Yardwork: Crooked Numbers
Baseball May 1st. 2008, 10:00am
Pirates 13, Mets 1: Sloth Gorzelanny walked five Mets in five innings but refrained from giving up a run and Xavier Nady and Nate McLouth contributed three RBI. The Mets left 10 on base, including Willie Randolph’s job (Boo-Yah). Okay; it’s not THAT bad.
Rays 8, Orioles 1: Three Rays had two RBI and starter Andy Sonnanstine notched win #4. It’s the latest the Rays have ever been three games over .500, and their 14-12 April is the best in club history.
Cubs 19, Brewers 5: Geovanny Soto hit two johnsons with six RBI. Fact: Right now, the Brewers have poor pitching and poor defense. Only question remaining is: When will Ben Sheets hit the DL?
Dodgers 13, Marlins 1: The Dodgers have won five in a row and R. Furcal had a career-high five hits. He finished April with 17 extra base-hits, the most by a Dodger since the club moved to Los Angeles in 1958.
Rangers 11, Royals 9: Good thing they traded him: Josh Hamilton finished off April with a grand slam, taking him to .330, six homers, 32 RBI and 16 runs. What the hell was Wayne Krivsky thinking? Oh, right; this is what he was thinking.
105 Responses to “Yardwork: Crooked Numbers”
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May 1st, 2008 at 10:06 AM
What if, and this is purely “hyp-o-thetical,” what if the Rays had held on to Hamilton? An outfield of Upton, Crawford and Hamilton. How would that look to ya?
*actually the Cubs had his rights in the Rule 5 draft before trading it to the Reds. Another left-handed power hitter in the Cubs lineup? The possibilities are mind numbing.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:07 AM
Pirates and Rays wins leading off Yardwork. Consider me stunned
May 1st, 2008 at 10:08 AM
C’mon O’s! Get back on track…ah, fuck it. Back to Earth we come.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:08 AM
I cannot believe the Rays are considering sending Sonnanstine down when Kazmir comes back this weekend.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:08 AM
IS not Ben Sheets already on the DL?
May 1st, 2008 at 10:09 AM
is rocco baldelli still ‘tired?’
May 1st, 2008 at 10:11 AM
Probably. This has nothing to do with Yardwork, but my roommate just got arrested at 10am. What the hell man? The day is all downhill from here.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:13 AM
Rocco is such a bust. Go, be gone. I am just happy the Rays are being competitive..Go Rays!
May 1st, 2008 at 10:16 AM
sheets, not on the DL. Baldelli is pretty much taking the dirt nap at this point.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:16 AM
ZBuck, what he do?
May 1st, 2008 at 10:18 AM
cliff lee is the truth! if only the indians can get some consistent offense going
May 1st, 2008 at 10:20 AM
Yea, sending down Sonnanstine is stupid, but remember these were the same guys that didn’t want Longoria up for the start of the season..
May 1st, 2008 at 10:23 AM
mmonast…if only fuckin hafner wasn’t hittin .220. come on pronk, wake the fuck up. the starting pitching for the tribe has been fuckin awesome (CC is even coming around) but the closer and offense is fucking up a great team.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:26 AM
i know thats the frustrating part with hafner…last yr i can see but to be so completely lost at the plate for 2 season now..
the tribe have wasted so many good starts for there starters this season
May 1st, 2008 at 10:29 AM
Cliff Lee’s ERA is almost over 1.00. Almost.
The team is a mess though. Carmona has a 1:2 K:BB ratio. No, I did not write that backwards. Victor has turned into a fucking singles hitter. And the old Pronk isn’t coming back.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:35 AM
fire wedge?
May 1st, 2008 at 10:36 AM
That whole division is up in the air right now. I hope it stays this close all year.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:36 AM
Nothing, our crazy druggy landlady claimed he punched her in the face. Which he didn’t. She’s insane. She got a black eye from God knows what, but he gets arrested cuz she said he did it. What bullshit. He wasn’t even in the house. It’s been a weird day.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:37 AM
Is anyone else getting the “Congratulations, you’ve been selected to recieve an Apple Ipod” every time they refresh? How can i make this stop?
May 1st, 2008 at 10:37 AM
Another one? Who’s the first one?
