This is Abigail Clancy.  She allows Peter Crouch into her bed.  She also didn’t understand the black dress-camera flash conundrum.  Now read my soccer posts and click on the ads.

Arsenal 2 - Manchester United 1: Arsenal beat Man U in a super clash with titannic title implications and all that jazz.  Pundits will pump the Gunners’ reformation, but, in reality, they just had better luck.  Arsenal’s back four remains shambolic.  Almunia still acts the clown.  With a late lead, they were as composed as a virgin on prom night.  Would the real Cesc Fabregas please stand up and report to Arsenal’s training ground?

Back in Black…and Red: Contrary to the prevalent wisdom, Ronaldinho has resuscitated his career at AC Milan.  The inflamed Brazilian has scored four goals in eight appearances in Serie A, and he also hit the injury-time screamer, as shown in the video, against Braga in the UEFA Cup.  He doesn’t move with the facility of old, but he’s shown enough, apparently, to rejoin the national team.

Four for Gago: Twenty-year old Franco-Argentine striker Gonzalo “Gago” Higuain netted four goals for Real Madrid in a barn-burner that saw them escape 4-3 at home against pesky Malaga.  The match had three penalties, eight yellow-cards, and a straight red for Sergio Ramos, who left Madrid down to ten in the first half.  Though nervier than it should have been, Madrid will take the win, having lost three of their previous five.

A New Stadium for Chelsea? Roman Abramovich may dig into his battleship fund to finance a new $783 million 75,000-seat stadium with a retractable roof for Chelsea near London’s Battersea Power Station.  If approved, the move may incite a quarrel.  Chelsea have played at Stamford Bridge since 1905.  The new stadium, in a different borough of London, is more than an hour walk from the old.  The club’s naming rights are also owned by a nonprofit group, which may force Chelsea to change their name.  Chelsea have denied the rumors.

Come on Guys It’s November! The MLS playoffs are occurring right now, which, judging from the ratings, most of you did not know.  The Chicago Fire eliminated New England 3-0 on aggregate and will face Columbus in the Eastern Conference Finals on the Deuce Thursday Night.  The New York Red Bulls, who somehow migrated to the Western Conference during the playoffs, knocked off the defending champion Dynamo and will face Real Salt Lake on Saturday in the Western Conference Finals.