We’d be willing to trade our 1984 Don Mattingly Topps rookie card, all three of our Kevin Maas Upper Deck rookie cards, and our 1987 Topps Oddibe McDowell card (damn if he doesn’t look like Dave Chappelle) for seats next to Christina Aguilera. She attended the Yankees 3-2 loss to the Orioles Wednesday at Yankee Stadium; we cropped out the chump who was seated next to her because we thought you’d like it.

Sure, she paints on the makeup, but look at the rack. And the ease with which she feigns interest in baseball. If you’ve ever been in a strip club when ‘Dirrty’ blared over the loudspeakers, you know why we can’t get her out of our mind.