Athletes Could Save So Much Money By Staying Single
Tennis, WAG July 11th. 2008, 4:15pm
There’s a show on the Style Network called Platinum Weddings that I am constantly subjected to by my girlfriend. It’s all about the awful people who spend an absurd amount of money on their weddings.
Here’s a quote from a recent episode that I may have completely fabricated: “$400,000 for flowers? You think that will be enough? Hmm… Better play it safe and make it $600,000.”
Ugh. Great precedent, Style. I’m counting change to see if I can have two toppings on my pizza and these people are spending my year’s salary on chrysanthemums. What was the point of this? Oh, yeah.
The reason I bring up this extremely girlie show is that Greg Norman and tennis-great, Chris Everet were married last month. Because of Norman’s previous marriage, the wedding ended up costing him more than (*Puts pinky in corner of mouth*) one hundred million dollars.
Famed golfer and businessman Norman’s divorce from former flight attendant Laura Andrassy cost him $103 million and change, according to previously secret documents filed Thursday in a Martin County court.
Damn, floozy stewardesses. If only Norman could have resisted her sexy airline-embellished charms. It seems Andrassy enjoys turning the knife:
“I’m having a great summer,” said Andrassy, sporting a Cheshire cat-like smile. “I had my golf friends over for the Fourth of July. People like Nick Price and his wife. Ben Crenshaw. It was fun.”
I can’t believe Nick Price and Ben Crenshaw sided with Andrassy. Is there no honor amongst golf buddies? Then again,
35 Responses to “Athletes Could Save So Much Money By Staying Single”
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July 11th, 2008 at 4:17 PM
Have fun…STAY SINGLE! Oh my gosh Platinum Weddings?! Have you been subjected to what’s on right before that Bridezillas?! How are these chicks getting married? They’re absolutely psycho.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:18 PM
I tell my son this every day.
/he’s two years-old
July 11th, 2008 at 4:18 PM
She should have invited over Rupurt Murdock’s ex.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:21 PM
if i had that much money and got divorced id just kill the woman
July 11th, 2008 at 4:22 PM
Platinum Weddings is a sickening show, like that 16th birthday show on MTV. You couldn’t force me to watch an episode.
Time to leave for vaca. Later people.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:25 PM
who knew Ben Crenshaw was married to Nick Price?
July 11th, 2008 at 4:25 PM
Bridezillas eliminates Platinum Weddings.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:27 PM
Hahahhaha, +10 mizerle
July 11th, 2008 at 4:29 PM
CRM at the 1:03 mark
July 11th, 2008 at 4:31 PM
clown is like a gigantic bundle of awesome knowlege. and a photoshopping guru.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:32 PM
clown, you never cease to amaze
July 11th, 2008 at 4:37 PM
Whenever my wife starts watching that shit I leave the room immediately.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:38 PM
Yup, watching that shit is the start of the process by which your girlfriend will BREAK YOU DOWN and get a ring out of you! Stay strong….
/married for 9 years
//was made to watch the same stuff back in the day
July 11th, 2008 at 4:41 PM
Clown, have you applied for this job?
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/672031640.html
July 11th, 2008 at 4:43 PM
haha. Clown, if you send him the pic of the clown, you would be hired.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:46 PM
i just looked at the budget spreadsheet for my wedding last night. jesus fucking christ!!! weddings are too goddamned expensive.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:46 PM
I think the right half of that picture defines Cougar. Chris Evert is a fine, fine woman that I could still learn things from.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:49 PM
So, deductive reasoning lends me to conclude that CRM is banking between $400k and $600k per year. If the PM Roundup dude is pulling that kind of skrilla, I’m never clicking a damn ad again. (unless, of course, the chrysanthemums are only a small part of the floral arrangement?)
July 11th, 2008 at 4:50 PM
A buddy of mine just recently got engaged. His future father in law came up to him and said “Son, I’ll give you 10K to elope. Nothing Vegas, just a small wedding w/ your family and mine on a Sat. afternoon” He said he’d think about it, goes to his dad for advice, and his dad says that he’ll match it! 20K on the line, and as soon as he gets the words out to his fiance, she yells at him, her father and calls up his father to give him some words too… Sigh, women.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:50 PM
Norman is a golfer, not an athlete.
/sportsgal
July 11th, 2008 at 4:51 PM
@Justin: funny stuff.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:56 PM
No clapping.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:56 PM
@Justin: my boss told me the same story, except the dad offered $100K. elope it was.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:57 PM
chicks love spending an exorbitant amount of money on weddings. and that is why i’m gay.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:58 PM
that and the cock.
/not true. its late on a friday afternoon and my brain is melting….
July 11th, 2008 at 5:00 PM
He broke it down to his girlfriend wrong he should have made it sound like some romantic getaway for just the two of them.
July 11th, 2008 at 5:01 PM
Seriously, moleman. You can’t tell me you can’t buy off some local sherrifs office in bumblefuck, nowhere for less than $103 million.
July 11th, 2008 at 5:01 PM
@CRM : Say Yes to the Dress starts back up next Tuesday on TLC. Happy viewing!
/Ashamed for knowing this.
July 11th, 2008 at 5:01 PM
My wife is awesome for $20,000 she would have went for it.
July 11th, 2008 at 5:04 PM
@jb – I call bullshit. you never had the option so you don’t know how it would have gone down. women like to say things to act like they’re rational but that definitely doesn’t make them rational.
July 11th, 2008 at 5:06 PM
@jb – I’ll correct myself and take back my bullshit call if your wife’s like mine. Mine would have taken the $20k and thrown the wedding herself to avoid family-fueled obligations in the planning.
July 11th, 2008 at 5:06 PM
Yeah, the sad thing is that both fathers surmised that it would have been cheaper just to give them the money too. Thats the real tragedy.
July 11th, 2008 at 5:06 PM
the word rational and women shouldn’t ever be used in the same sentance. ever.
July 11th, 2008 at 5:08 PM
favre wants out of Green Bay if he comes back
Jay Glazer had it at 3:54 and Mort had it at 4:46 (or at least thats when each of the stories went on fox and espn)
July 11th, 2008 at 5:10 PM