And the first series of the season is in the books. You won’t read about Barry Bonds going yard, or the Astros getting swept by the Pirates. Anyone else mildly excited about Tony Gwynn getting hired by TBS? Always liked Gwynn. Ripken? Growing up in the DC area, you had to like the Orioles and the Iron Man or fear being ostracized; naturally, we chose the latter.

Chicago 4, Cincinnati 1: We had a feeling Ted Lilly would have a strong year switching leagues. Struck out nine and allowed three hits in seven innings to grab the win. When the offense starts to cook, rowdy Cubs fans become fun to read. Truthfully, those guys are more fun when the Cubs are destitute and in the cellar.

Washington 7, Florida 6: So much for the Nationals being a Triple-A outfit – they’ve already got a win! Three runs in the ninth inning surprise Marlins. Really would have sucked to had Anibal Sanchez in fantasy. Dude had a win locked up.

Los Angeles 5, Milwaukee 4: Jason Schmidt didn’t look like a guy who was about to lose his arm, allowing three hits over five. The bullpen did its best to blow the game, but didn’t. So how much longer till Broxton gets the closer job? The Brew Crew will now have to settle for 161-1.

St. Louis 0, New York 10: How drunk do you think Tony LaRussa got last nght? Did he pull a Britney and shave his head? His Cards just got swept by the Mets, and could only muster one hit against John Fucking Maine. Beltran jacked two, and four of the Mets first five hitters are batting over .300. Calm down, Mets fans. It’s not even tax day.

Oakland 9, Seattle 0: Don’t know about you, but we find it extremely comical that anyone was counting on Miguel Batista to be a factor in the rotation. He’s dreadful.