Idiotic news regarding Shawne Merriman’s injured left knee continues to emanate out of San Diego, with the latest being that Señor Assclown himself has decided he doesn’t need surgery at all, and that he’ll just go out and play. Fantastic.

This of course makes perfect sense considering the first 63 professional opinions he sought on the injury all ended with, “get surgery, dickhead.” Probably just a coincidence.

It’s all a moot point anyway though, Merriman’s opinion trumped all and as expected, the explanation was nothing short of profound:

“I’m going to play,” he said in a text message to the San Diego Union-Tribune. “I’ll deal with it when it’s time to get surgery.”

Wow, never would’ve guessed a guy this bright was coached by Norv Turner. As Will Farrell dressed as Jim Lipton once said, “You. Are. Wise.”

Does he know that this is the NFL and not the WWE? (Actually, the more I think of it, someone really needs to ask him this question.) Maybe he thinks that if he calls Vince McMahon he’ll tweak the storyline to limit his in-ring activity but still find a way to include him in the main event.

Or perhaps his preference is for the two torn ligaments to fly off his leg during a game so he can savagely throw them around his shoulders and wear them as a necklace, all while hopping on one leg and taunting the visiting sideline. And that might be the fitting ending for him because his career would be over at the young age of 24, but such a shocking act would all but guarantee a giddy call from Vince, likely that same day.

In all seriousness, last week Merriman himself even acknowledged that the injury could be career-threatening if he played on it. One would think by now he’d just give in to the inevitable and get this crap over with. Osi did.

This is going to end badly. I imagine most of you will enjoy it though, and I can’t say I blame you.

Go ahead Shawne, you freakin’ jackass, pour some ‘Tussin on that knee. Heals that shit right up.