Time Magazine feverishly reports that the world might end Wednesday because some European nerds are attempting to re-create the Big Bang theory, which could create a mini-black hole:

On Sept. 10, scientists at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) laboratory in Geneva, Switzerland, will switch on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) — a $6 billion particle accelerator that will send beams of protons careening around a 17-mile underground ring, crash them into each other to re-create the immediate aftereffects of the Big Bang, and then monitor the debris in the hope of learning more about the origins and workings of the universe. Next week marks a low-power run of the circuit, and scientists hope to start smashing atoms at full power by the end of the month. Critics of the LHC say the high-energy experiment might create a mini black hole that could expand to dangerous, Earth-eating proportions.

New England Patriots fans are thrilled with this development, because it means no more QB fears! Our abridged bucket list: Wager the rest of our wad on the Packers tonight, boast to everyone who will listen that each of our four fantasy football teams went over 100 points, and post a photo we once took with Jessica Alba so that you can mock us endlessly.

Collider Triggers End-of-World Fears (Time)