No Words Can Describe How Hilarious This Story Is
1-liner, Cougar Love, Courts, Legal, Heavy (Alleged) Drinking, High School Sports October 7th. 2009, 9:45amWoman Chases Teenagers for Sex, Inserts Tampon, Masturbates: “Venus Lewis was charged with three counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition and battery. According to the police report, Lewis was at the E.D. Croskey Recreation Center. She began chasing two league football players, both under 16 years old. She told them she would catch them and then have sex with them. She then walked between two picnic tables, pulled her pants down in front of both boys and inserted a tampon. The boys told police they looked away. Lewis also laid on a picnic table and began masturbating in front of the boys. Ocala police said Lewis was intoxicated. At some point, Lewis also attempted to grab the genitalia of another boy.” [Ocala.com]
62 Responses to “No Words Can Describe How Hilarious This Story Is”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.

October 7th, 2009 at 9:46 AM
I love my state! Never a dull moment.
October 7th, 2009 at 9:48 AM
That news story needs a mugshot.
October 7th, 2009 at 9:48 AM
WTF is this? This is like the time Kramer sold all of his anecdotes to Peterman and had to buy Newman’s crummy stories. Nobody wants to hear this! I actually have a boatload of work to do today…so I’ll just imagine you’re going to be posting this kind of thing the rest of the day to keep me off this site!
October 7th, 2009 at 9:49 AM
Florida is so fucked up. That state is full of batshit crazies.
October 7th, 2009 at 9:49 AM
Mom?
October 7th, 2009 at 9:50 AM
so braylon got traded?
October 7th, 2009 at 9:51 AM
Always Florida on this site. Seriously, can people send in shit from their own state?
October 7th, 2009 at 9:51 AM
@412- way to ruin Ms Godzilla Biscuits. asshole
October 7th, 2009 at 9:53 AM
Some great headlines to start the morning.
October 7th, 2009 at 9:54 AM
Nobody wants to hear this!
Are you kidding? I love this shit. This is why I come here, for zany awesome happenings.
@ Irish – nothing close to this happens in my state. And this happens every day in yours. I’ll bet JPQ sent this in anyway.
October 7th, 2009 at 9:55 AM
Link?
October 7th, 2009 at 9:58 AM
Where was she when I was 15?
Oh yeah, she was 14.
Those boys will be telling this story until they are rocking on the porch with their grandkids on their lap.
October 7th, 2009 at 9:59 AM
@irish, did you miss the wacko rapper murderer story yesterday? The wonderful Old Dominion was the site of that doozy. Virginia has it’s share of wackos too.
October 7th, 2009 at 9:59 AM
Where was she when I was 15?
I would rather see a mugshot before I asked that question. It’s very likely that she is grody, to the max.
October 7th, 2009 at 9:59 AM
Between all the good NFL stuff and the Phils playing at 2:30pm, I kind of wish I had called out sick today.
But I might need those sick days for a long baseball playoff run….
/wishful thinking’d?
October 7th, 2009 at 10:01 AM
Mugshot – um – you asked for it
October 7th, 2009 at 10:02 AM
There is no chance that this was some Hot Cougar type. Rather this was like a female Sam Cassel look a like. Probably scared both those kids off of women forever.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:03 AM
E Man – You die and go to hell. That was uncalled for.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:03 AM
Just saw the mugshot…damn i was wrong, more like a Tyrone Hill look a like…damn that is awful.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:04 AM
just delivering on Dirt’s request is all…just tryin to please
October 7th, 2009 at 10:04 AM
SOBRIETY!!!
October 7th, 2009 at 10:05 AM
@irish, did you miss the wacko rapper murderer story yesterday?
I read about in the news. Did i miss it on here or something?
October 7th, 2009 at 10:05 AM
I really should have known better that to click that link.
I need a hot chick to look at, stat!!
October 7th, 2009 at 10:05 AM
Mugshot – um – you asked for it
Hello breakfast…
October 7th, 2009 at 10:06 AM
ha, she looks like someone who was arrested on Police Woman of Broward County.
no one asked the question why these buys didn’t try to run away when she climbed up on the table, and why another boy mysteriously appeared for her to grab at.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:08 AM
sam cassell and tyrone hill references. so its probably not worth clicking on the link?
October 7th, 2009 at 10:10 AM
Chelsea Chris when are you going to update your blog?
October 7th, 2009 at 10:11 AM
Youth League Football where Amazing happens.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:12 AM
Florida is the best. All you suckers come down here for vacations so dont act like Florida is some shithole.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:15 AM
i vacation in amsterdam, where the weather is sucks but who cares? weed and hookers!!!
October 7th, 2009 at 10:24 AM
Best three days of my life happened in Amsterdam. God I love that place.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:27 AM
Florida is the best. All you suckers come down here for vacations
I’d buy a timeshare in Hades before I’d visit Florida.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:28 AM
so, which part was lewd and and which part was lascivious? and I need to know her breathalyzer in comparison with the legal driving limit, stat!
October 7th, 2009 at 10:29 AM
I love living in Florida.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:32 AM
It is a shithole…exhibit A in why beachfront development should be eliminated. I do like disneyworld though.
