Opening day is in full swing – Jose Contreras was shelled, causing White Sox fans to raise a white flag; the Yankees infield already has committed three errors; and douchy Pete Rose is about to be out of some money for betting on Carlos Zambrano against the Reds.

Oh, and the President passed on throwing out the first pitch. Maybe the Nationals pulled the plug, thinking Bush’s arm might look better than John Patterson’s.

And what would Opening Day be without wacky emailers! Shit you not, we actually received this email a few weeks ago, but wanted to hold it specifically for today. This reader – not from San Francisco, we should add – actually thinks maybe Barry Bonds used the ‘Cream’ because of a dry skin problem. Yes, really.

Ok I have been doing a little research on steroids and the “Cream” that everyone wants to go after Barry Bonds about. I have two kids, a son who is 9 and a daughter who is 6 years old. They have very bad dry skin called Eczema and have to get a “cream” that has a steroid substance in it. The both play baseball and basketball and recently had to take a physical in a tournament out of town. The director of the tournament wanted to kick my kids out of the tournament because they tested for steroids and the sample came up positive. I called my local doctor and explained the situation to him and he spoke with the director of the tournament and everything was ok. I found out that the stuff that was give to my kids by their doctor was give to athletes and people with “dry skin” all the time. It didn’t make my kids better or faster. So why are people going after Barry Bonds Like he is the worse thing in baseball. Could this be the same thing and he may have a dry skin problem!

No witty rejoinder necessary.

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