The United States’ unexpectedly successful run in the Confederation Cup aroused the attention of the mainstream media.  This gave a few soccerphobes the forum to cloak their neuroses beneath alleged truisms about “American” reaction to the sport.  Not only are these “common sense” statements trite and cliched, but they are misguided and often irrelevant.  Here are three particularly irksome ones.

Soccer’s goal is to be as popular as other mainstream American sports.  It will never be.

Soccer “will never touch baseball, touch basketball, touch football in America.  It’s just not going to happen,” Kornheiser said on PTI.

Kornheiser is correct.  MLS and European leagues probably will not overtake the popularity of those sports.  However, no one is arguing that.  It’s not realistic at this point, nor is it necessarily desirable.  Don Garber already said MLS is not trying to convert Americans to soccer, but convert soccer fans to MLS.  Do you get equally as uppity about the sky being blue or Thai food being spicy?

There are enough soccer fans in the U.S. to sustain a professional league.  There are enough to foster two soccer specific networks showing every major European match.  There is enough interest for ESPN to televise international matches.  Josh Elliott gets snippy when soccer highlights are shortchanged.  I’m satiated.

If soccer is making no inroads, why is it being discussed on PTI?

Soccer fans irrationally demand more media coverage.

“There’s nobody to blame, particularly all my brothers and sisters from the media who get smacked around by the Soccer Nazis because we don’t care. The soccer nuts remain a minority, but they love to scream a lot about the injustices of our failure to devote more time and energy to soccer news,” George Diaz wrote.

George Diaz and others with no interest, we don’t want you to write about soccer.  We can get our news elsewhere.  The Internet is a wonderful thing.  We merely ask that if you choose to write or talk about the sport, you show the same level of professionalism.

Don’t flippantly reference “pubs that air games in the middle of the night.€Â  Have the time or the intelligence to realize that Europe is six hours ahead and South America is in the same time zone, so soccer matches generally happen in the morning or early afternoon, not at night.

Also, if newspapers had perfect knowledge of what the American public wanted, the medium would not be dying.  Maybe you should explore other avenues to attract people instead of whining and being condescending toward your potential audience.

Soccer fans are evangelists who want to destroy the American way of life.

Diaz mentions “Soccer Nazis.€Â  I believe the historical term he was grasping for was “zealot.€Â  Soccer fans, even the most ardent, are not rounding up those who disagree with them and placing them in gas chambers.

This has nothing to do with soccer.  You stereotype soccer fans as “Un-American” because they won’t let you say “effeminate” or “gay” in a public forum.  Soccer fans are stereotyped as wealthy, white, college-educated and liberal.  Like most stereotypes, it is bred out of fear and misunderstanding.

The best thing about American culture is that there isn’t one.  People brought their culture with them from all over the world.  Regions developed their own distinct identities, dialects and cuisines.  There is room for everyone.

Soccer is not a lifestyle-defining choice.  It’s following another sport.  Like a spectacular wine or a scintillating novel, we may recommend it to you.  We will defend it if you disparage it ignorantly.  But, we are not an insidious fifth column trying to convert you to anything.