Who Stole Rocket’s Flintstones Vitamins? Please Return Them So He Can Go Away
Baseball, Drugs, Mitchell Report January 4th. 2008, 11:12am
A show of hands for people who give half a shit what Roger Clemens says in his 60 Minutes interview? Anyone? McFly? He “swears” that he didn’t use steroids or whatever else his trainer said he did. One way or another, a lawsuit seems likely. All the Rocket needed to fuel up was a few Flintstones vitamins, Captain Crunch, B12, the occasional twix bar, and LIEdocaine. A Harvard med school professor had this to say about B12: “For someone like Roger Clemens, who certainly looks robust, the likelihood that he would be deficient in vitamin B12 is a stretch,” Groopman said, noting that he had not seen Clemens’s medical records. “It would have no physiological effect. It would only have a placebo effect.”
To recap: The Mitchell Report named dozens of players (over 70) who cheated using PEDs. Much of the information in the report was gleaned from two sources: a trainer, Brian McNamee, and a clubhouse attendant, Kirk Radomski. As best we can tell, only one player has stepped up to deny their accusations, and that player is Roger Clemens. Brian McNamee trained Clemens and Andy Pettitte. He said both cheated. Pettitte admitted to cheating. This is what is commonly referred to as fighting a losing battle.
Unrelated, because we have no other place to cram it in: Dane Cook does stand-up for seven hours, sets a record. Says an emailer: “If nobody laughs, does it count?” Somewhere, Bill Simmons stews.
Who Does Roger Clemens Think He’s Fooling? (Oriole Post)
26 Responses to “Who Stole Rocket’s Flintstones Vitamins? Please Return Them So He Can Go Away”
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January 4th, 2008 at 11:16 AM
And this bong is filled with tobacco, seriously officer…
January 4th, 2008 at 11:16 AM
Dane Cook for 7 hours!?!?!?
Kill me now, oh and Clemens is a liar.
January 4th, 2008 at 11:17 AM
pettitte admitting he was guilty, i believe opened the eyes of others who had questions about clemens
clemens is guilty and is thinking this 60 mins interview will help his public image, i think not, this will only make his problem bigger
i will watch it to see him lie through his teeth
January 4th, 2008 at 11:20 AM
The questionable grammar on the Bottom Line last night made me laugh.
“Roger Clemens denies using steroids during a 60 Minutes interview.”
I don’t care if he used him during the interview. Did he use him when he was with the Yankees?
January 4th, 2008 at 11:20 AM
LIEdocaine? For shame, TBL, for shame.
January 4th, 2008 at 11:22 AM
i never understood how roger had such a “legendary workout routine” yet remained such a fat fuck.
January 4th, 2008 at 11:23 AM
I’ve never seen Dane Cook do stand-up for five minutes (I have seen him writhe on the floor and tell/scream stupid stories with no point for a half hour on HBO before I couldn’t take any more)
My favorite line about him was “I guess one million MySpace users can be wrong”
January 4th, 2008 at 11:27 AM
jgp – that is one of the funniest message board replies of 2008!
January 4th, 2008 at 11:29 AM
Heard Salisbury say this morning that he took 4-5 B12 shots while in the NFL, must be hard work holding a clipboard.
Dane Cook for 7 hours??!! Did HE pay the audience to stay?
January 4th, 2008 at 11:35 AM
Who in the hell INJECTS B-12? You can get them in pill form over the counter. All they seemingly do is calm your nerves to hedge against panic attacks (or so I hear). So again, who in the hell injects B-12?
January 4th, 2008 at 11:37 AM
I thought “LIEdocaine” was to be injected into the joint where the pain was originating from, not directly into your ass. Well, unless of course Mr. Pettitte and Roger were more than just friends, then a “LIEdocaine” shot in the ass might be warranted.
January 4th, 2008 at 11:38 AM
Clemens is screwed. He is making it worse. If he just would shut the fuck up, people may have just let it go.