May 1st, 2008 at 10:39 AM
And the kicker is, he called the cops on her cuz she locked him out of his room. I found it so traumatizing that I’m not going to class today.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:39 AM
Manager is meaningless.
/Fan of a team ran by Dusty Baker
May 1st, 2008 at 10:41 AM
How long before Cueto’s arm falls off? I give it 3 months.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:42 AM
i know Nick…seems that anything bad that happens to the tribe its his fault
May 1st, 2008 at 10:42 AM
@ Nick. That’s hilarious.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:46 AM
wedge needs to grow the mustache back.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:47 AM
Another one? Who’s the first one?
May 1st, 2008 at 10:48 AM
ZBuck, I don’t know what area y’all live in, but most areas are pretty good about standing up for tenants against landlords. If she’s locking you out and doing crazy shit, you might be able to live rent free.
May 1st, 2008 at 10:51 AM
Oliver Perez…it’s not a name it’s an enigma…he has the attention span of a gnat…he has great stuff but can’t remember what arm slot he uses to be effective…I am all for putting an iPod on him with Rick Peterson’s voice just repeating to Oliver…3 quarters…3 quarters…Oliver don’t sidearm…Oliver don’t throw over the top…3 quarters…3 quarters…He his the biggest moral killer this team has had since Steve Trashcan took 14 minutes between every pitch…but when the guy is on he is amazing…and for some reason known only to the bseball gods..he led the league in unearned runs last year and is going to do it again…it’s like he hypnotizes Jose Reyes in to booting groundballs and throwing the ball all over the place…it truly is amazing…I can’t get over it…I am not going to even get into the team quitting and Blowsa with another 5 run performance…I am throwing yesterday out..only because I am conviced that Momento Perez forgot he played baseball yesterday
May 1st, 2008 at 11:10 AM
Yeah, they let him go with a $10 fine after we explained everything to the cops. But he’s graduating, and me and the other guys are just gonna move to some new townhouse or something that just was finished. Fuck dealing with this. If nothing else, we should be able to get free summer storage of our shit out of these shenanigans.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:11 AM
wow…I love college towns..$10 fine…and I bet in some way you thought that was a lot of money…shit I miss putting quarters on the Bar…
May 1st, 2008 at 11:15 AM
Why in God’s name is Sonnanstine being sent down? Who’s running the Rays, Isiah Thomas?
May 1st, 2008 at 11:16 AM
Yeah, he was kinda still pissed. I got fined $200 when I got arrested in July, so was happy as hell for him. Last night was 50cent drafts at The Pub, come on down to Kutztown to relive the college years.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:17 AM
I was just told (I haven’t been surfing the net today) Mike Hampton left his rehab start hurt again…really…this is like God’s little joke and I am laughing all the way..
May 1st, 2008 at 11:21 AM
zbuck, we were out drinking after softball last night, and i suggested that my friends and i all go back to college. those are the days man. make them last. and whatever you do, don’t get married for a long time. and pass that on to your friends.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:30 AM
Well put benji, my stupid friends are all falling into the marriage trap pretty quickly.
You guys see the news about Smoltz? Heading back to the bullpen.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:31 AM
zbuck…I give a totally agree with benji…marriage and kids are cool in their way..but do everything you can right now…fun shit..dumb shit..road trips..anything. Even right after college in the “Real World” and you start making what you think is money but is truly shit…go away on vacations..go see your team play in a cool city…and fuck everything you can…because when a good Friday night becomes..watching an OnDemand movie and going to bed at 11 with no possiblity for nookie between tired wife and cranky kid..you will miss those days big time.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:31 AM
Many thanks for the advice benji. The guys I work with say the same things, thus I’m going five years plus whatever writing programs for grad school. And heeding all advice, waiting for marriage until at lesat 30.
Speaking of marriage, one of my former teammates is getting married in November. He’s 20. Dumbass.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:32 AM
zbuck..you’ll get him back after his divorce at 22..so you have that to look forward too.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:35 AM
Man Roman, I’m never gettin’ married.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:36 AM
Benji, I sorta agree. After a pick-up game last night, with my boy The Mailman, I suggested we go back to high school. That’s what we love about these high school girls, man. We keep getting older, they stay the same age.
