The calendar doesn’t read April Fool’s Day, but we had to triple check just because this latest Michael Irvin quandary seems as if it were pulled from the a comedic script Johnny Knoxville is shopping in Hollywood:

Former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin is facing accusations he assaulted a disabled contractor who was hired to install a fountain at his Plano home.

Shawn Vandergrift filed a lawsuit Monday against Mr. Irvin in Denton County, claiming that the former player yelled at him and grabbed him during a December dispute over a final payment for the construction work.

The suit claims that Mr. Vandergrift is permanently disabled by a hip condition and that he required medical attention as a result of being grabbed on the left arm during the confrontation.

Say what you will about ESPN, but the network made a brilliant decision to not retain the Pipemaker for another season. You know who’s getting a jovial laugh out of this one? The man who coined the term ‘Pipemaker,’ Jason Whitlock. And that maniacal laugh you hear emitting from a mansion in Virginia? That’s Joe Theismann (assuming he still lives there) chuckling because he just leapfrogged Irvin in the race for the first decent NFL TV opening that becomes available.

Can someone grab Tom Jackson for a comment?

Michael Irvin Doesn’t Care About your Disability (Nation of Islam Sports Blog)
Irvin accused of assaulting contractor (Cowboys Plus)