This chat will work like the others: Email us questions, pepper us with questions via IM (thebiglead), or ask them in the comments and we’ll try to pass those along.

Q: How was Luther Campbell’s wedding?

“Funny. Absurd. Exceptional. It was actually a normal, beautiful wedding except the bride walked down the aisle to “Me So Horny.” No, I’m joking. She walked down the aisle to “It’s your birthday.” No joke, Doug E. Fresh was at my table. How great is that? I was surprised that Edgerrin James was the only athlete there given how much help Luther has given UM players over the years. Disco Rick was pinballing around there, too. But it was all pretty normal.”

Q: When was the last time you played 18 holes of golf? Walk or cart?

“Would you believe that the last time I picked up a golf cart was at a radio contest. Par 3. Hadn’t picked up a club in 15 years. And with my first shot put it four feet from the pin. Should have stopped there. After that, I swung and missed a few times and didn’t ever hit the green again. But I can see the appeal in that first shot. Heard I caused a stir around here by claiming golf isn’t a sport. How many blind women and 80 year olds and 6 years olds have you heard acing a hole and can you imagine any of them doing the hardest thing in, say, football?”

Q: when you were bowling with those hotties, how’d you do?

“Better than O’Bama. Can you elect a president who bowls a 30? Which hotties are we talking about? I’m not much of a bowler. I can bowl about 100. But I will say that bowling is as much of a sport as golf is.”

Q: How dare you make Tim Hardaway say such things about homosexuals… What was your initial reaction when he flipped on your show? Did you think the NBA was going to blackball him like this and do you think it will continue for the rest of his life?
P.S. BAM!

“Hated it. Love Tim. Wanted to throw up in the parking lot after the radio show. Knew what was coming for him, and I feel bad for anybody who is drowning in national shame pretty much regardless of what they did. Found the reaction fascinating, though. Blacks and whites taking sides, a lot of homophobia being spit, religion being thrown around, a lot of people blaming me and the media in general. Don’t know what I would do if I had to do it all over again and you tell me what his answer was going to be. Would I not ask to protect him? Did I feel so bad in that parking lot — and, I”m telling you, I was very close to vomiting — that I wouldn’t start that conversation because of what it did to Tim? Given that John Amaechi is my friend, and I feel it is an important conversation to have? I think I’d ask it again, but it was pretty brutal. To his credit, Tim never blamed me. A lot of athletes would have.”

Q: the hottest female chef on the food network is?

“I watch very little television, although I was told that the food network had some show that was trying to show Miami and that there was a shot of me trying to park my convertible while smoking a cigar. Bloated, sweaty guy doing nothing in the middle of the day. What’s more Miami than that?”

Q: you look like you’ve added a few since leaving the Herald. weigh yourself lately?

“Ha. I’m actually in about as good a shape as I’ve ever been in. Just gone done pushing tractor tires in a parking lot as part of some absurd training I’m doing, no lie. Television kills me. I’m 6-3, 230. People think I’m short and 300 pounds. That said, as Charles Barkley says, skinny people don’t look fat on TV. I whimpered to Mike Lowell one time that TV adds a lot of weight, and he asked me how many television I’d eaten.”

Q: Did you see that columnist who wrote about Erin Andrews’ outfit in the locker room? Any thoughts?

“Felt pretty mean but real. The curtain is being pulled back by blogs and sports radio and the like. We’re a long way from reporters protecting Joe DiMaggio while riding trains with him. And the media is fair game, being covered in some ways the way athletes are. And it is about time. We’ve been judge and jury for too long. We need a watchdog, too, and ESPN has bought all the people who would be watchdogs. We’ve been profiting for a long time as the ramora fish swimming under the belly of the shark beast that is sports. And now some folks are coming around to eat us, too, and that seems just given how unjust we can be putting everyone else under the microscope. If you don’t want that written about, don’t act like that in public. I dread the day that someone photographs me hammered at some bar, but my guess is it’ll happen unless I don’t do it. She’s good at her job. She’s getting interviews I’m not getting. And I’ve seen all manner of athlete melt around anyone female with a microphone. I wouldn’t suggest too many people get into the media business right now, but I’d suggest it if you are pretty and female. Barry Bonds would talk to female journalists. Good for them. It is a brutal place for them to try to work, so they should have some advantages, and they should use them. ”

Q: the new nFL code of conduct calls for the end of unruly behavior. is that BS or what?

