ESPN advanced its subtle, soccer-forward agenda yesterday, promoting its live Champions League match to the big time, from its customary slot on the Deuce. We applaud your sneaky efforts gentlemen.

Arsenal 1 – Dynamo Kiev 0: Cesc Fabregas debuted as Arsenal captain and came through with a Beckhamesque ball to set up Nicklas Bendtner and his fabulous pink boots for the decisive 87th minute goal (seen above).  William Gallas returned without incident.  The Gunners performance was dull, but given the chaos off the field, much appreciated.  Arsenal advance to the next round.

Zenit St. Petersburg 0 – Juventus 0: Machiavelli made Italians cynical.  It shows up in their soccer.  Juventus had already qualified, and a win would have qualified Real Madrid.  They had to travel all the way to Russia.  It was snowing.  There were bombs going off.  Not surprisingly, the Old Lady saved it for another day.  Despite holding nearly 70% of the possession, Zenit could not take advantage.

AaB Aalborg 2 – Celtic 1: If Dan Shaughnessy lived in Glasgow, Celtic would be cursed.  The Bhoys blew a 1-0 lead in the second half, succumbing in the 87th minute on a Gary Caldwell own goal.  They have now earned just one point from a possible 54, in their last 18 European away matches.  The loss also locks last place in Group E, ejecting them from Europe this season.

Manchester United 0 – Villarreal 0: This was interesting for its novelty.  It was the fourth straight scoreless draw between Man U and Villarreal, and United’s second in four days.  Conveniently, the draw sent both teams into the next round.  The only remarkable moment was Joan Capdevila’s savage studs-up lunge at Cristiano Ronaldo’s knee.  Fortunately—or unfortunately if you don’t fancy the Portuguese—Capedevila missed.