We rushed a bit trying to squeeze this one in under the 5 p.m. deadline (and failed by three minutes). We tried to have fun with these categories, but we’ve got New Year’s on the mind, so our thoughts are fixated on the bottom of a champagne bottle. We’ll try to leave this up all weekend, and resist the urge to post (yeah, right), so comment like there’s no tomorrow. Please no bitching about the many, many ties. Happy New Year, kids.

Sports Media Story of the Year: Jason Whitlock getting fired from ESPN after obliging to an interview with us and Harold Reynolds getting fired from ESPN for inappropriate behavior with a production assistant (tie). Reynolds was damn close to pulling this one off when he hired a private investigator for reasons that remain unclear; Whitlock’s weekly barbs at the likes of the ‘Pipemaker’ and Scoop Jackson over at AOL Sports keep this one in a dead heat.

Sports Annoucer Who Went from Great to Douchebag: Kirk Herbstreit, ESPN. Three years ago, the guy would have been a contender for top sports analyst in the college football division (if one existed). What’s with the ego, Herbie?

Hottest Sideline Reporter: Colleen Dominguez, ESPN. Narrowly edges out Erin Andrews and Pam Oliver. They should mudwrestle for second place. However, if Melissa Stark were still roaming NFL sidelines, she’s our pick. Where is she, anyway?

Best Way to Improve Sports Reporters: Less Mike Lupica. Supposedly, he was the shit in like 1992. Now, he’s awful.

Coolest Sports Blog Name: Rich Kotite Banged Your Mom. There are roughly 361 blogs neck-and-neck for second, but the use of ‘banged’ works really well here.

Best Sports Site for Scoreboard Watching: Yahoo, and it’s not even close.

Sports Site We Might Visit More, but it Loads Painfully Slow: Sportsline.

Biggest TV Assclown, NFL Division: Michael Irvin. Nobody’s even close. Irvin’s ties are collectively a distant second.

Biggest TV Assclown, NBA Division: Jim Gray, but only because he had the gall to think Iverson would give him his cell digits. Ass. Were it not for the Iverson snafu, John Thompson takes this one, hands down.

Biggest TV Assclown, MLB Division: John Kruk. He’s terrible. Orel Hershiser needs some work, too.

TV Analyst We’d Like to Hear in Any Sport: Charles Barkley and Tommy Smyth (tie). Obviously, Sir Charles rules. But it was a World Cup year, and Smyth and his thick Irish accent were on point all summer. Wouldn’t mind hearing him do an NFL game, assuming he knew the rules.

One NFL Game, Three Announcers: Don Criqui, Troy Aikman, John Madden. Surprised ya, huh? Feels like Criqui has been banished from doing any games involving two teams with a winning record, but the man is solid. AL Michaels is a close second.

One MLB Game, Two Announcers: Bob Costas and Al Leiter. Polar opposites John Miller and Joe Buck probably slug it out for second place for play-by-play duties. Can’t think of a color guy who distinguished himself in 2006.

One NBA Game, Three Announcers: This one’s easy – Marv Albert, Snapper Jones, Bill Walton. Tom Tolbert, though much improved, is still not permitted in the building.

Announcer We Love to Hate, but Secretly Enjoy: His nightly Coach K knob-polishing aside, Dick Vitale claims a narrow victory over Billy Packer and Brent Musburger. Yes, we actually enjoy all three. Don’t hate us cause we’re stupid.

Best Radio Act: Jim Rome. Sorry, the guy’s funny. We’re car-less in New York, so our options are limited. The only other names we can come up with are Mike & the Mad Dog. They’re decent – if you’ve just smoked a bowl and are stuck in a cab going crosstown at rush hour.

Favorite General Sports Columnist, Division I Norman Chad and TJ Simers (tie). They both make us laugh on a weekly basis. Few others do. Athlete-loving Dan LeBatard, who gives good interview, is up near the top, along with Selena Roberts of the New York Times.

Favorite General Sports Columnist, Division II: Tim Kawakami, San Jose Mercury News. We don’t read him enough. A logjam after that includes Jim Carty (Ann Arbor News), Gary Parrish (Sportsline), Tim Brown (Yahoo). If you’re curious, any major metro papers are excluded from this category, and so is ESPN.

Most Blatant Job of Media Protecting the Media: Tony Kornheiser on MNF. Sure, there were a handful of folks who took shots at TK. But based on his performance, it could – should? – have been far more critical.

Media Columnist Who Needs to Escape ESPN’s Pocket: Mike Hiestand, USA Today. His ability to set the agenda is astounding; what he actually does with his platform is disappointing.

Best Media Writer, Print: Andrew Marchand and Phil Mushnick (tie). This New York Post tag team seemingly fears nobody. The élan in which they pounce is something to behold.

Best Media Writer, Online: Richard Deitsch of Sports Illustrated and Paulsen, operator of Sports Media Watch, (tie). We haven’t been able to find many more online, but these two get it right.