“Goodell is a communist dictator. Fidel Goodell. He makes up the rules as he goes along. I can’t believe the way he has skated just circumventing our entire justice system by banning guys before they, you know, are convicted, and everyone just sort of applauds because it is the easy thing for him to do from a public-relations standpoint and it does nothing more than make him look good. It isn’t like guys aren’t getting in trouble anymore. Now they just drunk drive and flee their wrecked car. He hasn’t changed behavior. He has just done the easy thing and filed it under leadership. How would you feel if, for whatever reason, you were arrested three times because, as an example, the police just felt like bothering the rich black guy. But you weren’t guilty. And you went into work, and they told you that you’d have to miss three months without pay. And then, as seems to be the case with Tank Johnson and Chris Henry, it is later proven that you didn’t really do anything wrong on your last incident. That would kind of suck. I know these guys make very poor martyrs. Getting arrested a bunch of times seems like something most of us can avoid doing. But unfair is unfair and it would be nice if the commissioner of the league at least let the legalities play out before he starts swinging his dick. What he’s doing isn’t tough. It is easy. I don’t even come close to answering your question, did I? I had an interesting offer the other day to host an NFL Network show with Deion and Warren Sapp. It seemed like it might be interesting. But I couldn’t do it because I imagined myself getting fired by Goodell within two segments.”

Q: a tropical storm nearly hit Houston. do you feel left out in Miami?

“If not for the hurricanes, this would be the greatest place on the planet to live. I wouldn’t live anywhere else even WITH the hurricanes.”

who would you rather be, right now and why: Ted Thompson of the Packers or Coach K?

“This Favre thing is fascinating, isn’t it? Is he morphing into Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens right before our eyes. He has an awful lot of selfishness on his resume. Sticking his beak into Javon Walker’s holdout. Refusing to mentor Aaron Rogers. There’s a pain-killer addiction in his past. I don’t blame him for being selfish. Most of us are. I’ve never met an athlete who isn’t professionally selfish, no matter how much they speak in tongues about the cathedrals of unity, harmony, sacrifice and blah, blah, blah. But I do wonder why Favre gets, until now, to be the patron saint for sports heroes when you are seeing cartoonishly how amazingly narcissistic these guys can be. I didn’t answer this question, either, did I? I stink at this chat. I’m just ranting. I must miss writing. This is a profound moment of introspection I’m having right now as we speak but don’t really speak. I’m just yelling at you. I’m now sobbing.”

Q: What’s with Miami and these Pat Reilly situations. You know, decent coach gets moved out by executive ex-coach? Sparano getting fired isn’t so much as “if” as it is a “when’ “

“We have three GMs here who aren’t GM. Dolphins are run by Parcells, not Ireland. Heat by Riley, not Pfund. And Marlins by president Beinfest, not Hill. The Marlins, by the way, are the most interesting baseball team I’ve ever seen. They don’t do anything well but hit homers. They stink at defense, baserunning, bunting, all the little things. And, until recently, they couldn’t pitch. They just take porn hacks. And the Mets and Phillies should be terrified because they make no mathematical sense and they’ve survived being outscored all season and now their young pitching is getting healthy.”

Q: In ‘Any Given Sunday’ Al Pacino plays a coach whose personal life is in shambles because his near obsession with football and his old school coaching ways. At this point, Parcells is the real-life version of Pacino. So how long until we get a “Life is a game of inches” speech from Parcells? I’ll give it week 6.”

“That is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, and one of the worst speeches. There was an eyeball on the field. I saw that guy with the giant penis — anyone else know what I’m talking about here? — in New Orleans once and couldn’t quite place where I knew him. Then I realized it. Then I slinked away quietly and ashamed.”

Q: Tony Reali mentioned one of my sayings on his show, Around the Horn. What is the chance that I can get you to say Godzilla Biscuits on PTI?

“I’m taking a break from PTI for a while, but I would. Love dropping from radio shows on national television. I’ve done some secret signals referencing Dave’s Wannstache on national TV. I don’t take tv seriously if you hadn’t noticed.”

Q: Why does Dan consistently (on PTI anyway) insist that some MBL team pick up Barry Bonds? Doesn’t he get it that MBL teams are trying to do the right thing - i.e., remove the steroid stain from baseball - of which Barry is the poster boy. Dan is arguing, in effect, that Barry should be rewarded for his past actions. Dan is arguing that a team should sell its (already tarnished) soul for a few more wins and he comes off as sounding extremely deficient in the scruples department. Barry IS - AND SHOULD BE - a pariah. Let him focus on his court cases - don’t drag baseball down further.

“Because he was one of the top 10 offensive players in the national league last year in OPS. And because it makes no sense that the Marlins would go after Manny Ramirez and give up prospects but wouldn’t go after Bonds when he wouldn’t cost you anything. What’s happening to him is unfair and surrounds a ridiculous steroid hysteria that is the closest thing I’ve ever seen in sports to McArthyism. There are a lot of people still=2 0playing stained by steroids. And OF COURSE people who are as competitive as athletes will use steroids if not policed. Hell, the NFL is polluted by HGH, and the NFL IS policed. The steroids story is the most overblown of my lifetime. Guillermo Mota gets to keep pitching but Bonds gets black-balled. It is asinine.”

