Arsenal 0 – Aston Villa 2: Aston Villa outplayed, outsmarted and out-managed an indolent Arsenal eleven, who attacked the opposition with the menace of a tranquilized golden retriever.  The loss, Arsenal’s fourth (they lost three last season and finished third), ends all pretense of a title ambition.  The “Arsene Wenger is a magical genius, how dare you question anything he does however illogical” defense no longer flies.

Real Valladolid 1 – Real Madrid 0: Real Madrid lost to a team that was pantsed 6-0 by Barcelona last weekend.  After consecutive Champions League losses to Juventus and being dumped from the Copa Del Rey by third-division Real Union, Schuster may have “Bernd” his last bridge at the club (Thank you, thank you very much).  The German manager did not show up to voluntary training on Sunday, and will be deposed shortly.

Roma 1 – Lazio 0: Roma won the 129th Rome Derby, thanks to the inappropriately handled Julio “The Beast” Baptista piercing the ennui with an awesome header.  Lazio had a few late chances.  The referee gifted them a red card for Perrotta to even the numbers.  However, they just could not tie it up.  Reports that one of the players broke a sweat during this mind-number are unconfirmed.

MLS Cup Craziness: The New York Red Bulls, who are not in the Western Conference, scrapped a 1-0 victory against the run of play over Real Salt Lake, earning a trip to face Eastern Conference champs Columbus Crew in the MLS Cup Final.  The plucky Red Bulls proved dismissive pundit Alexi Lalas wrong for the second time, which aroused the ire of the freshly blunt Soccer By Ives.

Goal of the Week: Manchester United striker Danny Welbeck, just 17 years old, made his debut at the back end of their drubbing at Stoke, and scored the cracker shown below.  Also, kudos to American Michael Bradley, whose equalizing header earned Monchengladbach a surprising draw against Bayern Munich.