The Onion Bag: A Weekend of Milestones
Soccer October 27th. 2008, 3:15pm
This was a weekend of soccer milestones on the pitch and off. My own was having a sozzled male Arsenal fan on the subway grab my ass and tell me how sexy I looked in my Fabregas jersey.
Chelsea 0 – Liverpool 1: Bonafide contenders Liverpool beat Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, ending an 86-game home unbeaten streak begun in Feb. 2004. The win places Liverpool three points clear at the top of the Premier League table. Â If John Terry whipped out a knife and stabbed an opposing striker in the jugular, English television pundits would praise his ingenuity.
Tottenham 2 – Bolton 0: Spurs, with their $170m of summer signings in tow, finally won their first match of the season. Not coincidentally, it came after they fired special Juande Ramos and director of football Damien Comolli, replacing him with Portsmouth manager “Appy Arry†Redknapp. Cash-strapped Pompey got £5m for their inconvenience, and no longer need to send their foreign players for Cockney lessons.
Sunderland 2 – Newcastle 1: Sunderland won their first Tyneside Derby at home since 1980. The Black Cats were happy to see The Lord of the Manor of Frodsham Djibril Cisse get on the score-sheet. They were surely less happy, given his history of broken legs, to see him celebrate with an Ozzie Smith-style backflip.  A supporter face lifetime bans and has Getty distribute his ass crack to news outlets throughout the world.
Olympique Marseille 2 – Paris St. Germain 4: Uncharacteristic for French soccer, two rivals throttling each other in a riveting four-two extravaganza, tied until the final 15 minutes. Quite characteristic for French soccer, Marseille’s failure leaves, seven-straight title winner Olympique Lyonnais at the top of the Ligue Un table.
Hoffenheim 3 – Hamburg 0: Little Hoffenheim, who were in the fifth division of German soccer in 2000, thumped Hamburg, with three goals in the first 35 minutes, passing them to the top of the Bundesliga table. The Hamburg effort, undoubtedly, will have left Martin Jol muttering obscenities in his throaty Dutch whisper. Hoffenheim has just 3,000 residents.
Goal of the Week: Kieran Richardson vs. Newcastle
14 Responses to “The Onion Bag: A Weekend of Milestones”
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October 27th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I think the fact that Hull is in third place (second if you ignore the goal differential) in the Premiership is enough to warrant a full post about the Tigers. How the hell is this not headline news every day?
October 27th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Fair enough, but I have mentioned them numerous times. I also think the Hoff would probably be post worthy.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Hmmm, just goes to show how much I pay attention around here. Carry on.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
I noticed you stopped using Ballin in these posts. next, we need to stop these soccer posts once and for all. one step at a time
October 27th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Chelsea dominated TOP, but Liverpool’s defense played its best game in a long time. It’s about time a bounce went Liverpool’s way in one of these matches.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
anyone beating west brom and butterfingers macgoo isnt newsworthy
but what hull are doing is incredible. a few more wins and theyre essentially guaranteed staying up.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Big win for Arsenal to keep momentum. I find it odd they have yet to have a top four match when the Pool have already had two. Have United and Chelsea played yet?
October 27th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
yeah they drew 1-1 at the bridge a few weeks back
arsenal have theirs coming. in november they play united, aston villa, man city, and chelsea
October 27th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Im not too concerned with Villa at home or even City. Important to run Fenerbache out of the building to lock up a knockout bid so they can use the month to focus on those four contests. Watch, they will lose to Stoke then run all four.
October 27th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
I’m not too concerned about that run of games. Villa and Man U are at home.
I like our chances against Scolari’s Chelsea. Their overlapping fullbacks leave them vulnerable to pacey counterattacking, which is where Arsenal excels. They also don’t have a menacing striker unless Drogba becomes the player he was two years ago.
Arsenal are going to run riot against Man City. They are undisciplined and can’t defend.
I think generally play better against teams that will try to beat them and open up. It’s teams that are disciplined and shut up shop that I worry about.
October 27th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
and the hoffenheim story is pretty cool. they were bought by dietmar hopp, one of the founders of SAP, in 1990 and they were essentially nothing. he infused them with money and they made their rise up through the ranks, its pretty impressive how far theyve come. he played with them as a kid and decided to invest, much more touching story than oil magnate mafiosos buying north london clubs
October 27th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
No Robinho mention? I thought a hat-trick might warrant some props Mr. Duffy.
October 27th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
“Arsenal are going to run riot against Man City. They are undisciplined and can’t defend.”
Saving this comment as well… It will be a Blue Moon in London.
October 28th, 2008 at 12:14 am
Of the five most important things in soccer this weekend, Robinho running through every pious goal-scoring celebration possible didn’t make the list.
I did mention it here.