The Onion Bag: MLS Cup Champions Columbus Crew!
Soccer November 24th. 2008, 12:30pm
A Solid Weekend For Columbus:Â The Red Bulls miraculously rushed to the MLS Cup final, but like their namesake’s drinkers crashed unceremoniously at the end. Though his name won’t appear on the scoresheet, former Argentina international Guillermo Barros Schelotto carried the plot, assisting on all three Columbus goals to add a bit of Cholula to his savory, sweet MVP season.
Schelotto has been the revelation David Beckham was supposed to be on the field, but his success embodies the MLS paradox. The league needs electrifying players with flair and skill. It can’t produce them. It credits MLS to have such players, it’s an indictment when they can eviscerate the league’s gauche underbelly at 35-years-old.
New York left with the bitter defeat taste and so did the Clown Prince of Ginger, Alexi Lalas. The ESPN pundit agreed to shotgun one of the Red Bull drinks he hates on live television if the club made the MLS Cup Final, and felt compelled to share his training secrets.
The Best League In the World: The top five Premier League clubs played 450 minutes of combined soccer on Saturday, without scoring a goal. Chelsea drew Newcastle 0-0. Liverpool drew Fulham 0-0. Aston Villa and Manchester United tied each other. Only the newly captain-less Arsenal conceded, lying prone for a 3-0 railing from Manchester City. Thank you, midweek international matches!
Inter Ascend: Inter Milan felled the mighty Juventus in a fashion reminiscent of Jose Mourinho’s Chelsea days, 1-0 on a deflected goal. Their win opened a three point gap with crosstown dwellers A.C. Milan who drew, disappointingly to Torino. Juventus and Napoli sit three points further back, clinging to the remaining Champions League places. Lazio and Fiorentina follow behind them breathing heavier on their neck than this guy behind Erin Andrews.
Barca Lose Some Pep: Real Madrid’s narrow victory over Recreativo Huelva impressed few, and they did lose Gonzalo Higuain ahead of a crucial Champions League clash against BATE. However, after losing four of their past eight in all competitions, the under-assault Schuster will take it.. The win also picked Madrid up two points on leaders Barcelona, who needed a Seydou Keita equalizer to draw Getafe 1-1 at home, denying Los Cules a tenth straight victory.
The Redknapp Revolution Continues: With Bob Ley monitoring at the Bristol command center, Tottenham Hotspur eeked out a 1-0 win against Blackburn Rovers, propelling the once hapless club out of the relegation zone for the first time this season. Aaron Lennon, on loan from the Lollipop Guild, assisted on Pavyluchenko’s goal earning foolish comparisons to Theo Walcott.
Goal of the Week: Francisco Rodriguez - PSV vs. Heracles
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12 Responses to “The Onion Bag: MLS Cup Champions Columbus Crew!”
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November 24th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
We did it man!
November 24th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Great day for Columbus! Great weekend for Columbus!
Schelotto is one of the 5 best players to ever play in the MLS, even at 35. His vision is beyond comprehension.
November 24th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
fuck michigan
November 24th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
i know, it’s almost as if you’d have to give a shit about soccer to comprehend it. i for one, have no idea how he does it.
November 24th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
foosball > soccer
November 24th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Cholula >>> Franks Red Hot
November 24th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Ty Duffy - 10/27, 4:00pm “Arsenal are going to run riot against Man City. They are undisciplined and can’t defend.”
Blue Moon!
November 24th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
As I said yesterday about the trophy presentation…Sad that the MLS Commish couldn’t even get the Crew’s Captain right, when he was standing right there…you know the player that actually had the Captain’s Armband on. Rob Stone with the rescue, what a dope. He thought it was Schelotto and not Hejduk.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Once again, stop talking about MLS. You know nothing. While GBS is the engine of the Crew machine, it was youngsters like Robbie Rogers, Chris Marshall, Emmanuel Ekpo and Eddie Gaven who got them there. Look at any league in the world and you will see older holding midfielders, who do not run and do not play defense, while around them speedy players make up for it. Not to mention the youngsters throughout the league who have made an impact. A few older stars (GBS, Angel, Beckham and Blanco) does not make this a retirement league. If you watched MLS you would know that it is the young players who are driving this league, not the old farts.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I don’t know what is worse. Me saying that. Or you going through the trouble to find it. Touche.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Once again, you spew vitriol and put words in my mouth. Since you seem to have difficulty reading, my contention was as follows.
A. Schelotto was the dominant player in MLS - Won MVP award, dominated the final
B. Schelotto is 35 years old (Fact) and is still dominant because of his technical ability (fairly apparent)
C. MLS hasn’t produced players of that caliber - name one?
D. Schelotto dominating at his age highlights point C
I never said anything about a retirement league. You are picturing anti-MLS arguments and attributing them wantonly to me. Though, if you want to go down that road, the “retirees” GBS, Angel and Blanco are arguably the three best players in the league.
It’s irrational to dismiss MLS offhand. It’s equally irrational to glorify everything about it. I try to take the middle ground, which I feel is fair.
November 24th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Ok, maybe I spewed some premature vitriol. But I’m tired of EPL snobs turning up their nose at the “quality of MLS.” Has MLS produced any 35-year-old technical masters? That’s a stupid question, considering the league is 12-years old. But it has produced some of the best players to put on a U.S. national team uniform. I’m not glorifying MLS; I’m asking that it be fairly represented. Javier Morales, Kenny Cooper, Shalrie Joseph, Dwayne DeRosario have had arguable bigger impacts for their clubs, yet no one talks about them. Look, I’m not arguing that your big three have had an enormous impact in MLS, I’m just looking for a bit more of nod to the talent that exists beyond the stars in their twilight. Beckham be damned.