Good afternoon! Let’s waste some time at work together, shan’t we?

Just like yesterday, we’ll be following along with ESPN’s Jason Sobel. Before you say anything, I know, I’m just making Jason Sobel more famous. I can’t help it. The man knows how to throw a party and I have to respect that.

Justin Hicks is your leader coming into the day a 3-under par. Phil Mickelson is even and Tiger is 1-over. Did you guys hear they’re playing together? Adam Scott is there too! He’s +2. I’m trembling with excitement! Let’s get started.

Sobel’s weather report from early this morning:

• 8 a.m.: 61 degrees; 2-5 mph winds
• 10 a.m.: 63 degrees; 5-10 mph winds
• 12 p.m.: 66 degrees; 5-15 mph winds
• 2 p.m.: 71 degrees; 10-18 mph winds
• 4 p.m.: 68 degrees; 8-15 mph winds
• 6 p.m.: 64 degrees; 5-10 mph winds

Here’s our forecast:

8am: Cubicle

10am: Cubicle

Noon: Cubicle

You get the point. It looks so nice outside. I wish I could be blogging outside like a real person. *Sigh*

There were four players — Mike (Unhappy) Gilmore), Michael Quagliano, Brian Bergstol and Philippe Gasnier — who got the full Romo treatment yesterday (and three others who tied the mark of 84), so let’s set the over/under of players shooting 84 or worse at 7.5 for Round 2.

Much to everyone’s delight, Michelson again avoided the Mama Cass treatment.

First on-course spy report of the day from my former roommate Trigger, who once climbed Kilimanjarro but was more sore after walking the course for 12 hours yesterday:

Luckily, Trigger has Desert Rose pulsing through his iPod right now to keep him going today.

    So, what you’re saying is stop the puns … or Els?

Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you that Pat from Parts Unknown has been disqualified from the Live Blog. He will remain eligible to read and contribute to future major championships Live Blogs, but has been dismissed from this week’s event.

Well, that’s the last time I e-mail Sobel.

A ball to be lifted under the Rules may be lifted by the player, his partner or another person authorized by the player. In any such case, the player is responsible for any breach of the Rules. The position of the ball must be marked before it is lifted under a Rule that requires it to be replaced. If it is not marked, the player incurs a penalty of one stroke and the ball must be replaced. If it is not replaced, the player incurs the general penalty for breach of this Rule, but there is no additional penalty under Rule 20-1. If a ball or ball-marker is accidentally moved in the process of lifting the ball under a Rule or marking its position, the ball or ball-marker must be replaced. There is no penalty, provided the movement of the ball or ball-marker is directly attributable to the specific act of marking the position of or lifting the ball. Otherwise, the player incurs a penalty of one stroke under this Rule or Rule 18-2a.

Basically, you can touch other players’ balls as long as you have permission.

Getting some confused e-mails about “R.Dinwiddie” on the leaderboard. He is not this guy, who plays QB for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers.

So what do you have to shoot to get “Dinwiddied?”

    Don’t worry about the bad luck or bad puns. Weir all in this together. Woods you prefer it if nobody read your blog?

And Steve in Kingston has been DQ’d. See ya. Seriously, people, I don’t like reading these any more than you do, but if people like Steve are gonna subject me to these awful wordplays, then I’m taking you with me.

OK – THIS was the last e-mail I’m sending Sobel. Seriously. Starting right now.

12:03: Feel free to send Jason Sobel every shitty pun you can think of at usopenblog@gmail.com. Send good jokes that you don’t mind someone else taking credit for to me at alumnigonzo@gmail.com. And please don’t mix them up. Thanks in advance!

12:05: E-mail from our boy Sobel:

Dinwiddied, huh? At least neither of us are being that funny this week…

Yeah, well only one of us is being paid handsomely… to not…be… funny…. Excuse me while I cry a little bit.

I honestly don’t know why, but many of you remain extremely interested in what I’m eating here at the course.

Because we’re fat Americans – that’s why.

Oh, and they have a big ice cream feezer. I was able to get a Chipwich a few days ago before Bob Harig ate them all.

Great. Now I’m hungry.

12:20: I can’t confirm this, but I’m pretty sure this is Sobel.

Seriously, your blog has strange powers.

Jason Sobel’s blog is so potent he made all the ladies at Torrey Pines pregnant.