Q: Why do sports announcers mock the Tour de France because it is finding drug cheats. At least it is doing something. MBL baseball is using testing techniques that have allowed cheating (masking) and still do. The Tour is taking blood samples - is MBL baseball? So are we saying it is better to have lax testing and pretend the sport is clean - than actually doing something like the Tour de France and cleaning up the sport? Remember the majority of the steroid use in the Mitchell report is innuendo and hearsay (trainers, etc.). Very little evidence has come from positive steroid tests. That tells you that MBL has done very little in being proactive. I think the real joke is MBL - not the Tour.

“They’re both a joke, aren’t they? I also find interesting that Lance Armstrong has a lot of the same crap swirling around him as Bonds — damning books, credible accusers, etc. — but the disparity between the way he and Bonds are viewed is far greater than the disparity in the “evidence” against them.

Q: So is oklahoma football player/rapper Josh Jarboe a Miami Hurricane already, or are they just waiting a few weeks in hopes of good PR?

“Georgia and Alabama players are getting arrested a lot. Penn State, too. You know what that means, don’t you? They’ll be really good really soon.”

Q: know you don’t do PTI in-studio with Wilpon, but does it disturb you just a little bit to know he’s not wearing pants?”

I’m always in shorts too

Q: Erin Andrews spends her days looking hot, and watching athletes do manly shit. Wouldn’t you get a little touchy/grabby/feely with the players if you were put in that position?

As I type this, I am touching Terrell Owens triceps. He’s so STRONG. And, Terrell, you look FABULOUS in those pants.

Q: Any regrets regarding the coverage you gave “Da U” in the early 1990’s ?

“I covered the good and bad. I was a reporter then, not a columnist. I LOVED so much of what they were doing, all of it. I love the hot dogs, the rebels, the anarchists, lightning rods in sports. But I was a reporter then, covering the facts. So, no, I don’t have regrets. None of the stuff we wrote about got them in any trouble. They got in trouble for Pell Grants. That wasn’t my story. My stories were about Luther Campbell putting bounties on Notre Dame players and the team priest unknowingly holding the bounty money. How can you not love that? It was fascinating. Those teams were so Miami in every way. Everything happening in college football now has already been done here. Snoop Dogg on USC’s sideline. We did that already. The guys who did Cocaine Cowboys are doing a documentary on UM football. How good will that be?”

Q: Do you tend to cover college athletes different than pro ?

I don’t criticize college athletes.

Q: jason giambi dropped his mustache. will you drop bam?

Bam!

Q: If the theme songs from the NBA on ABC and TBS were swapped out for the theme song from COPS, would anyone notice?

Bam!

Q: do you own an xbox, and if so, what games do you play?

No. I own a Nintendo. Haven’t played it in 6 or 7 years. RBI Baseball is the greatest game ever made. I’m old

Q: did you see Batman? more tragic - heath ledger or james dean? You’re from the james dean era, right?

Not that old. I just saw Jack’s Joker today and Ledger made it look so awful. Ledger was perfect. One of my favorite youtube clips is the original batman in the tv show on a ladder from a helicopter trying to get a shark off his foot.

Q: Dan - What are your feelings about blogs posting pictures of athletes (i.e. the ND quarterback playing drinking games)?

Uncomfortable. But interesting. And what the mainstream media isn’t giving you. And one of the reasons you aren’t reading newspapers but are making blogs popular. We are getting dumber and more crass and less kind, but I can’t blame anyone. I’d rather see those pictures too than hear more Brett Favre talk

Q: Super Bowl picks. Go.

Cowboys. Colts. I love that Jerry Jones is getting every ‘bad guy’ and is about to be rewarded for it

Q: what’s the worst city you’ve been to in the last five years?

Detroit. I wouldn’t live there for all the money in the world. Seriously.

Q: Do you think being LeBatarded will ever replace being retarded? Like, will someone ever say, “God, what a LeBatard,” or “Quit being LeBatarded.”?

I hope so

Q: Of those four chicks [in the bowling picture], are any of them even remotely attractive?

don’t know the bowling picture you guys are speaking of….

Q: Do you think the Colts will miss the playoffs? Is the Marvin Harrison situation going to be a distraction?

i don’t believe in the idea of distractions. players are always distracted by parties and perfume…..if harrison plays, they’ll be great again

Q: Should people over the age of 22 with a college degree know the difference between your and you’re?

yes….another question: griffey was wearing his cap backward at a press conference the other day….what is the tipping-point age on when you shouldn’t do that any longer?