/ The Rocket
May 1st, 2008 at 11:36 AM
True. He just better have an open bar at his wedding reception so our whole team can embarass him.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:37 AM
Bravo, nomo. Bravo.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:38 AM
zbuck…truthfully it’s not that bad because at 30 your idea of a good time changes a bit(not much and really you want to do crazy shit) but for your friend..we all know the guy who got married at 20 and it doesn’t work really..either he is totally pussy whipped, afraid that he can’t get anyone else which is toatl shit or she is pregnant so the reasons for Marriage at 20 are not true love feelings…its all shit
May 1st, 2008 at 11:42 AM
Yeah, well she owns him. She heard him curse while we watched the Super Bowl, and made him apologize. We let him hear it bigtime for that, she did approve hahaha.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:43 AM
He’s getting Married in November? He is divorced by July
May 1st, 2008 at 11:47 AM
We all hope. Being all distance runners, we’re all roughly 6′ 150 lbs, and she outweighs our top 3 runners, I’m pretty sure. So sad, yet so hilarious. He hasn’t been able to make fun of any of us the whole year, cuz we just point out his utter stupidity.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:49 AM
I made one decision though, every guy at my wedding will know the dance to Thriller. It was a drunken oath my buddy and I made. I’m excited for that, and only that, in 10 years.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:51 AM
i’m only 23 and my 2 best friends have gotten married. they are both “happy” but not as happy as before. they’ve both been together with their wives for 7+ years. its real fucked up cuz the one dude has only banged one chick in his life. Crazy. the point is, when they had girlfriends, everything was cool. but now they’re married, they think they have to do married people things like stay in on fridays and hang out with old couples from their jobs or their married siblings. they both proposed right out of college because they thought “it was about time.” people got their whole lives for that shit. just live a little bit first is all i’m saying.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:51 AM
Zbuck, one pic of that dude (team photo would work) + sportsgal’s myspace photo + photoshop = this wedding ain’t gonna happen
/ no charge, says the divorced dude
May 1st, 2008 at 11:53 AM
If you invinte nothing but tiny lizards, I think it’s doable.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:53 AM
nomo, +1 for the rocket comment and +1 more for the photoshopping
May 1st, 2008 at 11:53 AM
invinte is latin for “invite”. i was showing off.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:56 AM
See, that’s what I said. You’re basically giving up on you’re entire 20s! All the irresponsible shit we’re supposed to be doing, like horrible one night stands that you might need to seek medical help after, spending more cash than you have to go see a sporting event, getting tossed out of bars, that kind of shit. Why would you voluntarily give that up???
May 1st, 2008 at 11:57 AM
As long as the lizards done eat all the pigs in blankets, it’s a go.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:58 AM
another thing i hate is they always try and hook me up with their single female friends like i need to be married and miserable like them. on the rare occation they are hot, we just hook up and go our separate ways. then i have to hear, what happened with so and so. um, she wasn’t stupid and trying to get married and attached at a young age. that’s what happened.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:01 PM
exactly zbuck. irresponsible shit = great times. on the rare occasion that the married guy can come out to get drunk, he usually gets out of control drunk cuz he’s happy to get away from the wife combined with the low tolerance. married guy can be no fun sometimes.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:02 PM
God, please let my married friends wives have hot friends.
Side note, The Prime Gig is on IFC, and the chick in this is wicked hot. Impressive.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:03 PM
here..I have an offer…I have a buddy that will fuck anything and he is real smooth…we will make a trip down to Kutztown so I can play Beiruit and he will twist out the chick making it easy for your friend to dump fatty…and benji..didn’t you have a buddy who wants you to do the Soulja Boy at the wedding…you are having some lame ass friends…tell your 23 year old buddies to fucking live a little..bring the chicks and have them have sex in public bathrooms..act awesome..I am 30..I am married with a kid…the first year of my relationship I was 25…I banged everything…then it was time to “settle down” so we hung out a lot..went out and banged eveywhere in NYC..in year 3 we got married…the first year was good same as year 2..in year 4 she got pregnant and we did that whole thing plus I had a DD for 9 monhts…now with the kid..the kid is awesome..things have changed a bit…but My wife is looking forward to the summer…we already have two concert night outs..and I think a drunk sex fest in August for our anniversay…my wife is cool…but things change…after 30 it is a little more accepetable (you do get tired at night..weird)but we are old compared to you guys and we make a point of being awesome…there is a time and a place for couples night…its called the swingers club (no I haven’t gotten that going yet)
May 1st, 2008 at 12:04 PM
Are we a bunch of pussies or what? The one day I sleep in and we’re planning each others’ weddings. Jesus Fucking Christ. You bitches are on notice. How has nobody mentioned that Micah Owings (the fucking pitcher) hit a pinch hit two run homer yesterday? Oh yeah, we were too busy talking about bras and maids of honor and flower selection.
