The drive.
Earnest Byner’s fumble.
The shot (in Craig Ehlo’s grill).
And 1948, which was the last time the Indians won the World Series.

There’s your history of Cleveland sports, give or take Bernie Kosar, World B. Free, and Brook Jacoby.

Cleveland and athletic futility go together like bars and Drakkar Noir. If you dab some Drakkar Noir behind the ears before going out, you can forget about scoring. Not happening. Women are repulsed by it (although it may have worked in 1994). If you’re a member of a Cleveland sports team, forget about winning anything. Ever.

But perhaps a history of sucking ended today in Cleveland, when the cornerstone of the Cleveland Cavaliers franchise, LeBron James, put out a statement saying he’ll sign on the dotted line to remain in Cleveland for five years and $80 million.

Assuming LeBron stays true to his word and doesn’t pull a Carlos Boozer – hey Cleveland fans, remember that one? – then what to make of the Greg Anthony conspiracy theory about LeBron going to the Knicks? By now, you know we love a good conspiracy theory – although we never watched “X-Files,” we just ordered the iconic shirt that simply reads SOMETHING IS OUT THERE from the teen angst classic, “Can’t Hardly Wait” – so we’ll just put it out there: The first day this deal can become official is July 12.

So while this statement sounds official, it’s pretty much worthless, since the word of athletes has nearly as much value as the turd we just flushed down the toilet.

Taking the Challenge (God Hates Cleveland Sports)
LeBron Will Stay in Cleveland (Cleveland Plain Dealer)