We are accepting suggestions to rename the soccer segment.  “Onion Baggin” has been the best so far.  If you have a better one, e-mail me at tyduffy@gmail.com.

Trinidad & Tobago 2 – United States 1: The Soca Warriors pulled rank on a young U.S. team, with goals coming from 40-year-old midfielder Russell Latapy and “All-Night” Dwight Yorke. Â (Both played on the last T&T team to beat the U.S. in 1989.)  The match was essentially meaningless for the U.S., who secured advancement against Cuba. But, the jolt should spark the complacent coals. (On a side note, the steel drum version of the Star-spangled Banner was awesome)

Belarus 1 – England 3: England’s journey to Minsk was not erotic, but they throttled Belarus in an uninhibited display of ambition.  Steven Gerrard scored his first competitive goal for England since March 2007 and a newly shorn Wayne Rooney bagged another double.  Had Gerrard been less profligate, they would have won by more.  England sit five points ahead in the group after four matches, amassing the full 12 points and scoring 14 goals.  It’s almost enough to make Fabio Capello’s speedo excusable.

Portugal 0 – Albania 0: Built up and hot with a man advantage (from Admir Teli hitting Ronaldo in the face), Portugal couldn’t find a release against the testy Albanians, stalling to their second consecutive stalemate.  If Sweden win their game in hand, Portugal would be tied for fourth place in the group with five points from four matches.  Portugal figured that they hired the brains behind Sir Alex Ferguson, instead they may have found the Portuguese Steve McClaren, without the fake Dutch accent.

Belgium 1 – Spain 2: Spain conceded their first goal in seven matches, but retorted and eventually won on a David Villa special in the 88th minute.  More important moving forward, at least for Liverpool, is Fernando Torres leaving early in the first half with “intense pain in the back part of the thigh,” a thought scarier for Liverpool fans than John McCain’s teeth in HD.

Stars Align for Domenech: The French Football Federation set a firm, attainable target of five points from the first three qualifying matches for Raymond Domenech to keep his job.  France earned only four points, in a run that included a ridiculous 3-1 loss to Austria.  After fervent philosophical debate and much shrugging, the French showed their characteristic fortitude, allowing him to stay.

For those that missed it last summer, in a four-hour period.  Domenech took off an attacker to shore up the defense when France needed two goals to advance and blamed the French hotel’s cul-de-sac for the team’s performance.  He then chose the awkward post-elimination press conference to propose to his girlfriend, a television presenter on the French network covering the press conference.