English soccer stars live a stressful life. Booze, sex, shopping, violent video games and two and a half hours of training per day can take its toll. So, it’s no surprise that annual Christmas parties are a way for the boys to let loose. This year’s festivities have been quite tame thus far with no cigar butts in the eye, no rape charges and only one suspected robbery. However, there were still notable hijinks.

Chelsea threw a posh, WAGS-banned affair at the Mayfair club, Funky Buddha, where England and Chelsea captain John Terry became captain of fun for the night. The married father of two stole the DJ’s microphone to serenade the ladies with his dulcet renditions of Luther Vandross, Notorious B.I.G. and Soulja Boy.  He also “gyrated” behind a few blondes and entertained with his hilariously ironic running man dance. Eventually, the lads devolved into trapping unsuspecting girls on the dance floor Night at the Roxbury-style.

Aston Villa threw a decidedly less cool party in another section of the club.

The boys from Tottenham, finally recovered from their Carling Cup celebration, toasted the holidays sans-loved ones at another Mayfair club, Taman Gang. No anecdotes from intrepid reporters have emerged, just this picture of sprightly Mexican winger Giovanni dos Santos collapsing to the floor before vomiting and being hastily removed from the premesis.