1. New York Giants (1). Plax wouldn’t have dropped this.
2. Pittsburgh (2). A gift, indeed.
3. Tennessee (4). If rookie Chris Johnson finishes in the top three in rushing (he’s 6th), and the Falcons miss the playoffs, does CJ trump Flacco for ROY?
4. Dallas (3). To make you like Romo again … jiggly Jessica.
5. Carolina (8). Hopefully, DeAngelo Williams can lead us to a win over Hot Clicks in the Fantasy Football playoffs.
6. Indianapolis (5). In the fantasy playoffs, hopefully you have the Colts defense this week.
7. New York Jets (6). Too distraught to talk about this.
8. Tampa Bay (7). Go Falcons! Sorry, fellas.
9. Minnesota (9). Has anyone else ever substituted “T Jackson” while singing “Ms. Jackson” in that Outkast song?
10. Baltimore (11). Will have to protect Flacco better than it did last time against Pitt (five sacks).
11. New England (13). Alternating wins-losses the last seven weeks, so it should lose to Oakland Sunday.
12. Miami (16). Silver loves him some Sparano.
13. Denver (14). Looks like it’ll host the Ravens, Dolphins, or Pats in the first round. Already lost to the last two.
14. Philadelphia (18). Eagles win out and Atlanta loses one more, and Philly’s in.
15. Atlanta (10). We sort of miss the Bartkowski and Gerald Riggs jokes.
16. Chicago (15). Devin Hester has 15 more receiving yards and only one less TD than Chad Johnson.
17. Green Bay (17). Defense was 11th in the league last year; 23rd this year.
18. Arizona (19). Worst rushing offense in the league. Good luck in January.
19. New Orleans (20). Freezing rain expected in Chicago, so Pierre Thomas should be ready for 20 carries.
20. Washington (12). So offensive line in the draft?
21. San Diego (21). More problems than Oprah.
22. Houston (22). Texans on a roll, Titans just won the division … take Houston getting three.
23. San Francisco 49ers (27). Would 8-8 tell you all you need to know about Singletary and Alex Smith?
24. Jacksonville (23). Might as well lose the next three to get a really high draft pick.
25. Oakland (24). Nnamdi Asomugha vs. Randy Moss should be thrilling.
26. Cleveland (25). If Marty is hired, will he want to replace butterfingers Braylon with Webster Slaughter? Too bad he can’t bring back Hanford Dixon in the secondary.
27. Kansas City Chiefs (26). Glenn Dorsey’s had a weak rookie year. Just 28 tackles, one sack and one forced fumble in 13 games.
28. Seattle (28). Quick, anyone got a fallback plan for Crabtree? It’s gotta be offense.
29. Buffalo Bills (29). Argonauts offense could teach the Bills a few things.
30. St. Louis (30). O-line first, and then half a dozen defensive players?
31. Cincinnati (31). Chad Johnson still needs 493 yards for a 1,000 yard season. Does not have a 100-yard receiving game this season.
32. Detroit (32). Such a mess that some guy named Dominic Raiola is willing to fight fans.