Quite a week for NHL ruffian/brooding wannabe celebrity Sean Avery: First, when a fashion writer in Paris asked him if he were gay, Avery defiantly responded, “I’m going home to jerk off to you now.” Gawker wrote that there was later a mid-jerk text message that said, “the session is going very well.” Sean Avery might be rich, and he might have boffed Elisha Cuthbert, but he calls relishing your dog or toying with your death star “sessions,” just like every other guy in America.

Of slightly lesser importance, the free agent defender signed a 4-year, $15.5 million deal with the Dallas Stars. (Modano, watch your wife!)