Brian Cashman is a Terrible, Terrible General Manager
1-liner, Baseball April 17th. 2009, 12:00pmGM of the Yankees: “It’s obscene that a job like this even exists. But for someone to have this job and fuck it up is just appalling, the kind of gross disrespect for our own good fortune that makes it hard for us Americans to look the Third World in the eye. What Brian Cashman has accomplished as GM of the Yankees over the past few years, in turning a perennial World Series champ into a third-place also-ran, is like walking into a backstage party for Led Zeppelin with a two-pound bag of coke and a 28-inch penis and failing for a whole night to get laid.” (Men’s Journal)
52 Responses to “Brian Cashman is a Terrible, Terrible General Manager”
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April 17th, 2009 at 12:02 PM
Best ZING! in a long time.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:07 PM
Men’s Journal is for 50 year old wannabe sportsmen fags.
It’s just not realistic to expect to win continuous titles anymore, especially when baseball has the most competitive balance out of all of the professional leagues.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:08 PM
Duh-AMN!
April 17th, 2009 at 12:08 PM
That’s the worst analogy I’ve read in a “legitimate” periodical in a long time.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:09 PM
Is Matt Taibbi fucking serious?
April 17th, 2009 at 12:10 PM
how long has it been since you’ve read a “legit” periodical?
that’s tremendous.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:10 PM
I’m with clown.
I love how the yanks are the only ones spending money, with the media acting like this is still the 30’s with the best kids being signed instead of drafted. What the fuck is Cashman supposed to do? He didn’t even have full control of the team for a good 4-5 years because of Steinbrenner’s Tampa regime. Last year the Yanks had NO pitching, and what did he do? He signed the best two guys on the market. WHAT A JERKOFF, RIGHT?!#!#&! It’s just so hep to fucking rag on the yanks, isn’t it? And who the fuck 1). Reads Mens Journal and 1a). reads mens journal for sports info?
April 17th, 2009 at 12:12 PM
And I’m gonna continue, because even when cashman did have good young talent Torre would fucking fall in love with a shit veteran and play them instead. Tanyon Sturtze? Scott Proctor? Paul Quantrill? He did nothing but play his boyfriends over and over.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:12 PM
This is perhaps the single stupidest pieces I have ever read. Cashman’s overall effectiveness is certainly up for debate, but the author’s very premise and virtually every detail is so fundementally flawed as to make the piece barely descernible.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:13 PM
when your teams reputation is to have one goal every year, and it’s to win the world series, and you’re given a blank check to accomplish that goal, don’t you think it proves your failures when teams that have a far smaller budget and more financial restrictions and no pretense of playing in October ends up winning the world series?
April 17th, 2009 at 12:13 PM
good time for a discussion about passing on johan last year? bad time?
April 17th, 2009 at 12:14 PM
quite honestly, not sure why cashman should get credit or blame for any move the Yankees make.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:16 PM
mad max, tell us how you REALLY feel
April 17th, 2009 at 12:16 PM
Also, nice analogy there, asshat. Way to keep up with the times. Go shake your fist and yell at some clouds.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:17 PM
oh, and don’t you think that if cashman was really that good, or really that much in demand, or really hated being with the yankees he would have left for greener pastures?
the guy’s milking the cow for all it’s worth! he’s talked everyone into Yankeeland into believing he’s the smartest man in the room!
April 17th, 2009 at 12:17 PM
then why is he employed? legitimate question.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:18 PM
TBL – The feeling at the time was that BOTH Hughes and Kennedy would be stars, which can still happen (more with Hughes than with Kennedy) and you KNOW the yanks still would have been lauded if they made this trade. “Oh, the yanks give up youth again for another aging superstar!” Fucking bullshit media sometimes…
April 17th, 2009 at 12:18 PM
The Yankees have bought their way into the playoffs something like 14 of the past 15 years?
April 17th, 2009 at 12:20 PM
If cashman was allowed to make the moves he wanted to make since the beginning we’d have a much better team. Tampa had Steinbrenners ear since forever, and he only got the WHOLE wheel two years ago.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:22 PM
i really have no answer.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:23 PM
I’m not a Yankees fan, but what a f***ing blowhard. He’s saying that having a bunch of money means the Yankees should be great every year, yet he’s yelling at Cashman for spending way too much money. His last line is priceless for it’s self-righteousness. This guy went to a prep school that charges more money than my college tuition.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:25 PM
As a man who has a 28-inch cock of his own, lemme tell ya, chicks ain’t always down.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:26 PM
His wizardry with the ladies, obviously.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:27 PM
/fixed–my college taught me mad copyediting skills
April 17th, 2009 at 12:27 PM
It was nice of this guy to stop watching “Frasier” and “Masterpiece Theater” long enough to write this haphazardly put together baseless “article”.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:28 PM
@crookednose
I was going to say the same thing–with 28 inches, no matter where you enter, you’re probably ending up somewhere in the digestive system.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:36 PM
and if you go anywhere with a 2-pound bag of coke, you’re more likely to get stabbed & robbed than get smothered with pussy
April 17th, 2009 at 12:39 PM
LOL
re: Santana
he just turned 30 … meaning he was 28 going on 29 when the yanks were after him. in a sports when pitchers are regularly throwing in their late 30s … does that really count as aging?
the hype machine on kennedy and hughes was a joke. are either in the majors right now?