Q: What does Dan think about India’s chances against Sri Lanka in international cricket?

you know that 300 million has been spent to popularize cricket here? and we think baseball is slow? you see that story in pakistan where kids and others were killed in a kite competition because people were using razors on wires? and we bitch about steroids.

Q: when do you plan on taking over for Tony K on MNF?

That seems like a great job. Wish Tony enjoyed it more.

Q: Dan - Would you have got in the ring with Canseco for 5k? If not, how much would it take?

No. I embarrass myself enough without bleeding.

Q: Dan, who in MLB would you want to fight less than Prince Fielder?

that’s it….that’s the list. How does a vegetarian look that large? Anyone? Not that I”m in any position to be talking about the weight of others, but has he gained weight as a vegetarian?

Q: Does Jay Bilas still think an interview with you is “stupid” ???

i would guess so…..i like uncomfortable radio….i like uncomfortable questions….very little of what gets said is memorable and anger always gets attention….i don’t think it is absurd to wonder where the white superstar has gone in the nba and especially the white american….i don’t have an answer for it…..stan van gundy said it was because the 7 footer like Dirk if he comes through the american pipeline will get turned into a post player, consequences be damned, and that he won’t develop dirk’s game….that answer made more sense to me than jay’s anger and shut me up with reason….i wish that jay had engaged in that conversation, but i understand why no one wants to touch it

Q: Should Mitch Albom have been fired for the making up of a story at the Final Four….Who is more pompous Albom or Lupica…Who is shorter…..and do you worry about being labeled as a condascending power hungry douche like those 2..would you ever have people fired or lambaste co-workers like they do….

No, I don’t fire people or erase careers……I’ve never called for a coach to be fired….And I don’t like a landscape where one mistake erases a career of good work in any profession…..I’d say Lupica is less self-aware…..how’s that?…..They’re both extraordinarily talented…..You know Lupica writes his books by hand? In a legal pad? Seriously…..Albom has never been anything but kind to me…..Lupica, too, for that matter….They’ve been nicer to me than I deserve, actually….

Q: When will you suggest Lupica write a Pudge used to be on Roids column….Oh he wont he is a Yankee,just like Albom didn’t when he was a Tiger

But Bonds is banished. But the Yankee catcher is 40 pounds lighter and has, what, five homers? And why do we want to take the individual records but not the team ones? Does Pudge hold onto that ball to end the marlins-giants playoff series if he isn’t 40 pounds heavier?

Q: Your catch phrase was stolen from a chef. Do you consider yourself in the same league as Carlos Mencia when it comes to using other people’s jokes to your benefit?

Ha. The story is a funny one. I told it last time I was here, I think. He came up to me at a table in Miami at some celebrity thing. It was his restaurant. He asked me if we needed anything. I said the woman I was with was still waiting for her dish. This insulted him. He was evidently just asking if anyone wanted a photo or an autograph. And I asked him to go get my meal. Hence the bam…..

Q: Please name four people, outside of Jason McIntyre, who are on record as considering Norman Chad funny.

I think he’s funny. I didn’t think Arliss was funny. Norman Chad once wrote an episode and told me they cut out all but one sentence and gave him a writing credit. Maybe Arliss would have been funnier if they’d let Chad write more. But funny is pretty subjective. Frank Caliendo on our show is consistently hysterical to me and I’ve never found a syllable of what Dane Cook has said amusing and he sells out arenas….

Q: Dan, how come if you smile a lot on TV, everyone assumes you’re either dumb or arrogant (I imagine you get this question a lot).

“Because I’m having fun. And I can’t believe they pay me for this crap. And I think television is laugh-out-loud absurd. I’m not arrogant, at all, and I don’t take my self seriously, at all, but I do regret that I give that off somehow with a lack of self-awareness and a too-strident tone and delivery on unpopular opinions. I wish I could fix that. I hate that people view me that way. I don’t think I”m better or smarter than anybody, just luckier and blessed. What I am, more than anything, is socially clumsy. And that gets misconstrued as aloof or arrogant. But I’m a professional clown. How in the name of all that is holy and sane can I be arrogant about this nonsense?”

Q: What’s one sporting event he hasn’t been to that he’d actually want to go to?

fortunate to say i’ve been to everything I wanted to cover…..which is part of why i’m taking some time off

Q: more difficult: solving a rubix cube or coaching the miami dolphins QBs?

Bam!

Q: Dan - Please start your own blog and call it: “Bloated, sweaty guy doing nothing in the middle of the day.”

I was thinking of making that the name of my rock band

Q: Worst thing ESPN has done in the last 10 years — given newspaper writers steady televisi on appearances or ignore Spygate?

Bam!