Billy Donovan Sheds Tears, Yearns for JG Wentworth (*updated*)
College Basketball, Drugs February 16th. 2008, 1:56pm
Sometimes these stories write themselves. Billy Donovan is in a dire financial situation because he doesn’ t know how to properly buy a home. Â ÂÂ
‘It seemed like a great offer at the time — the interest was so low! But then about six months ago, the ARM kicked in, and now my payments are out of control,’ a tearful Donovan told an SSNN reporter in January.
Donovan, who earns an average annual salary of $1.7 million per year, said that while he hates relying on the government for a bailout, it is really the only option he has at this point. By his estimates, the place will end up costing him $30 million after all is said and done.
Donovan’s accountant Ronald Silberstein confirmed the coach’s predicament, adding that it is never a good idea to buy a $6 million piece of property on a 40-year term with no money down–no matter how many staircases the house has.
This is like a how-(not)to infomercial, only the main character is a well known basketball coach who looks like Timothy Bryce from American Psycho.
Celebrities Not Immune to the Real Estate Crisis [HomeGuide 123]
 EDIT: the story is fake. It’s all satire.
16 Responses to “Billy Donovan Sheds Tears, Yearns for JG Wentworth (*updated*)”
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February 16th, 2008 at 2:04 PM
The use of the word “tearful” seems hyperbole at best.
I doubt highly Donovan cries over anything other than family and, maybe, sometimes, basketball; he’s a renowned hardass.
February 16th, 2008 at 2:07 PM
Simple mathematics must not be his strong suit.
February 16th, 2008 at 2:09 PM
cries for Donovon
as I wipe the tears with tissues from the dollar store.
February 16th, 2008 at 2:10 PM
You’ve got to be shitting me.
February 16th, 2008 at 2:10 PM
FIRE your accountant. This crap pisses me off. My clients are struggling to make payments on 100k homes, but this jackoff bites off a 6mil home? And wants the gov to come to the rescue. The govt could help 60 people in my community, or this douche? Great, now I have to drink.
February 16th, 2008 at 2:11 PM
You’ve got to be shitting onme.
/fixed
/Society of Pittsburgh Steamers.
February 16th, 2008 at 2:12 PM
Idiot.
‘Your welcome’ in advance from me, Billy, for being one of the practical people of this world; all of us will end up sharing in the cost of this kind of idiocy, one way or another.
Idiot.
I assume you have (had) a prepayment fee of some sort buil into your mortgage? What dumb-ass in a nomadic profession does that?
Idiot.
Tell you what Billy, I’ll give you $900K for your place. Deal?
Idiot.
February 16th, 2008 at 2:40 PM
Good Lord. What continues to amaze me is how many of these athletes/coaches are just so out of touch with the regular joe schmoe that pays their checks/comes to watch them play or coach. And strangely enough, a lot of them seem to come from humble backgrounds, yet they quickly forget where they come from. Almost 2 mil a year, and it’s a hardship to make a payment? Maybe his wife oughta get a job working at McDonald’s to help make the fucking house payments.
February 16th, 2008 at 2:51 PM
Latrell Sprewell on line #2 for you, coach.
February 16th, 2008 at 3:44 PM
fact is if he had put enough money down he would have had the same rate on a 30 year fixed mortgage. I’m sure he could have afforded it. Moron.
February 16th, 2008 at 4:28 PM
Please tell me someone making this much cannot qualify for government aid. I don’t care if it’s true, just please somebody tell me that.
February 16th, 2008 at 5:15 PM
Cleveland Cavalier fans wish the Mike Bibby to the Hawks(?) deal is a fake, too.
February 16th, 2008 at 6:25 PM
Damn. Had a hunch it was fake, but it was too funny not to pass on to Imig. This one’s on me, folks
February 16th, 2008 at 7:29 PM
Not sure if TBL is a douche for doing this or Imig is an idiot. I guess it is funny in the end.
I wondered what the hell “SSNN” was when reading the post. It stands for ’serious sports news network’, which is anything but serious. Very saterical stuff.
http://www.serioussportsnewsnetwork.com/2008/01/donovan-stuck-with-subprime-mortgage.html
February 16th, 2008 at 9:12 PM
CC – That one’s totally on me. What threw me off was that Sprewell was on the link. THe website was legit .. but that SSNN thing i did not catch.
February 17th, 2008 at 8:52 AM
TBL – the wife wans to talk to you about why I was drunk and pissed off when she came home yesterday evening. Sampson fired, and now this. Don’t fail me again.