until 6:30. That’s right – I mean business. So jump, read a little more preview and then get ready to hit the refresh button.

Aside form the scary man pictured above (Kimbo Slice) the other faintly familiar face you’ll be seeing tonight belongs to Gina Carano. Or if you’re fan of American Gladiators, you’ll recognize her as Crush.

She’s basically the face of Women’s MMA (Though I would have chosen Kyra Gracie). Bad news though – the face of Women’s MMA didn’t make weight. Carano weighed in at 144.5 yesterday – 3.5 pounds too heavy. The fight is still going to go on tonight, but come on. Who doesn’t make weight? Why didn’t she just play ping pong, like Jesse Taylor?

Of course, I doubt Elite XC cares about Carano making weight – tonight is all about spectacle. A guy famous for beating people up in backyards is headlining the card in Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson. Gus Johnson will be excitedly calling the fights. Busta Rhymes is preforming to kick off the show in lieu of the National Anthem. (Unless he preforms Pass The Courvoisier because I consider that my own personal National Anthem.)

A big thanks goes out to Oh No Romo who has provided quick introductions to the fights on the main card this evening. If you want to contact me personally (Or send tips for use tomorrow!) you can hit up the bat line at alumnigonzo@gmail.com.

8:51 – Completely unrelated to MMA, we’ll be switching to Finals of Lord Stanley’s Cup during commercials. It’s what Sidney Crosby wants us to do.

8:56 – Just a guess, but I don’t think Dana White is rooting for this to go well tonight.

9:00 – Welcome to Saturday Night Fights! I can barely lift my beer with all these goosebumps.

9:01 – Phil Baroni looks just like Jason from The Hills.

9:03 – The Fight Network in Canada, eh? Really?

9:03 – And lets hear it for the Elite XC sexy ladies of the night!

9:04 – From my buddy JBug Kyle: “Getting Frank Shamrock is like asking for Nick Lachey and getting Drew Lachey.”

9:09 – From Oh No Romo:

Brett Rogers vs. Jon Murphy

One of Elite XC’s rising stars has a chance to shine in front of a national television audience. Brett Rogers takes his 6-0 MMA record into the cage tonight when he faces Jon Murphy.

Rogers made a huge splash in Elite XC when he knocked out James Thompson at the Elite XC event in February. Now the Minnesota fighter has a chance to go 3-0 in Elite XC and become one of the elite fighters in the heavyweight division.

Murphy made his Elite XC debut last summer for a ShoXC, defeating Dave Huckaba via a second round knockout.

9:12 – No fingers in the orifices. Aww! You got it, Frank! While we’re here, Frank Shamrock is a excitable little guy isn’t he?

9:14 – Finally! A new Street Fighter game! And we’ve got some Ugly Kid Joe in the house.

9:15 – Big Black Security represents.

9:19 -Syracuse? Never heard of it.

/Get a haircut, hippie!

9:22 – The fighters’ entrance music is introduced like a music video.

9:27 – Here’s our first fight of the night. Promptly starting at 9:30.

9:28 – Rogers drops Murphy. Murphy could use a pick-me-up. Some cocaine perhaps?

When you give it all up and walk away from a promising career in tire repair… I’ll just say it warms the heart to see Rogers succeed.

9:44 – This Baroni dude is a jackass. I’ll reiterate that he looks just like Jason Wahler.

9:46 – It’s official (and it has been since 9:01) this is a freaking circus sideshow. It’s like the WWF.

9:49 – Yes! The jackass goes down! What an idiot. That just made everyone in the living room happy. Something about his undeserved sense of self-importance. Nothing like rooting for a native New Yorker to get his ass kicked.

9:51 – So far dumb nicknames – “The Man of Faith” and “New York Bad Ass” – are 0-2 this evening. And a guy gave up a career in the tire industry. And we’ve had a Rob Dyrdek sighting in the ring after the first fight. Good times all around.

9:54 – Just realized I forgot Oh No Romo’s preview for the last fight, so here’s the next one with a bonus post-fight-preview of the last fight:

Gina Carano vs. Kaitlin Young- Women’s MMA Bout

Not only will it be the first time MMA is on network television, but it will be the first time for women’s MMA on the national television stage.

Gina Carano is considered by many to be the face of women’s MMA. It’s her chance to bring women’s MMA into the spotlight. Carano has a chance to keep her undefeated record alive when she faces Minnesota product, Kaitlin Young.

Carano experienced a setback yesterday when she failed to make weight for her fight with Young. Carano weighed in at 144.5 lbs. All fighters are allowed a one lbs. allowance. She will have to forfeit 12.5 percent of her earnings.

Carano has a 5-0 MMA record and is the top female fighter in Elite XC. She defeated Tonya Evinger via submission in the first round of an Elite XC event, last September.

Young is making her Elite XC debut. She’s spent most of her time fighting for BodogFight. Young lost to Sara Schneider at a BodogFight event in February.

Women’s MMA hasn’t been as popular among the hardcore MMA fans. Tonight could very well decide if women’s MMA is here to stay or not. If it doesn’t work out, Carano always has American Gladiators to fall back on.

Phil Baroni vs. Joey Villasenor

Is this do or die for Baroni? The ‘New York Bad Ass‘ has lost two straight fights and now has a 10-9 career MMA record. In his last fight, Baroni lost to Kala Hosa via TKO in the fifth round of an ICON title fight.

