1. Chicago Cubs. Can’t envision a scenario in which the stacked Cubs don’t win the division. The 4th and 5th starters are Rich Harden and Sean Marshall. Come on now. We’ll project 92 wins.

2. St. Louis Cardinals. We see the Cards over/under set at 82.5 most places, and even though we think very little of Tony LaRussa … we like St. Louis this year. Sure, a healthy Albert Pujols is likely to put up better offensive numbers than the rest of his infield, combined, rookie closers can be dangerous, and who knows how Chris Carpenter will perform in his long-awaited return (nobody actually puts stock in the preseason, do they?). We’ll guess 85 victories.

3. Cincinnati Reds. Surprised? Kinda fell in lust with the young cats – Cueto, Votto, Bruce and Volquez – and thus the 81-win projection. Of course, if Cueto and Volquez struggle, and Votto and Bruce don’t power the offense .. this easily could be a last-place team. Well, not last … nobody could do worse than the Pirates this year. Or any year since Andy Van Slyke, Bonilla and Bonds left, really.

4. Milwaukee Brewers. Tough not to like that offense; tougher to like that pitching staff that lost its top two pitchers and closer. We’ll guess 80 wins. But we’ll add that we’re rooting for these guys (again), but this time due to 3B coach Willie Randolph.

5. Houston Astros. This old batch of Mitchell Report rejects is destined for 71 wins. Best-case scenario: Kaz Matsui’s anal fissures return, hilarity ensues. The Astros should remain in the news all season … only because they’re going to be dumping players by June when it becomes evident there’s no hope.

6. Pittsburgh Pirates. The guess has to be 68 wins. In 2008 they won 67 games, the year before that 68, in 2006 they won 67 and of course in 2005 they won 68. Patterns rule! Closest they’ve been to .500 since 1992? That would be 1999’s 78-win team. At least the LaRoche brothers are a cool story.