Sidney Ponson, a drain-the-keg loon whose career highlight was when he punched out a judge in Aruba after said judge complained about Ponson’s handling of his powerboat, was recently cut by the Texas Rangers. At the time he was let go, it seemed like an odd choice, considering he was 4-1 and had risen as high as 2nd in the rotation of the pitching-starved Rangers.

Over the last few days, rumors have circled the Rangers clubhouse like buzzards: Message board posters with “sources” allege that Ponson, irate that he had to pitch on three days rest, and that he wasn’t helped by a defense that committed three errors, cursed out everyone in the clubhouse; there’s even some chatter about an incident at a bar in Tampa during a recent road trip; and the coup de grace – when manager Ron Washington informed Ponson that he’d pitch next time out on five days rest, Ponson went postal.

With Viagra-horder Roger Clemens too toxic, a pitching-poor baseball team has to sign Ponson. Once the NBA Finals and the draft are complete, and the July 4 holiday passes, the nation’s attention will turns to baseball. It’s safe to assume that about half of the teams will be eliminated from postseason contention, and we’ll need jerkoffs like Ponson to create mini-dramas for bad teams. Wouldn’t it be grand if the floundering Yankees acquired Ponson?