My wife is staring at me right now because I’m typing so loud.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:04 PM
what is the Prime Gig? Worth netflixing?
May 1st, 2008 at 12:04 PM
Damn you, married guy. Damn you and your weaksauce tolerance. He’s already at that stage, ahhhhhh hahahahaha. What a moron. I love it.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:05 PM
Someone go get me a cup of coffee so that I can regain my usually sunny disposition. ZBuck, you’re the new guy. Send it over.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:05 PM
What the hell happened in here?
May 1st, 2008 at 12:07 PM
ZBuck, this isn’t TBL After Hours. This is regular hours. During business hours we bust each other’s balls and talk about sports. That’s 1. Don’t make get to 3.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:07 PM
Righto, I’ll FedEx that shit right away.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:07 PM
Wednesday day baseball happened in here Fetch..it leads to 20 year old marriages to fat girls
May 1st, 2008 at 12:08 PM
Hef..you are bitter when you are sleepy
May 1st, 2008 at 12:09 PM
And Roman, I accept that offer for my friend’s sake.
On a baseball note, how the fuck are the Phillies tied with the Mets? Rollins is out, Victorino was on the DL until Tuesday, and Howard is fucking over my fantasy team hardcore. What is going on?
And Micah Owings is the troof.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:09 PM
Soooo, Hef. You’re telling me that dancin’ gheckos wouldn’t be the bees knees at ZBuck’s wedding? You, sir, either have no heart or are a liar. I just have to hope you’re lying.
[obligatory dick joke]
May 1st, 2008 at 12:09 PM
And The Prime Gig is mediocre at best. The chick is hot, that’s ’bout it.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:10 PM
Nomo: My 9 month old son decided to have what I can only guess are night terrors last night. Every half hour he woke up and started screaming. Then we would see WTF was up and he would smile at us. I hate kids more than anything.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:10 PM
zbuck..it’s not like the Philles are 20-10 or something…they both suck and the Mets are missing Alou, Schnieder, Pedro, Delgado’s Heart, Oliver Perez’s brain and Aaron Vielman’s courage
May 1st, 2008 at 12:11 PM
Oh yeah, instead of saying dick joke, I will write one. Be right back.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:11 PM
Dancin’ gheckos with iced grills, no less.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:11 PM
RWH, my head is racked from all those elipsis. lunch can’t come soon enough.
hef, that home run was sweet shit. as a brewers fan, i’m trying not to think about baseball after that shit fest at Miller Park South last night.
as far as the bashing married dudes, i was just throwing a little post college wisdom to my little homey ZBuckner.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:12 PM
You’re right Roman. I just get conned into thinking they’re better than they actually are. Product of the Philly area. Doesn’t really matter for either team most likely, the D’Backs look unbeatable.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:13 PM
Hef…My 3 month old did that shit at 5 this morning (which is more annoying than 2 because I only have an hour and change left to sleep) so I made the bottle, changed her, and went to feed her…she didn’t want the bottle…played for 3 minutes and passed out…fucking kids
May 1st, 2008 at 12:13 PM
I need all the post college wisdom I can get, given the lack of wisdom I have in college.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:14 PM
These two guys have been fishing for a few hours and they haven’t had so much as a nibble. I’m saying nothing has even grazed their line for three hours. So the first guy says, “I’m bored. Let’s play 20 questions. You think of something and I’ll try to figure out what it is.” So the second guys says why not and for some reason, the first thing that pops into his head is a horse cock. He giggles and tells the other guy he’s ready. So the first guy says, “My first question is…is it edible.” The second guy starts laughing and says, “I guess so.” And the first guy says, “Okay…is it a horsecock?”
