The Yankees are horrible and Intern Bill is here to continue to rub it in. This poor dog – probably named Paul O’Neil – hasn’t seen a title during his lifetime. Sad stuff.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, the Yankees are doomed, and are currently playing out the string in a season that will be without playoffs for the first time since the 1994. Thusly, the iconic Yankee stadium, in operation since the days of Babe Ruth, will shutter its doors under the dark cloud of ignominious failure – good times all around! With that in mind, our friends at NoMaas.org suggested something bordering on blasphemy… knowing that New York will miss the playoffs almost regardless of what they do, should they effectively tank the season?

Dear Yankees, Keep on Losing

The Yankees currently have the 11th best record in baseball, or the 20th worst. If the Yankees end up with one of the worst 15 records, their 2009 first round draft pick becomes protected. If they sign a Type A free agent (which we hope they sign at least two) after finishing in the bottom 15, then they won’t lose their first rounder.

They are currently 5.5 games above the bottom 15. It’s probably a longshot at this point, but we can dream, can’t we? It’s all about setting goals.

Sheer genius! Hunter S. Thompson had once said that the natural impulse of a man in the midst of the drinking binge is to take it as far as he can, and apparently the same is true with losing. If losing is like a drug, maybe that’s why the people in San Francisco look like they’re high all the time.

If what the Nomass-ians are saying is true, then the Yankees will probably be better off in the future if the team loses. So how will they accomplish this?

-Bring back Melky Cabrera, who has proven to be the worst regular OF this side of Tony Womack.
- Let Ian Kennedy (0-4, 8.17 ERA) and Phil Hughes (0-4, 9.00 ERA) pitch.
- Give Robinson Cano more money.
- Take away Andy Pettitte’s and Jason Giambi’s pharmaceutical card.

Of course there are those pesky intangibles that might exist in the hearts of players that know that their front office is sandbagging them, and cause them to quit on the organization all together. But as we all know, if you can’t put it into a spreadsheet than it doesn’t exist!

So attention all Yankee fans – root for your team to lose. Eventually one day down the road, it’ll make the team better. Assuming the first round pick doesn’t sign with UCLA. Maybe after Brian Cashman gets fired for putting together the most expensive losing team in baseball, he can get a job at ESPN.