12:27: Consecutive e-mails from TBL reader Alex: (Sobel was also e-mailed)

Is someone going to have to step in and (Rocco) Mediate this dispute?

 

Woody from Austin

And that’s what happens when you only read the live blog of the live blog. You don’t see that a pun has already been used.

The only thing worse than being e-mailed bad puns is being e-mailed the same bad puns multiple times. Your welcome, Jason!

12:30: Up top, did I use “shan’t” correctly? Would anyone even know if I did?

12:32: Sobel must have taken an ax to his laptop again.

12:35: I’m going to grab something to eat. Back with the puns around 1. Feel free to follow along with Sobel while I’m gone.

1:10: And we’re back! Don’t tell my boss I was gone an extra 5 minutes. That combined with the blogging might land me in some hot water.

This comes from Bob Harig, who resents me going public with his love of the Chipwich: “You want to tell ‘em I’m eating a freakin’ bagel, too?”

Calm down, Bob. There’s nothing wrong with loving chipwich-es.

1:14: I’m so glad that someone brought up O’Connell. When I was eating lunch with my roommate, he started in on the “Oh, you’re so cool. Has the rest of the cast of Stand By Me pledged their undying loyalty to your blog?” This happens from time to time.

1:16: The reason I bring this up, is that my roommate and I have a request of Jerry.

1:17: Jerry, if you’re reading this, can you please ask your wife what the hell was up with the night vision sequence in Rollerball? I mean, that movie was an overall shitshow, but that scene haunts us. There was no night vision in Jimmy Caan’s version. Seriously, what was up with that? If you could find out, we’d be eternally grateful.

Meanwhile, on-course spy Trigger — an Iowa native and Northwestern alum — has smoke coming out of his BlackBerry while watching Zach Johnson and Luke Donald at the same time.

The desert rose yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah…..

The desert rose hey-ey-ey-ey…

Just an FYI: My colleague Bob Harig is currently chatting in The Show. You know, if there’s anything you wanted to ask him about …

Besides chipwiches?

Still more than three hours until Tiger Woods tees off

That’s waaaaay past my bedtime.

I am loving your blog as always. If I were at the Open, I would wear a “I e Sobel” shirt. But let’s talk about what’s really important at Torrey Pines this Friday. If the Mint Julep is the official drink of the Masters, then what is the drink for the Open this year? And what will you be imbibing? Maybe a John Daly?

Jason Sobel’s mother has learned how to e-mail and she’s a firecracker.

Is Beth a 50-year-old fat guy who’s leering at me from the other side of the media center? Probably. But someone wants to show outward support for a golf blogger, so who am I to say no?

I bet its Harig. He’ll lure Sobel outside and beat him to death with his own laptop.

1:43: Regarding the ingredients of a “John Daley”…. I just imagine something consisting of Miller Lite, tits, Diet Coke, Cigarette butts and Hooters’ hot wings. Whatever it is, it would come in a pitcher and look gross.

1:49: While we’re on the topic of t-shirts, if Bob Harig does actually kill Sobel, I’m getting t-shirts with this image on the back. On the front it will say “God Needed A Blogger.”

Wow. I swear I posted that last entry before looking back at the leaderboard and seeing that Trahan bogeyed No. 12. The Blog Jinx is working quicker than Colin Montgomerie’s temper.

If DJ Trahan isn’t immune to Jason Sobel’s reign of terror, no one is safe.

Poulter is currently 7-over, which is strange because I thought he was going to win this week. From a Golf World (U.K.) article:

Remember to close your tags, Jason. (Yeah, the entire blog is a big link right now.)

On-course spy report from my former roommate Trigger, who was surprised that he didn’t receive a restraining order after following Mrs. Streelman throughout yesterday afternoon while watching her husband play golf

You don’t have to put on that red light…. So-bel!

2:16: It’s been brought to my attention that I was using a picture of the wrong Torrey Pines course. It has been replaced with this:
Which can be found on a larger scale here. Thank for the heads up.

Well, if scoring conditions are indeed tougher this afternoon, as I suspect them to be, then even-par is going to be a very good score. Of the 78 players currently on the course, only one is in red numbers for the tournament — Geoff Ogilvy at 1-under-par. Just a guess, but that could be the leading score at the end of the day, too.

