The NHL playoff begins tonight, and even though Ottawa’s not in the postseason, we figured the pairing of Carl Pavano’s ex, Gia Allemand, and defenseman Chris Campoli was worth mentioning. She’s sort of a big deal on the internet, whatever that means.

After the jump, the most passionate female hockey fan we know, Sportsgal, opines about the first round.

Eastern Conference

No. 8 Montreal Canadiens vs No. 1 Boston Bruins: I’m about 99% sure this one is gonna be UGLY. Last year, the seeds for these two teams were reversed. Boston took Montreal to 7 games in a series that featured all but 8 players (total!) seeing some time in the penalty box. Fast forward to this season – Montreal was expected to be the best in the East again but ended up barfing all over themselves. Boston this season has been a beast. Its goalie, Tim Thomas, has played exceptionally well, and their trade acquisition Mark Recchi is third on the team with 60 points. If the last meeting between these two teams is any indication, I’m expecting tons of power plays and lots of pushing, shoving and fighting. In the end, I don’t believe Montreal has the fire power (or the defense) to make this a long series.
Boston wins in 5.

No. 7 New York Rangers vs No. 2 Washington Capitals: Every hockey fan knows any team has a shot at the Stanley Cup if their goaltender gets hot. Unfortunately for Caps fans, Jose Theodore (although incredibly good-looking) sucks. The Capitals gave up 245 goals this season. The only Eastern Conference playoff team with more goals against is Montreal at 247, and they have a 21-year old goalie. All but two of the Capitals’ defensemen have a +/- rating under +5. They have the best offensive player in the game in Alexander Ovechkin, but Ovie can’t be everywhere all the time. I’m not all that high on the Rangers, especially with the way Drury has wilted under the pressure of playing in New York, but I definitely think they have a chance at pulling off the upset. However, I’m going to err on the side of caution…
Washington in 7.

No. 6 Carolina Hurricanes vs No. 3 New Jersey Devils: Ugh. I hate the Devils. Not even David Putty can make me like them. Luckily for haters like me, the Devils have been sucking hind teet the past month. They lost 8 of their last 13 and managed to give up five goals to the Lightning a week and a half ago. The Lightning! Meanwhile, the Hurricanes made a deal to bring Eric Cole back to the team, and they won a whopping 12 games after that trade (including 9 in a row). Without a doubt, Carolina has been the hottest team in the league for the past month and a half. Eric Staal is back playing with Cole and he’s been on fire ever since. On paper, the Devils have the better team. Langenbrunner, Elias, Parise and Zajac are all epic. And even old man Shanahan has been playing well. I fully expect the adulterous Martin Brodeur will be solid in goal (he’s currently pounding his sister-in-law. Nice guy). I’m pulling for Carolina in this one, but I just don’t think they can do it.
New Jersey in 6.

No. 5 Pittsburgh Penguins vs No. 4 Philadelphia Flyers: YES!!! RIVALRY GAMES!! I can’t wait to watch this series. Everyone in Shittsburgh is high on the Penguins and new coach Dan Bylsma. He managed to lead the team to an 18-3-4 record with the help of some key returning players (Gonchar for one) and the improved play of Fleury. Speaking of Fleury, remember when he fell coming out onto the ice during the Stanley Cup playoffs last year? Hahahahahahahaha!!!! Anyway, everyone knows the Penguins have two of the best offensive guys in the league (Crosby and Malkin) but the big questions the Penguins will need to answer are on lines 2-4 and their defense. Staal, their third best scorer, has been inconsistent, and I’m still not sold on the Penguins defense, regardless of their improvement in the last 20 games. The Flyers have two nice scoring lines that will give the Penguins trouble. Either way, I think this one is going 7.
Philadelphia in 7.

Western Conference

No. 8 Anaheim Ducks vs No. 1 San Jose Sharks: Aw yeah. Fans of every team in the Western conference playoffs (aside from Sharks fans) are pumped about this match-up. Anaheim is one of the most physical teams in the NHL. They have a core group of veterans on both offense and defense that know how to win in the playoffs. If anyone can take down the President Cup-winning Sharks, it’s the Ducks. The Sharks are notorious playoff chokers, but with a new coach (former Red Wings assistant Todd McLellan) and guys like Thorton, Marleau and Setoguchi on offense, they have a good chance of shaking the “choker” title. That being said…
Sharks in 7. Oh, and F CHRIS PRONGER!!!

No. 7 Columbus Blue Jackets vs No. 2 Detroit Red Wings: I really don’t know what to make of this series. On paper, the Wings are night and day better than the BJ’s (hehehehe) in all areas except goal tending. There’s no denying Detroit’s offense is incredible. They averaged 3.52 goals a game and have the best power play in the league. The only way I can see Columbus winning is if their goalie is on fire. Mason is a rookie and played out of his mind this season, but he’s never been in the playoffs, and neither have the BJ’s. Sorry Columbus fans, but even with Detroit’s crappy goal tending, I don’t think you’re getting past the defending champs.
Detroit in 6.

No. 6 St. Louis Blues vs No. 3 Vancouver Canucks: St. Louis is going to get slaughtered. That’s really all I can say. Luongo is the Western Conference’s best goalie and those goddamn Sundin twins are ridiculous together. They each had 82 points this season. I got to see Vancouver play only two short weeks ago and it looked unstoppable. The defense was stifling and the offense flawless. The Blues have a terrific rookie line of T.J. Oshie, Patrick Berglund and David Perron that will be sure to finish their checks and score some goals. But let’s be honest here… that’s really all they have. Listen, St. Louis is a great story. NO ONE thought it’d make the playoffs, yet here they are. Even though they’re a division rival, I wish them the best. However…
Vancouver in 4.

No. 5 Calgary Flames vs No. 4 Chicago Blackhawks: Playoff hockey is back in Chicago, baby! Rocky Wirtz has turned this franchise around and made Chicagoans love hockey again. If you really care to understand what an amazing job Rocky has done, read this. Calgary has a number of significant injuries (including Elisha Cuthbert’s BF Dion Phaneuf), and Kiprusoff has been playing really shitty in the midst of their playoff push. Chicago will have all of their key players back in the lineup, and Khabibulin seems to be channeling his 2004 Cup-winning self (knock on wood).
Chicago in 5.