emma-stoneFor the Zombieland fans: Emma Stone … unhappy with a woman’s karaoke performance, six women proceed to beat her up on stage … school in Ireland: bring your own toilet paper …old lady fights off bear with pillow … death penalty for these criminals, right? All of them … the soccer coach and the 16-year-old … using the pooper scooper as a weapon to assault your family because they took aware your blackberry? …most annoying word in the English language: “Whatever” … great quote about Tim Geithner: “He’s a disaster” … this is the worst: Sheriff claimed to have cancer, took hundreds of hours of sick leave, took donations from friends, family and the community and killed himself recently; an autopsy revealed the sheriff never had cancer

Blistering critique of TBS announcer Chip Caray. (NYT)

Jelena Dokic’s dad is on a hunger strike in jail. Bizarre story. (Sydney Morning Herald)

Must-read: Man does five years in jail for murder he didn’t commit. Eventually, the ruling is overturned, he is released, and awarded $1.7 million. But the Bloods still have a $20k price on his head. (Village Voice)

Michael Jordan and Barry Bonds are about the only people we know following the President’s Cup. (Chicago Trib)

Cole Hamels’ reality TV wife, Heidi Strobel, went into labor in the middle of game two. (Philly Inquirer)

The sorry Buffalo Bills are run like General Motors, which isn’t a good thing, obviously. (Buffalo News)

Fred Taylor might be done for the season after surgery on his ankle. (Boston Globe)

Rick Pitino keeps it positive in the face of everything that happened this summer. (Rush the Court)

In a stunner, Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize. (NYT)

Brent Musburger thought construction of the new Florida Marlins ballpark was construction of a new overpass. (Sun-Sentinel)

Reach? The Big 10 Network’s ratings are soaring because of all the eye-candy it has hired. (Sports Bank)

Here’s Seth Green ranting about getting robbed in a parking lot (via Gawker).

Here’s alleged video of Green getting robbed in a parking lot.