Nobody wants it. Marty Chokenheimer laughed in the Dirty Bird’s face! The taint of Mike Vick lingers. Clueless Arthur won’t be looking at college coaches after getting burned by Pat Forde’s buddy, Bobby Petrino. The coach in question must work well with a fanbase (and players, apparently) that excels in apathy, indifference, and every other adjective you can think of that conveys “passivity.”

Legit options at this point: Anyone who has ever spent more than eight minutes conversing with Bill Belichick, Larry the Cable guy, Linday Lohan’s coke dealer, DeAngelo Hall’s butler, Mean Gene Okerlund, Bruce Coslet, and Newman (who was a sturdy left guard in his day).

Not even we would wish this mess on Darren McFadden.