Hero: Terrell Brandon Foils Extortion Attempt
Courts, Legal, NBA February 25th. 2008, 2:49pm
Bobby Hayes, a degenerate, left this note in the mail for the 65-year-old mother (via KVAL) of former NFL cornerback Anthony Newman: “U don’t know me, but I know U. I want 10K in cash in a black bag set next to your garage door Friday night. If you tell the police and try to be a hero you will be responsible for the murder of your whole family.”
Clearly, a failsafe plan. Much more brilliant than the plot to Inside Man. Except that former NBA point guard Terrell Brandon decided to play hero. He placed a crisp one dollar bill in the bag with a bunch of scrap paper, and then lay in wait. Hayes grabbed the bag, was dismayed at the “trick” and then, a short time later, was arrested by police. A neighbor called the cops upon hearing Hayes muttering F bombs in the street.
Because Hayes posted bail, Brandon should totally get some bodyguards for his family, STAT. And since many NBA players are hurting for funds shortly after leaving the league, we recommend the following beef as protection: Tree Rollins, Alton Lister, Mark Eaton, Michael Cage, John “Hot Plate” Williams and Benoit Benjamin.
Do Not Extort Terrell Brandon (You Been Blinded)
24 Responses to “Hero: Terrell Brandon Foils Extortion Attempt”
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February 25th, 2008 at 2:50 PM
Don’t forget Charles Oakley
February 25th, 2008 at 2:51 PM
I remember getting that SI in the mail and being like what the f are they talking about?
February 25th, 2008 at 2:52 PM
this sounds like the Big Lebowski
February 25th, 2008 at 2:52 PM
When was Terell Brandon the best pg in the NBA, and why wasn’t I in the league then?
February 25th, 2008 at 2:52 PM
Why hire all those guys when Charles Oakley is seeking employment?
Like the Tree Rollins reference. Had an apple tree dangling near my driveway hoop when I was a kid. We always referred to it as Tree Rollins.
February 25th, 2008 at 2:52 PM
Dammit Roeth. I finally thought of something funny, and you typed it first.
February 25th, 2008 at 2:53 PM
Shit, Rothlispizza beat me to it.
Prick!
February 25th, 2008 at 2:57 PM
how long before this turns into south american soccer (or central american baseball) and athletes’ relatives start getting kidnapped?
February 25th, 2008 at 3:01 PM
Maybe he should get Uggie Urbina for help. People kidnapped a member of his family, so he burned them with gasoline.
February 25th, 2008 at 3:04 PM
He may not have ever been the best PG in the NBA but he is the best hero to be named the best PG ever.
February 25th, 2008 at 3:07 PM
It is a wonder TB’s Ankle held up long enough to pull this off.
February 25th, 2008 at 3:07 PM
My favorite part is that he included a $1 bill. Could have just been a bag full of scrap paper, but he threw in the single just to twist the knife a little. Brilliant.
February 25th, 2008 at 3:09 PM
Indeed, Jack. The $1 surely sent this imbecile over the edge.
February 25th, 2008 at 3:13 PM
Oak is too busy being MJ’s body guard, playing cards/dice and choking out some ho’s
February 25th, 2008 at 3:25 PM
How ’bout Chuck Nevitt, he has the looks of a secret service agent and the size of Manute bol.
February 25th, 2008 at 3:27 PM
George Muresan, Darko, Shawn Bradley, Two Other tall white guys whos names I cant come up with.
Sure, he would stick out, but the hilarity of his bodyguard 5-some would distract his would-be killer and he could get away.
February 25th, 2008 at 3:28 PM
Duane Schintzus would whoop the crap out of Oak by busting out the ole’ mullet smack!!
February 25th, 2008 at 3:28 PM
orrr Arvydas Sabonis, size 16 yes 16 head, could take a couple of bullets for you. Plus the obvious Russian Mafia ties.
February 25th, 2008 at 3:34 PM
Does anyone else see the irony of Terrell Brandon foiling a robbery attemp consideing all the money he stole from the MN Timberwolves over the years?
February 25th, 2008 at 3:39 PM
Stephon Marbury foils robbery attempts on a regular basis. Often by just walking away.
February 25th, 2008 at 3:39 PM
+1 Groin.
February 25th, 2008 at 4:15 PM
the best part is this degenerate put the letters in the mail, which allows postal inspectors to get involved. hello federal prison!
February 25th, 2008 at 4:19 PM
Nice one groin…will you be here all week?
February 25th, 2008 at 4:31 PM
Yes, here all week. Please try the veal and remember to tip the wait staff.