To make this short, Baroni gassed after the first round and it was all about Hosa. Lucky for Baroni, this will only be a three round fight.

Unfortunately, he has to deal with Villasenor. The Greg Jackson product has won his last two fights, including a knockout victory against Ryan Jensen at Strikeforce: Shamrock vs. Le, in March.

This is a must-win for Baroni. Villasenor is tough, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see Baroni get an early round knockout.

9:56 – There you have it – Gina Carano’s father is a Teddy Bear. Her mother must be vicious.

10:02 – I’ve been waiting all night to see two ladies fight. It would be better if it were Foxy Boxing, but whatever.

10:04 – Gina Carano wins the pretty contest. A little makeup wouldn’t have hurt Kaitlin Young.

10:09 – Glen Carano in attendance – Elite XC gets all the big stars!

From Lauren: “I hope she can put her fame aside for this fight.”

10:10 – The women only fight 3-minute rounds?

10:12 – They’re both gassed. Women are weak.

From Mike: “Honestly, how often do you vacuum more than 3-minutes a day?”

10:16 – Fight through it so we can see you get your ass kicked 1 more round!

10:17 – We’re getting a third round of ass-kicking from Carano That was a nasty beating. Crush did good, eh?

On another note – Gus Johnson is out of control. He said something along the lines of “She got punched in the nose which will make you tear up and your nose bleed.” Between Gus and the Canadian dude… Come on. This announcing team is out of control.

10:21 – Gina Carano has amazing hand speed. More importantly, Mickey’s Malt Liquor (Get Stung!) is a sponsor!

10:24 – Just rewound on the DVR to see the golfball on Young’s face – awesome!

10:28 – From Oh No Romo

Scott Smith vs. Robbie Lawler- Middleweight Title Bout

Two former UFC fighters go head-to-head for the EXC Middleweight championship. Smith made his Elite XC debut in February, when he defeated Kyle Noke in just seven seconds of the second round. Smith has won two straight fights since his loss to Ed Herman at UFC 72. Smith could score the biggest win of his career tonight if he can defeat Robbie Lawler.

First, though, Smith has to defeat Lawler. Lawler is on a four fight win streak. Last September, the ‘Ruthless’ one defeated Murilo Rua via a third round TKO to win the Elite XC Middleweight title. This will be Lawler’s first title defense.

Expect these two to come out swinging tonight. Of Smith’s 13 career wins, 11 of them have come via TKO or knockout. Lawler has 12 wins of TKO or knockout, out of his 15 career wins.

10:29 – Prezbo and P Diddy: A combination 5 years in the making.

10:31 – At what point in the locker room did Gina Carano and Scott Smith get their voices mixed up?

10:34 – Quick knockouts in the first two fights; two girls in a nasty beat down for the third fight; Dana White just kicked his dog.

10:38 – If this fight isn’t done in 3 minutes Kimbo Slice is going to beat them both up.

10:41 – Does Gus Johnson keep saying “cupcake?” Or “Cut kick?” Either way – what?

10:45 – “Punch, punch, punch!” Thanks, Gus.

10:47 – “Cupcake!” Smith has broken ribs. In case you were curious.

10:51 – For what it’s worth, this is a hell of a fight. That is a heeeee-yuge gash on Lawler’s head.

10:55 – Gus, keep Anderson Silva’s name the f*** out of your mouth.

10:56 – First laboriously, now cerebralness? That’s not even a word. Is it?

10:58 – “Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!” Umm… yup.

11:04 – You can’t tell a doctor twice you can’t see – it’s the law. (Stolen from Mike)

11:06 – I’ve never seen a No Contest. Are they all that good of fights?

11:08 – From Oh No Romo:

Kimbo Slice vs. James Thompson

Ever heard of Kevin Ferguson a.k.a. Kimbo Slice? Slice is squaring off against James Thompson, a fighter who is known for having a glass jaw. Seven of eight losses for Thompson have come by way of TKO. Thompson has only two wins in his last eight fights and is on a two fight losing streak.

Thompson could very well be the next KO victim in Ferguson’s young MMA career. Ferguson is 2-0 and has punched his way to those victories. His MMA debut lasted 20 seconds. Ferguson defeated Bo Cantrell, a sub-500 fighter who hasn’t won a fight in almost two years.tomatocan.jpg

In February, Ferguson destroyed Tank Abbott, a former UFC fighter past his prime . Slice scored the knockout victory in the first round.

11:12 – I’m guessing this fight lasts 48 seconds.

11:17 – Hey, where’d that tomato can come from?

11:19 – James Thomspon is looking to lose his third fight in a row, folks! That’s a good olde fashioned British hat trick, eh Gov’nah!

11:22 – Kimbo’s entrance music – Drunk Ryders Featuring Trick Daddy. I have a new ring tone.

11:24 – Is it over yet? I blinked.

11:26 – From Katie: “He looks like Big Foot.” Seriously, he isn’t of this world.

11:27 – That beard is beautiful. Hopefully, Kimbo isn’t transfixed by the ear.

11:30 – If Kimbo were to lose this Elite XC would be belly up by the time I finish this live-blog.

11:39 – Look at that ear.