Every week I feel like an idiot. Not for any good reason, but because of my sports predictions. Everything from fantasy football to UFC fights to the pick’em below. It’s probably just the hind-sight is 50/50 thing, but LeBron do I feel stupid sometimes.

Last week in this very space, I went 6-10. It was an incredible tumble from grace from my 10-6 start to the season. As soon as the early games kicked off I felt like a moron. Everything seems so damn obvious in retrospect. I mean, I picked against Peyton Manning in a night game! Was I dropped on my head as a child?

Fantasy is even worse. In my money league I picked Tom Brady and LaDainian Tomlinson over Drew Brees and… anyone else. Anyone at all. Anyway, enough about my fantasy football teams. Let’s put a stamp on this sucker so I can go to the Beer and Wing Festival.

Pigsplosive Video of Week 2:

Bonus Pigsplosion

The Jake Delhomme Memorial Fraud of the Week Award:

Tony Romo. He threw for a career high in yards in Week 1. That was fun. Romo was 13 of 29 for 127 (one-hundred-twenty-seven!) yards, a score and 3 picks. Sure one pick was an unlucky bounce off a receiver’s foot, but you know what they say – “It’s better to hit a receiver in-stride than in-his-stride.”

The Ben Roethlisberger Game Manager of the Week Award:

I was totally going to give this to Jay Cutler who actually out-Roethlisbergered Roethlisberger, but I’m going to have to lean towards… Mark Sanchez! There’s a buzz around this illegal resident despite the fact that he dinked and dunked his way to 14-22 for 163 yards and a single touchdown. This game was obviously an indictment of how bad the Patriots are at this point in the season, yet everyone is excited about Sanchez.

jessica_burciagaThe “Is Drew Brees Married?” Pointless Hot Chick of the Week:

Jessica Burciaga… I have no idea who she is, but if Tony Romo started dating her she would certainly get her Q rating up. More on Hollywood Tuna. What is the point of this post again?

Picksplosion’em:

Last week: 6-10

Overall: 16-16

I should remind you that these picks are not for recreational use. If you get any enjoyment or use out of the words you will be contacted by my attorney. Via e-mail. We’re going to keep this whole thing on the record. You’re doing exactly what I want you to do.

/sent from my Blackberry

Cleveland (+13.5) over BALTIMORE

This is definitely one of those games that I’ll feel like a moron about 5 minutes in when the Ravens are up 21-0.

Giants (-7.5) over TAMPA BAY

Let’s check out the transitive property for this one: NY > Dal > TB

DETROIT (-6.5) over Washington

I plan on this one being a push: 12.5 – 6. I’m quite confident.

HOUSTON (-3.5) over Jacksonville

If Hernia were doing this post, this is where the picture of Mark Brunell would go.

PHILADELPHIA (-8.5) over Kansas City

Because Tom Hanks played a gay dude in that movie.

MINNESOTA (-6.5) over San Fransisco

Because Brett Favre’s name is spelled funny.

Atlanta (-4.5) over NEW ENGLAND

Cousin Sal can’t talk me off this pick. Wait, I don’t have a cousin named Sal. Somewhat related: You know what’s so great about Julian Edelman? He’s white.

/Patriots fan

Tennessee (-3.5) over JETS

I think the Jets are my new favorite team to root against.

Green Bay (-7.5) over ST. LOUIS

Somebody unleash Aaron Rogers. I assume he’s locked in some subterranean prison because this has not been the proper start to the season. A loss at home against Cincy? FTH?

New Orleans (-4.5) over BUFFALO

I bet the Bills hold the Saints under 40. That’s my bold prediction of the week.

Chicago (-1.5) over SEATTLE

I  mentioned Cutlisberger right?

Pittsburgh (-4.5) over CINCINNATI

Now, a hilarious Big Lebowski reference:

“You can guess what happens next.”

“She fixes the TV Rape?”

SAN DIEGO (-6.5) over Miami

Ted Ginn Jr. has amazing hands. That is all.

Denver (+2.5) over OAKLAND

Cripple fight of the week? Hell no! The Broncos are 2-0! Seriously though, the Broncos are OK, but the Raiders are horrible. I can’t believe they’re the favorites in this game. This would never have happened if Al Davis was dead.

ARIZONA (-2.5) over Indianapolis

Isn’t Peyton Manning undefeated (271-0) in games that start after 6pm Eastern Standard with a 128.4 QB rating in said games? I don’t know, but probably. Anyway, who gives a shit? Kurt Warner is the only Hall of Fame quarterback I recognize in this match up.

Carolina (+10.5) over DALLAS

/wild applause

Hello! How’s everybody doing tonight?

/more wild applause

Did you guys hear about David Patterson shaving?

/nervous laughter from crowd

Yeah, apparently he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t look at himself anymore.

/”ooooooh”

Alright, alright… So, ah, did you hear about the new stadium in Dallas?

/even more wild applause

//Jay Leno’d