I think we need to get the scoring down. When I play Tiger Woods, I shoot in the low-50’s every round. Maybe I’m a purist, but this even-par stuff just doesn’t seem realistic to me.

2:30: Rumors that Spencer096 sent the course correction via his Blackberry are untrue.

2:32: It’s awfully quiet over there. Perhaps Harig has extracted his revenge with a poisoned chipwich. He’s a modern day Muffin Man.

E-mail from my editor Kevin, who (I suppose) could just insert this into the Live Blog if he wanted to since he’s the editor … or now that it’s going in, he could always remove it.

That’s so we… hold on, I just got an e-mail from TBL, who (I suppose) could just insert this into the Live Blog Live Blog if he wanted to since he’s TBL…

“The US Open is over! Phil and Tiger don’t stand a chance! Watch Far and Away.”

Weird.

Checking in on the Man of Streel — or, as I prefer, especially for the U.S. Open, Streel American Hero — shows that Kevin Streelman is holding things together nicely.

The gauntlet has been thrown readers.

“Streel Magnolia”

“Streel Fighter”

“Streel and Loathing at Torrey Pines”

“I hated Kazaam, but I though Streel was decent.”

    I worked alongside Andrew Svoboda as a caddie for years at Winged Foot. Really nice kid. I always wondered how he could chase around those old guys shooting 110 on the West course when he was such a player himself. It’s great to see him seizing the opportunity. Hope the Blog Jinx doesn’t hit after you post this.

I hope not, either. He’s a great story and playing well right now, at 2-under through 11 today and 4-over for the tournament.

Well, now I know two things about Andrew Svoboda – he used to caddy and he has no shot of succeeding in the not-so-distant future.

3:05: The pace appears to be slowing. I’m having an AMP right now so I wake up.

Regarding the cut line:

Right now, that’s 127 players — or 81 percent of the field.

I’m just guessing, but I think this is what the fans want!

3:15: Just remembered the Don’t Mess With The Zohan joke from yesterday – Booooo!

Now comes a report from tournament officials that Ian Poulter has withdrawn to “poor wardrobe selection.” Ha! Hilarious! No, but seriously, he’s hurt. I’m guessing hyperextended middle finger, but it’s just a guess.

I sent Sobel an anecdote about Poulter myself. OK, maybe anecdote is the wrong word. I just told him that I like to use Poulter on Tiger Woods because he wears funny pants. You’re trying to tell me that isn’t worthy of posting on ESPN? Come on – I’ve seen the featured comments.

3:23: Forgot what I was going to write. It was going to be hilarious. Dammit.

3:25: I’ve just gotten the dreaded Error message multiple times. Not a good sign. Perhaps someone has linked to this bloggy goodness.

E-mail from Jason at Torrey Pines:

    How close to the lead do potential contenders need to be entering the weekend?

Great question, Jason. Thanks for asking.

And I thought it was slowing down here. Sobel’s e-mailing himself.

Honestly, I don’t want to sound like a shill for the USGA, but you can’t go wrong with any of the next six sites. They are:

• 2009: Bethpage State Park (Black Course)
• 2010: Pebble Beach Golf Links
• 2011: Congressional Country Club
• 2012: The Olympic Club
• 2013: Merion Golf Club
• 2014: Pinehurst No. 2
• 2015: Chambers Bay Golf Course

I’ll see you at Chambers Bay in 2013 2015, Sobel. My word is my bond.

3:46: Another window of time where Harig may or may not have killed Sobel. I’ll be missing you…

D.J. Trahan misses a 10-foot birdie putt on his final hole, but taps in for par and a 2-under 69. He’s in the clubhouse at 1-under going into the weekend and will be heading to the interview room soon. I’ll let you all know what he has to say about his round.

That’s a terribly worded joke. Even by Sobel standards.

Justin Hicks pipes his drive down the first fairway en route to making par to open the round. Gotta be a good feeling after holding a share of the overnight lead.

Gotta love a well-piped drive.

4:20: (Heh heh heh) Welp, it’s about time for me to head home. Believe it or not, I almost made “production” at my job today. Hope this helped everybody pass the time this afternoon. I’ll be around all weekend. Sobel will continue his blog all night and all weekend, so don’t be afraid to thank him for providing me with so much material. Later everybody.
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