Yup, really. “Derek Jeter has everything in his life,” Guillen gushed Wednesday. “He’s got money, he’s got rings … He’s not married,” he continued. “He lives in New York. At the All-Star Game, I looked around to see if he’s got anything I don’t like. Whoa. The perfect man. Too bad I don’t have a daughter.”

We’re certain Jeter would leap into the stands face-first at the chance to marry Ozzie’s imaginary daughter. Let’s see … Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Jordana Brewster, Miss Universe, Mariah Carey in her prime … Ozzie Guillen’s daughter. For some reason, it doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

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