Intern Bill tackled the AL yesterday, and a nice little discussion broke out. Wonder if you’ll feel the same way about his NL musings. The photo of a perplexed and perhaps angry David Wright? That’s because the Mets 3B didn’t make the team. For fantasy owners like ourselves, this may be a blessing in disguise, because hopefully, he’ll be out to prove those idiotic voters wrong.

First base: Lance Berkman (Houston): The NL’s current MVP if the season ended today, Berkman is slugging .667. .667! That’s mid-roids Bonds numbers right there. You know what would be a great nickname for Berkman? Fat Elvis. The resemblance is uncanny.

Second base: Chase Utley (Philadelphia): Baseball’s leading home-run hitter was the right choice, and has been the best 2B in baseball for a while now. Might be the 3rd consecutive Phillies MVP winner to either miss the postseason or get bounced in the 1st round. Florida’s Dan Uggla has also been very, very good.

Shortstop: Hanley Ramirez (Florida): Remember when people used to debate on who was better: Hanley or Reyes? Fun times. The Red Sox obviously made the right pick in dealing Hanley to the Fish for Josh Beckett and Mike Lowell, but could you imagine Ramirez in Fenway Park, hitting triples off the Green Monster? Scary stuff.

Third base: Chipper Jones (Atlanta): Might not hit .400, but it’s been yet another terrific year in a Hall of Fame career.

Catcher: Geovany Soto (Chicago): First bad pick by the NL fans. Atlanta’s Brian McCann or LA’s Russell Martin would have been much better selections, especially McCann. When a team trades Jarrod Saltalamacchia because he’s blocked, you know the incumbent’s got game.

Outfield: Ryan Braun (Milwaukee): Another lousy pick by the NL fans. Colorado’s Matt Holiday should be the choice here. Philadelphia’s Pat Burrell or Pittsburgh’s Jason Bay would have been better.

Outfield: Alfonso Soriano (Chicago): Wretched pick. Soriano hasn’t played since June! We think it might be a by-product of Yankees fans voting for a former Yankee. We mentioned a few OF’ers above, but how about a spot for El Caballo? He hits, he eats, he trash talks with Dodger fans. That’s an All-Star if we’ve ever seen one.

Outfield: Kosuke Fukudome (Chicago): More Yao Ming-style ballot stuffing. Completely indefensible pick. As a side note, there’s nothing funnier than imagining the late Harry Caray butchering Fukudome’s name. We’d write what we’d think he’d say, but this is a family show, and some things can’t even be read in polite company.

PITCHERS:

Aaron Cook (Colorado): Not a bad choice, exactly, to be an All-Star, but there were a few more deserving guys out there. The Philly’s Cole Hamels, New York’s Johan Santana, and Atlanta’s Tim Hudson were all better. It is an absolutely travesty Hamels is not on this team.

Tim Lincecum (San Francisco): Lincecum is obviously the class of the NL, and should be terrorizing NL West hitters for decades. Spooky stat — Tiny Tim’s got a BABIP of .320, meaning that he should get better in the 2nd half! And judging by Verducci’s latest piece on the phenom, Lincecum’s dad can hit 88 on the gun at fifty years old. Maybe he might be able to help out the Brewers bullpen? It’s not like it can get worse!

Dan Haren (Arizona): While Haren’s trade to Arizona has worked out pretty well, the Haren trade from St. Louis didn’t. Dan Haren + Daric Barton + Kiko Calero for the animated corpse of Mark Mulder. Even if they got a good year and a world series out of it, Cards fans are still smarting over that one.

Ben Sheets (Milwaukee): Arguably the best pitcher in the NL this year. Unfortunately, Sheets getting injured isn’t so much of “if,” but an “when.” Hopefully it’s not so bad that the Brewers regret giving up the side of the farm system that wasn’t trained by Victor Conte.

Carlos Zambrano (Chicago): Zambrano’s been the best pitcher on the best team in the NL. Can’t go too wrong with this one.

Brandon Webb (Arizona): Bad pick, considering the other names out there. After a terrific start, Brandon Webb fell off a little bit towards the end of the break. Maybe NL manager Clint Hurdle got so used to Webb torching his Rockies that he’d warrant a selection.

Ryan Dempster (Chicago): Curious choice, because of who else is out there. Still, you can’t fault an ERA+ of 138 in a hitter’s park.

Brian Wilson (San Francisco): Bad pick. A sub 100 ERA+ shouldn’t warrant an all-star selection. Maybe give some consideration to Hong-Chih Kuo, the Dodgers set up man? Or why not a spot for Chris Marmol?

Edinson Volquez (Cincinnati): Beat the rush, Eddie – get Tommy John surgery now. Wayne Krivsky Walt Jocketty needs to get Dusty Baker away from this kid.

Kerry Wood (Chicago): A great honor for one of the toughest guys in baseball. Wood has had more surgeries and rehabs than the late Anna Nicole Smith, and somewhere, Mark Prior is crying over a hangnail. By the way, all you people who drafted Marmol with the expectation Wood would go down again, it’s not ok for you to root for him to get hurt. Bad juju.

Brad Lidge (Philadelphia): And we thought Philly’s harsh crowd and hitter-friendly confines would have destroyed Lidge. He’s having the best season of any reliever in baseball. Good for him. It’ll be fun to see if Albert Pujols can hit his next dinger off Lidge all the way to Long Island.

Billy Wagner (New York): Who’d have thought the NL team would need to fill a quota with the New York Mets. And to Omar Minaya’s dismay, it’s one of the white players! Just delightful.

Reserves:

Brian McCann (Atlanta): Good choice.
Aramis Ramirez (Chicago): How is David Wright not an All-Star? How was David Wright not the MVP last year? Tony Kornheiser had a great line about Alex Rodriguez on why no one likes the guy (and we’re paraphrasing): “He’s good looking, he has all the money, and he’s the best.” That has to be the reason why Wright’s not on the team. He’s better than A-Ram in a worse hitters park. No-brainer!
Matt Holiday (Colorado): Good choice.
Dan Uggla (Florida): Good choice.
Miguel Tejada (Houston): Not a good choice. And how did the players pick Tejada exactly? Pity from the Mitchell report? Maybe we can get someone from ESPN to sit Miguel Tejada down, show him a stat sheet and say “You’re not an All-Star this year!” How about Jose Reyes? Rafael Furcal? After this year’s Ortiz fiasco, anything’s fair game. JJ Hardy?
Russell Martin (Los Angeles): Good choice.
Nate McLouth (Pittsburgh): Jason Bay is having a better year very slightly, but we suppose if you need to take at least one Pirate, McLouth is as good as any. Best CF in the NL this year.
Albert Pujols (St. Louis): In any other year, .350 AVG, 1.000+ OPS, and stellar defense would be worth of an All-Star start. The NL is loaded with talented 1B.
Ryan Ludwick (St. Louis): It’s good to see a guy who’s flown under the radar his entire career have a good season. An OPS+ of 146! Even if he didn’t deserve it, we would have liked to see Rick Ankiel make the team. The thought of this guy having another career altering meltdown while air-mailing throws from the outfield in front of a national audience and 53,000 rabid New Yorkers booing him would be outstanding.
Adrian Gonzalez (San Diego): Best 1B not named Pujols or Berkman. Interesting idea — the Padres are in sell mode. Gonzalez would probably be the best 1B in the AL and wouldn’t cost the 20M that Mark Texiera would command. Might be worth making a few calls, we think.
Cristian Guzman (Washington): Did you see this guy’s numbers in 2005? He made Angel Berroa look like a Honus Wagner. That being said, remember when 4M was considered a bad contract?