Why are you looking at actor Alec Baldwin? Because Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher recently thumbed through Baldwin’s life story and just yanked a page out.

A story emerged over the weekend that Urlacher had a terrible lapse (or lapses) in judgment when he texted some awfully rude (accurate?) things to his wife. baby mama. (Also, Kissing Suzy Kolber has written about this, and you should probably check that out.)

Before you laugh or castrate Urlacher, this predicament gives us a peek into what happens when athletes sleep with strippers. So she’s hot and has epic breasts and can do some fantastic things with her … use your imagination. But when things don’t work out and she has the child … what then?

Is Urlacher right in saying she should get a job? As the above article points out, this exotic dancer once sued the Lord of the Dance, Michael Flately, for $35 million and had her case tossed out of court. Is she in it for the cash? None of this we know. But it’s fun to talk about – especially when Mariotti puts pen to paper!

If you look through the text messages Urlacher sent her, some of them are priceless. Specifically, ‘you got no pull in court’ and ‘FYI: Fuck You.’ He also calls her a skank. It’s great stuff.

As always, jackoff Jay Mariotti has something to say on the issue. He beats the ‘Urlacher needs to be a role model’ drum, which is simply asinine, since this ‘role model’ has already been married, divorced, had two other kids, and banged Paris Hilton in Vegas. He’s 29.

Oh, and the Bears are totally not returning to the Super Bowl. Just thought we’d put that out there.

War of Bad Words (Sun-Times)