I vacation on the Outer Banks or Colorado.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:32 AM
I’m guessing the pulling down of the pants was lewd, and double clicking the mouse was the lascivious part.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:33 AM
Outer Banks of NC? cmon tallguy. you must be going to the wrong coast. the gulf coast is where its at
October 7th, 2009 at 10:33 AM
Tampa is some bullshit. I want to move to Ft. Lauderdale as soon as possible.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:38 AM
I can get to the Outer Banks in 4 hours, and the beaches and fishing are as good if not better than anything in Florida. Actually heading down for a weekend soon. My thing with Florida is for the same price, you can go places in the Caribbean that are much better. Of course, if you like being around alot of loud and obnoxious people, then Florida is the place to be.
So basically, I save my vacation money for skiing, and if I want to hit the beach for a weekend, I’ve got a great place to g
October 7th, 2009 at 10:38 AM
@younglefty – I imagine lascivious was double-clicking and the insertion of a tampon.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:39 AM
Where you going in FL Tallguy? Disney?
October 7th, 2009 at 10:40 AM
I live a half-mile (straight line) from a beach and 1 mile (driveway to boardwalk) from the nearest public beach access. I agree that the beachfront development sucks and detracts from relaxing at the beach in the commercialized areas, but in a residential area like where I live, it’s effing awesome to be able to hop on a bike and pedal over to the beach for a post-dinner, 15 minute chillax.
a shithole, Florida is not.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:42 AM
I’m not a huge fan of Florida on the whole, but St. George Island is awesome. That said, I’d rather vacation at Jekyll Island or St. Simons.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:45 AM
I’m not a huge fan of Florida on the whole, but St. George Island is awesome
my co-worker has a time share there. She is from GA. must be a GA thing. I have never been. Marco Island is real nice
October 7th, 2009 at 10:45 AM
rocks, trees & lakes > Beach & ocean
October 7th, 2009 at 10:49 AM
I love both equally the same for different reasons.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:53 AM
Rocks, trees and lakes are much better for hiding the bodies
October 7th, 2009 at 10:54 AM
+ 10 Outer Banks, NC
Tallguy got it right, the beaches are outstanding. It’s been a favorite of my family for years. Jazz Festival held this time each year is great.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:58 AM
@VA4luvers- are you familiar with Dr Beach? He ranked my local beach #2 in the USA. eat it Outer Banks
October 7th, 2009 at 11:00 AM
a shithole, Florida is not.
I just don’t like hot weather. Plus, my wife is pasty white. You three Floridians have to admit that a lot of crazy shit happens in Florida.
October 7th, 2009 at 11:00 AM
I’ve always wanted to visit the Outer Banks. Sounds/looks awesome. Never really been to the South, except for Charleston. Which was rad except for the gigantic cockroaches.
“Palmetto bugs” my ass. Yet another reason to live in the dry, dry west.
October 7th, 2009 at 11:01 AM
Previous Winners:
• 2007 Ocracoke Lifeguard Beach- Outer Banks, North Carolina
Eat it Irish (my home away from home…I even goto Thanksgiving on Ocracoke)
October 7th, 2009 at 11:05 AM
Tampa is some bullshit. I want to move to Ft. Lauderdale as soon as possible.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/kidding
I didn’t send this in, btw. I did send in “naked man covered in feces jumps in swimming pool”, for those with good memories
I just got out of my car. It said “93″ on my temperature thingy. High of 95 w/ a “feels like” of 104 today. I’m not as big on FL as irish and miz. South Florida is hot as hell and filled with a modern day frwak show of people
October 7th, 2009 at 11:05 AM
@tallguy- Outer Banks is #7 this year. my beach is #2
“Palmetto bugs” my ass. Yet another reason to live in the dry, dry west
Terminix. $25 a month
October 7th, 2009 at 11:06 AM
frwak = Czech for “freak”
/not really, just bad spelling
October 7th, 2009 at 11:07 AM
You three Floridians have to admit that a lot of crazy shit happens in Florida
yes it does
October 7th, 2009 at 11:08 AM
Previous #1 beaches aren’t eligible for consideration…otherwise the list would be the same 7 beaches from Hawaii, 2 beaches from Florida, and Ocracoke.
October 7th, 2009 at 11:09 AM
Previous #1 beaches aren’t eligible for consideration
I see. At least you are familiar with Dr Beach. Man knows his sand
October 7th, 2009 at 11:16 AM
I missed meeting him and Matt Lauer in person by 2 days.
October 7th, 2009 at 11:30 AM
I myself am pasty white and burn easily. The heat doesn’t bother me though. I’d much rather have 95 degrees with 95% humidity than 40 degrees any day.
re: crazy shit…no doubt, this state it full of it!
October 7th, 2009 at 11:34 AM
I’d much rather have 95 degrees with 95% humidity than 40 degrees any day.
I grew up in South Texas, at the very bottom, and I lived in Texas for a long time (like 28 years). I have sweated during showers, I’ve tried to sleep when it’s 80 degrees at 3am. Now I live where we get -40 (well, we did once).
October 7th, 2009 at 11:52 AM
I’d much rather have 95 degrees with 95% humidity than 40 degrees any day.
in the 10 years I’ve lived here, the number of days this occurs has gone from about 180 to 280. THAT’S the problem for me. It goes below 60 about 5 days/year