Ozzie Guillen Wishes He Had a Daughter for Jeter
Baseball April 24th. 2008, 12:15pm
Yup, really. “Derek Jeter has everything in his life,” Guillen gushed Wednesday. “He’s got money, he’s got rings … He’s not married,” he continued. “He lives in New York. At the All-Star Game, I looked around to see if he’s got anything I don’t like. Whoa. The perfect man. Too bad I don’t have a daughter.”
We’re certain Jeter would leap into the stands face-first at the chance to marry Ozzie’s imaginary daughter. Let’s see … Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Jordana Brewster, Miss Universe, Mariah Carey in her prime … Ozzie Guillen’s daughter. For some reason, it doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.
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71 Responses to “Ozzie Guillen Wishes He Had a Daughter for Jeter”
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April 24th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
doesn’t he have herpes too?
April 24th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
If you’re in the commenter draft, how about checking your *$@!* email?
/knew this would be a disaster
//hates when people commit and then space
///throwing things in anger
April 24th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
@TBL: I’m here and around. If the Packers guy is spacing or if you need someone to slide in up top, I can do so.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
This is akin to TBL’s man crush on Tom Brady.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
I, for one, am shocked the commenter draft might be a cluster of colossal proportions.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
whos the chick in that photo?
yea, if you need picks, shoot me an email, i can rattle off a pick and a sentence super fast.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
@TBL, should have sent invites instead of letting peep sign up.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Is he autographing a prescription for Valtrex?
April 24th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
TBL, I can pick too, considering I got screwed with the Phins …
April 24th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Sounds like someone is getting ready to break out the guns of justice.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Throw me a pick as well if needed.
And yes, who is that with Jeter in that picture?
April 24th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
If Ozzie really had a daughter, he wouldn’t have said those things. That’s like saying, “I wish my daughter would fuck a guy like Derek Jeter”.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
And he can make fun of himself too, after all he’s the one that said about himself on SNL “he looks like the Rock had sex with a Muppet.”
And he does look like the Rock had sex with a Muppet.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
It’s marko jaric’s girlfriend. what’s her name
April 24th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Ozzie wants his daughter to get with a guy who most sports fans know has herpes? what a great dad.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
adrianna lima…i knew she looked familiar.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
isn’t that Jaric’s girl? a victoria’s secret girl nonetheless. is it just me or does derek jeter have a huge forehead? it’s all i see when i look at him.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Vikes fan here is you need to have someone……oh wait
never mind
April 24th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Hernia, nice pic on your blog. I’m gonna have nightmares now.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
If no one picks for the bucs, just try to find someone who has at least one DUI. They got rid of Stevens, Cato’s got dismissed, and missed out on Jared Allen. They need to keep up their quota.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Throw some facial hair on that guy and he could be the fifth member of Color Me Badd.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
jeter has a fivehead.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
@Gonzo:
He looks like he’s at the end of a dirty Vegas binge.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
GMail was not working for me for a good part of the morning. That is probably not helping the commenter draft situation.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I’ll take the Bears if what’s his nuts is spacing
April 24th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
what’s a fivehead
/ignorant?
April 24th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
a FOREhead + 1.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
what’s a fivehead
It’s a larger than normal FOREhead.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
hey diesel, i am what’s-his-nuts and i am still waiting. well under control on my end. i even got up before 7 am PST to check on this draft. i guess i had more faith in the people involved (of course not talking to you TBL)
April 24th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
wow i’m dumb. thank you spencer…and gonzo
April 24th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Lima is in her own league, she should run for President.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Now that is one dedicated commenter!
April 24th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
check out Le Batard enjoying is sabbatical, got this from deadspin
http://miami.napkinnights.com/pics/view_image.php?id=314799
April 24th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
i’m picking for the bucs and i’m ready. what are we supposed to say in the “one witty sentence?” Why we picked him or does TBL want a joke or something? The witty party is throwing me off because i thought we were supposed to be taking this seriously.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Damn, work in a salad occasionally, LeBatard.
/I have room to talk.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I’d be her Monica Lewinsky
April 24th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
You’d let he stick a stogie up your urethra?
April 24th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
That I would not do. Pretty much anything else with her however I’d have to at least think about it.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
How exactly and why does everyone think Jeter has herpes?
April 24th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
LeBetard is one hairy person. and he looks really drunk in that picture. good for him.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
id let lima hook my nipples up to a car battery.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Thank you for noticing Mike. I am sure there was no sarcasm in that comment.
And is that a Providence Friar? If so, is it embarrassing for you that Obama’s brother-in-law chose my Beavs (0-18 in Pac Ten play, first team in conference history to do so) over your Friars.
/disregard if i simply have poor eyesight.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
The skating Friar is one of the best college hockey logos of all time.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
If Jeter is a fivehead, Tim Duncan is a Three-head
April 24th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
how has no one told Jeter that weak ass fade haircut went out decades ago?
April 24th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
If I could come back as one person in another life, it would be Derek Jeter. Riches, playing for the greatest baseball franchise of all time, getting the sweetest of tail, living in NYC…what more could a dude want?
April 24th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Peyton Manning’s forehead trumps all.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
@big nuts: to play for the dodgers
April 24th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Benjii, make it funny. Intelligent logic is not welcome here.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
what more could a dude want?
his personal info not to have been posted on the big lead
April 24th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
@beaverbeliever:
Dodgers? King of New York trumps that easily.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
A shot of penicillin.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
@hernia: NYC is sick. No argument there. I guess i am just a bigger fan of the warm weather. Oh, and a shameless dodger fan. That too.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
less herpes?
April 24th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
@TBL: I thought you were going to post picks every few minutes, a la a real draft?
Let’s get this party started, so I can rip the guy who took D-Mac.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
I think he’s kicking this off at 4 ET.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Nick…can i rip you for your pick? RRRREEEEEEAAAAACCCCCHHHHHHH…
April 24th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Even if D-Mac goes 17th, does he still get ripped?
April 24th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Embarrassed? Our team is horrible. And it’s in Rhode Island. Who can blame the kid?
April 24th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
@TBL – You can shoot me the Browns mid first round pick that Savage is going to trade Anderson for.
/Brady Quinn
April 24th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
benji – too funny. some Magic fans just get a little too excited….I hear that Derek Jeter wishes he could be Irish if granted another life…
April 24th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Big Nuts still talking about me. When are you going to learn? what no writing this afteroon about Rider or Lehigh soccer teams
April 24th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
haha. irish, where have you been all day? i’m guessing you’ve been busy in the epic 400+ comment Ballin’ today.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
hell yeah Benji. I saw Big Nuts had something to say as always. He must of forgot i own a boat in his name
April 24th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
This is why I will remain anonymous.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
cmon Hef. You give three letters of your last name in your nickname. thats all i know because im psychic
April 24th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
My last name is Leibowitz. Oh shit…
April 24th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Alexandra Ambrosio >>>> Adrianna Lima
April 24th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
For some reason, I thought it was Goldbergstein
April 24th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Please Jeter is a walking STD and he still sports a flattop.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Hef, you’re not related to Fawn Leibowitz, are you?