We sincerely hope affable Washington Redskins running back Clinton Portis recovers from his dislocated shoulder soon, because if his recent comments in Esquire are any indication, the offseason did nothing to muzzle arguably the greatest quote in the NFL.

In an occasionally-riveting article titled, “How a Young Man Lives,” Portis (aka Southeast Jerome) shows off his bachelor pad in Virginia to writer Chris Jones. The decadent mansion features a bed of epic proportions.

Despite a seven-year relationship with a woman “in Miami,” the 24-year Portis apparently is quite the cocksman:

… More specifically, it’s reserved for his bed, the headboard of which consists of an aquarium that nearly reaches the ceiling, a square-shouldered arch filled with salt water, coral, fish, and a freakishly large sea anemone that looks an awful lot like a gaping vagina.

“You gonna fool yourself, too? Portis says. “I know what this looks like, but I got a woman down in Miami. We been together seven years.”

Um, dude …

“You know what, man, honestly? Yeah. I have my share. I have fun with it. I’m twenty-four, bro! You love to think that the woman you’re with, that’s the woman you want for the rest of your life. And I done felt that way. But I’m twenty-four! I don’t do shit to disrespect her. I try to keep it outta her face. But we have an understanding.”

Which is?

“Let’s just call it an understanding that I’m not perfect.”

Rarely do we get athletes of this magnitude to display such candor – and when such revelations are made, they usually come off as cocky or reeking of braggadocio. Not with Portis. Sadly, the article isn’t online yet, but if you are the type to load up on magazines at Borders prior to the beach this weekend, it’s worth picking up.

How a Young Man Lives (Esquire)

[PS - For all the subscribers in the house, we’re 90% certain that the Sexiest Woman Alive is the radiant and gorgeous Rachel McAdams. We have very little proof, but we’re fairly certain it’s her. Or second guess would be Sara Foster. The title was previously claimed by the spectacularly hot Jessica Biel, who either stole J. Lo’s ass or these photos were doctored.]