The U.S. Soccer big wigs are cracking champagne bottles, as the Men’s National Team has risen three whole places to 28th in the ever-meaningful September FIFA rankings.  Loving America and flush with success, here is an update on how our boys are doing overseas.

Clint Dempsey has bravado, a funny accent and more rhymes than the Bible’s got psalms, but none of this attracts attention in South London.  The new, and marginally more competent, Fulham manager Roy Hodgson has frozen out the impresario, limiting him to just one start this season, in the unavailing Carling Cup.  Dempsey’s cool ride may lead to a fantastic slide to another European club.

Nouveau Monaco man Freddy Adu made his first start for the club, in their 1-0 French League Cup defeat to PSG. Â Our blogging brother started up front in a 4-4-2 and, by most accounts, played decently.  U.S. coach Bob Bradley didn’t notice, as he was too busy analyzing Eddie Johnson’s latest reserve match for second division English side Cardiff City and shipping him a new pair of bright orange boots.

Oguchi Onyewu will become one of the most sought after men in Europe in January, and not just for his chiseled physique.  Onyewu’s contract expires at the end of the season, and Standard Liege will try to sell him while they still can.  Espanyol like the cut of his jib, but he apparently prefers a date in Northern England, rather than balmy Barcelona.

Former University of Tulsa goalkeeper Dominic Cervi’s self-confidence has finally been rewarded.  The 22-year-old spurned MLS to sign with a European club, and Scottish giants Celtic are set to offer him a contract.  The sticky-wicket will be the work-permit, which will involve some shady Italian passport shenanigans to circumvent.

After back to back losses, Jurgen Klinsmann misses California.  So much so, that he may consider bringing his radical bud Landon Donovan to join him at Bayern Munich.  Lando won’t play, since there are real established internationals like Luca Toni, Franck Ribery, Bastien Schweinsteiger and Lukas Podolski in his way.  But, the two dudes could patronize Munich’s oxygen bars and raw food restaurants to contentment.

Finally, Arsene Wenger will do his part for the American game, by plucking naturalized 14-year-old Zambian Charles Renken for the Arsenal academy, before the American soccer establishment can pound him, unsuccessfully, into a square hole.