olsengirls

Struggling to tell the Olsen twins apart? Labor no more! Now that the 21-year-old bulgy-eyed twins are both dating athletes, you should be in the clear.

Mary Kate (on the right with dark hair) and Sean Avery (27). Clealry, he’s a celebrity skirt-chaser. First it was Elisa Cuthbert, and now he’s traded down to the Olsen twin who was in rehab and is dangerously skinny. Also, Avery is quite possibly racist. According to multiple reports, in 2005, he confronted another hockey player in the parking lot after a game and dropped a slur (racial or ethnic, we’re not sure, and googling this stuff makes us angry).

Ashley (blonde on the left) and Lance Armstrong (36). We’ve already expressed our disdain for this couple, mostly on the gross factor. Lance has a slightly more accomplished sports background than Avery – he won the Tour de France seven times. Avery has beaten up other hockey players on the ice; Armstrong has beaten cancer. Even though Lance’s ex, Sheryl Crow, is approaching that age where all the sun and cigs catch up with her, we’re not ready to call this an upgrade.