April 17th, 2009 at 12:42 PM
TBL-we can debate the lack of a move for santana after we see how things pan out for Sabathia.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:42 PM
But that’s more a product of the new york papers/radio shows than Cashman.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:44 PM
well…not too sure about that. many around these parts were saying he should pull the trigger.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:45 PM
I’m referring to the hype, not his inability to make a trade.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:47 PM
It feels like they want it both ways. “These are our farm guys, aren’t they great? See, we can draft as good as Boston.” As if trading them for a proven Ace would be admitting they aren’t as good.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:49 PM
they draft shitty. i blame the Yankees players a couple years ago about Hughes. Guys like Giambi were comparing him to Clemens after batting practices.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:51 PM
Agreed, the Yankees are gay.
/next?
April 17th, 2009 at 12:52 PM
I don’t know what the fuck is Matt Taibbi’s deal. This guy is the most brilliant political commentator around (yeah, yeah, I know…some of you hate him), he wrote the funniest book of 2008 (The Great Derangement), yet he’s slumming at Men’s Journal doing sports articles. I almost think he’s trying to be as outrageously stupid as possible.
Love Taibbi, but his last 3 pieces at Men’s Journal are horrendous. Stick with RS, Brother Taibbi.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:52 PM
Gene Michael is the only guy upstairs that knew what he was doing. but i think he has gone senile himself.
April 17th, 2009 at 12:52 PM
when you let the papers/radio dictate your moves, the terrorists have won.
santana > sabathia
April 17th, 2009 at 12:53 PM
I guess Men’s Journal is owned by RS, did not dawn on me until just now.
April 17th, 2009 at 1:02 PM
The earlier comment about Cashman not really having control are valid. I believe Cashman wanted to sign Vlad instead of Sheffield for instance, but was overruled.
Also, you can say now that they should have traded for Johan, but trading young guys for aging veterans is what got them in the mess in the first place. I think Hughes will still turn out decent. Kennedy probably not.
I hope I never have to defend the Yankees again.
April 17th, 2009 at 1:03 PM
the hype machine on kennedy and hughes was a joke. are either in the majors right now?
I think they are riding the busses with Homer Bailey. Seriously, sometimes prospects don’t work out. The Twins were moronic to trade Santana and I think that at least a dozen teams (including the Yanks) were dumb not to come up with a better offer than the Mets did. But I hardly think that it was an overwhelmingly obvious call.
And while I agree that the NY hype machine palys a role, Hughes was like #4 prospect in all of baseball from both Prospectus and Baseball America which are pretty respected outlets of neutrality.
April 17th, 2009 at 1:10 PM
@clown. i am not quite 50 and i am not a fag. i loved every word of the article. fuck the yankees and their soon to be empty stadium.
April 17th, 2009 at 1:10 PM
I actually find myself agreeing with clown, too, for a change. With all of the advances in statistical research and the complete overhaul of most MLB front office with forward thinking individuals, it’s ridiculous to think a team could win multiple titles in a 3-4 year span.
/unless you’re the Red Sox.
April 17th, 2009 at 1:14 PM
where is david price?
April 17th, 2009 at 1:56 PM
Anyone that blames the lack of Yankee championships in the last nine years on ONE person – Brian Cashman – has taken one too many 28-inch penises up their back side. One person cannot be singularly responsible for their successes and failures.
The Yankees of the 90s were a concoction of great management (Cashman, Gene Michael and advisors), great core and peripheral players, a great bench, a calm, respecting coaching staff, and a consistent pitching staff.
The Yankees of the 00s have represented poor management (the rise of Hal and Hank and the fall of Father George), poor drafting, an older line-up that became more susceptible to injury, and an atmosphere of distrust and chaos (re: Hank/Hal).
Cashman can barely make a move without having to consult the Brothers Steinbrenner. It was a risk to place bets last year on Hughes and Kennedy and bypass Santana, but it was a smart risk to take. Honestly, would Santana have lead them to another Championship? Not hardly.
Seems to me like Men’s Journal wanted a spike in readership and newstand purchases more than anything.
April 17th, 2009 at 2:04 PM
Matt Millen and Isiah Thomas disagree.
April 17th, 2009 at 2:08 PM
Maxwell- feel free to tell me why the Twins were dumb to trade Santana.
April 17th, 2009 at 2:50 PM
Maxwell- feel free to tell me why the Twins were dumb to trade Santana.
Because they got so caught up in the idea that they couldn’t keep him that they failed to realize that their best chance to actually win was last year (when they could afford him.) The Twins and A’s keep rolling over their talent and trading them early (like the A’s did with Haren and Harden) in order to keep getting more young talent. So what they end up doing is never having a team maturing together and will perpetually be pretty good, but never quite good enough to actually win anything.
April 17th, 2009 at 2:58 PM
while the owners roll in the dough from the consistent fan base. it’s quite nefarious.
April 17th, 2009 at 4:46 PM
Except they were supposed to be awful last year, and if they wouldn’t have hit about 1.000 with RISP they would have been about a 75 win team. I’d rather have my team trade away their players too early than sign Michael Cuddyer to 24 million dollar contracts.
April 17th, 2009 at 4:51 PM
and people wonder why magazines are going out of business….
April 17th, 2009 at 5:03 PM
nope, sorry. Dolan has been destroying that team for years. Remember Layden as the GM? And the Fords are more to blame for what happened in Detroit. Millen made the worse, great. They have 1 friggin playoff win in forever.