Today’s opener pits Philly’s strikeout star, Cole Hamels (sixth in the NL!), and Milwaukee’s phenom Yovani Gallardo, who was injured for much of the season. No pressure on the Phillies or anything, but CC Sabathia is going in Game Two for the Brewers, and the way he’s pitched in the last two weeks (16 IP, 1 ER) gives Milwaukee a huge advantage.

After you take the time to inspect Ryan Howard’s lady friends, follow the jump for our meaningless postseason predictions, wherein we have the two favorites losing in the first round!

DLS: Philly over Milwaukee in four, Dodgers over the Cubs in five, White Sox over the Rays in four, and the Red Sox over the Angels in five.

LCS: Los Angeles over Philly in six, and Boston over Chicago in five.

WS: Dodgers over the Red Sox in six. It is entirely possible that we get every single one of these series’ wrong. In fact, it seems likely.