For the second time in less than three weeks, Jason Whitlock of Fox Sports has weighed in on the Erin Andrews saga. After reminding folks that he was on Oprah last year, and that the result was a couple jealous folks went after him, Whitlock revealed some strategies from other media members who want a seat on Oprah’s coveted couch. Our favorite four after the jump:

Mike Lupica: His Parting Shot on the next episode of “The Sports Reporters” will touch on the emotional scars he carries from paying his way through Boston College as a human bowling ball in the American Dwarf Bowling Association.

Stuart Scott: Signed a three-record deal with Ron Artest’s Tru Warier rap label where Scott, under the stage name “Left Eye,” will team with Scoop Jackson, stage name “Bushwick Bill,” and John Clayton, stage name “Vanilla Nice,” to form the new millennium version of the Geto Boys.

Rick Reilly: In a cliche and pointless 800-word column that will be read by tens of hundreds of readers who find it while looking for Bill Simmons’ column, Reilly will reveal how his agent hoodwinked ESPN into a $3-million-a-year contract.

Mike and Mike: Agree to say something original, clever and provocative.

Clearly, FOX gives Whitlock much more leeway than any other columnist in the country, and he takes full advantage of that. The result here is excellent. Dwarves? Mentioning Scoop “Keep my name out your mouth” Jackson in the same sentence as this guy? Milli Vanilli? ESPN targets obliterated? Nine. How was Mitch Albom spared?

Erin Andrews video scandal: It’s all about the O [Fox Sports]