January 4th, 2008 at 11:41 AM
Couple Things: Dane does make me chuckle occasionally. The only comedians I’d sit and listen to for 7 hours would be Colbert, Carlin, and Pryor. Finally, no one is funny for 7 hours.
January 4th, 2008 at 11:43 AM
believe it or not, vitamin injections actually do a lot. i had a vitamin C IV, 75,000 mg and it felt like i was a new person.
January 4th, 2008 at 11:47 AM
Its a shame Clemens didn’t learn anything from Pete Rose.
January 4th, 2008 at 1:32 PM
If one person stays for seven hours, is that considered an “audience”? Dane Cook was funny [albeit only slightly] before he sold his soul to Joe Simpson and started making terrible romantic comedies.
Oh, about Clemens . . . Raffy Palmeiro called. He’s behind you on this B12 thing. All the way behind. With the syringe. Swabbing your butt checks for the real stuff. *wink wink*
January 4th, 2008 at 1:33 PM
Or from Barry Bonds.
Clemens ought to take the hint, retire and go the hell away. Find whatever dark hole Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa’s English skills fell in and dive in as well.
The funny thing will be he and McNamee will play this game of Lawsuit Chicken and then BOTH will end up in front of Congress, subpoenaed out the rear and having to stand by their BS stories or be crushed.
January 4th, 2008 at 1:38 PM
Did y’all forget about David Justice? Sure he’s a former player, but he did deny using.
Just a word of advice to Mr. Clemens: If you’re going to fight these accusations in the court of public opinion, please don’t use the “Rafael Palmeiro Excuse.”
January 4th, 2008 at 2:18 PM
B-12 injections actually are quite beneficial and realistic for an athlete. It does seem to be the common cop-out for the accused though. I know nothing about lidocaine other than Cowturd saying today that it’s a localized pain reliever, meaning it would numb Clemens’ butt if that was the injection site.
January 4th, 2008 at 2:35 PM
Maybe he just likes to not feel the pain when Andy was riding during “workouts.” You know because obviously Roger is a bottom bear.
January 4th, 2008 at 2:39 PM
I could not give one rats ass what the lying fuck has to say. Screw him! All the 2003 Marlins who showed class in clapping for this cheaters supposed final game should give him the collective finger.
I want to see Bud Selig melt down all the Cy Young awards and championship rings on pay-per-view.
January 4th, 2008 at 2:42 PM
First off, I think Dane Cook is hilarious.
Second, didn’t Roger say on his website’s video that he was never injected with “HGH, Steroids, Viagra, or anything else.” I’m paraphrasing, but I know he said the Viagra thing, as if to say that he has never been injected with anything. Now he says “oh yeah, there was B-12 and Lidocaine…but nothing else. Not even Viagra!”
January 4th, 2008 at 2:48 PM
It’s funny, Roger keeps saying he never injected himself with a banned substance. During that time period in question, these substances weren’t banned. It’s a play on words people, he’s skating around lying. I doubt he’d call Macnamee a liar since that would also make him possibly lie about it.
January 4th, 2008 at 2:51 PM
ATL:
Good Call. I think you are right. but I am too lazy to research this.
by the way, why get injected with Lidocaine when the Lidocaine patch is readily available and used by EVERYONE with even a MINOR injury to a body part below the neck ?
January 4th, 2008 at 4:20 PM
To paraphrase irishmafia from earlier in the week, I would rather F Lisa Lampanelli than listen to Dane Cook for seven hours.
January 5th, 2008 at 12:52 AM
In case the Leaders missed it, this tidbit from a Gammons chat over on Boston.com was interesting:
“What people with the Yankees will never understand is why Clemens brought McNamee to the Yankees from Toronto in the first place. In 2000, when Roger had hamstring problems early in the season, he convinced the club to allow him to bring McNamee on board because McNamee had worked with him and knew his body.”
Link
Put differently, is it harder to find a trainer in NYC that knows your body, or one that will keep your secrets?