May 1st, 2008 at 12:14 PM
This thread has made me never want to get married or have kids. Not that I was psyched about it in the first place.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:14 PM
Hef, do what I did with my kids. Put them in a house with their mom, collect her alimony checks, spend all free time with virtual friends, down liberal portions of Johnny Walker Blue, cry self to sleep. Rinse and repeat.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:15 PM
Nomo: that sounds glorious. I’m calling my lawyer right now.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:15 PM
Johnny Walker Blue? Classy!
May 1st, 2008 at 12:16 PM
Dick joke.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:16 PM
You’re letting Buzz Bissinger win.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:17 PM
What, are you george bush now?
May 1st, 2008 at 12:18 PM
Who?
May 1st, 2008 at 12:18 PM
Buzz Bissinger spoke at my high school about Friday Night Lights and how the town basically wants him dead (his son went to my high school), and he seemed pretty arrogant even then.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:20 PM
benji…I will let you in on something because I do it and it is second nature…the elipses…I had a creative writing teacher in high school and when i wrote stuff I would start writing and lose my thought so she suggested doing this when I write to spit out my thoughts and then I used to go back and rework the story so it made sense…I started doing it more and more in college as I was working towards my degree and it worked…my problem is in this format I am not going to comb over every comment and edit myself so you guys have to deal with it..when TBL asked my to writte a post a few weeks ago I think I displayed an ability to write cohesively in sentences with proper punctuation…so I apologize (not really) for the elipses but they are not going anywhere
May 1st, 2008 at 12:23 PM
I don’t know about this elipses thing you apparently do, but what about all them little dottie things you put between sentences? What’s up with that?
May 1st, 2008 at 12:25 PM
Anybody else think Billy Wagner needs to shut the hell up? Just as a baseball fan, please stop speaking. His teammates are one more bad comment away from hating him.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:26 PM
nomo…if I gave them out… +1
May 1st, 2008 at 12:27 PM
RWH, it’s ok with me. i actually do the same thing when writing if i have time. but i try to make sense on here but rarely do. i have all these good thoughts in my head, then i read what i typed, and its never what i meant. to each his own though, keep on doing yo thing
May 1st, 2008 at 12:27 PM
zBuck..1 more? I think that boat passed…but in this case he is absolutely correct..unfortuately he is a closer and an asshole so no one will listen to him anyway
May 1st, 2008 at 12:29 PM
Yeah, it’s not that he isn’t speaking the truth, it’s just how he goes about it. There’s saying something to the kid, then there’s being a general douchebag and saying it to the media for all of us to hear.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:37 PM
Nomo, where are you photoshopping my myspace picture? I can’t tell if that was an insult or a compliment…
May 1st, 2008 at 12:42 PM
I have never seen your myspace pic Sportsgal..I believe it was a compliment though..we are trying to break up an impending marriage
May 1st, 2008 at 12:46 PM
Yeah, sportsgal. Take one for the team. And it was a total compliment, what with your pretty, rouge-covered, puckish sort of face, and those flowing, red locks that are so angelic, wing-like even.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:58 PM
Am I even on the team? I’m single, never been married and have zero interest in having kids.
May 1st, 2008 at 1:30 PM
By the way, for all you fellas here married with kids…watch out. Pretty much every guy I know, after being married around 10 years with kids, their wives end up cheating. Then they get divorced and raked over by crazy, gold-digging ex-wives. Just sayin…
May 1st, 2008 at 1:41 PM
guiness…thats because you live in Florida…which is the most dysfunctional state in the Union..I have seen my parents friends who have been married for 40 years move down to FL and get divorced in 6 months…it must be something between the heat and the boredom that makes this happen
May 1st, 2008 at 1:42 PM
My wife can’t get enough of me. Unless she’s overcompensating for cheating on me already. Either way, I’m a happy, happy man.
May 1st, 2008 at 3:03 PM
What boredom is there here? There is always stuff to do(especially outside) or places to go, so that isn’t it. And no, it just isn’t in Florida because I know plenty of people outside the state who deal with batshit crazy ex’s..
May 1st, 2008 at 3:03 PM
Hef, that is spectacular to hear!