We’re through seven weeks of the NFL season, which means we can stop prefacing every statement made with, “Yeah, but it’s still early…”

No real point in talking about tonight’s game – the Redskins are like Zimbabwe, and that’s all you need to know. They’re not alone. Several NFC teams are already screwed for 2009. St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Detroit, Washington – dead, dead, poor (but dead), rich (but dead). But forget about those also-rans (everyone else already has). Let’s focus on that Holy Grail of the gridiron – the playoffs. Here’s a premature peek at the NFC playoffs, broken into romantic comedy-flavored divisions:

Billy Wilder Best-Ever Division

1. New Orleans (6-0) - Dome team, soft team, bad defense, all that jazz and macho male-posturing crap aside, the Saints overcame a three-touchdown deficit ON THE ROAD against one of the peskiest (first time that’s ever been used on TBL?) teams in the league. This Bayou bunch has a bite previous incarnations didn’t. Dreams of South Beach are not far fetched.

2. Minnesota (6-1) - So, you went on the road, against an AFC power, and you shat yourself in the fourth quarter? It happens. Pick your pride up off the floor, decimate the NFC North, wrest homefield from the Saints and forget about it. Memo to you: the Titans clocked the Steelers last year and the Colts nipped them. Both teams watched them play in the Super Bowl. Rings aren’t won in October.

Cameron Crowe “Fever Dog” Division

3. New York (5-2) - It’s good to have that Kurt Warner revenge game out of the way. Have fun with that New York media.

4. Green Bay (4-2) - Uh…you guys…uh…look, you’re really good against shitty teams, and there’s something to be said for that. But, sooner or later, you’re going to play someone decent, and you’ll probably lose. Juliet wills it so.

adrian-peterson_duck-hunt5. Dallas (4-2) - Keith Brooking played his high school FB in Georgia, his college FB in Georgia, and a decade of pro FB in Georgia. He was owed that ass kicking in his home state!

/Fox’d

6. Atlanta (4-2) - Okay, so maybe winning the NFC South is going to be more of an uphill climb than we thought? That Drew Brees fella is persistent, and our secondary is … whatever the opposite of persistent is.

Mark Waters Serviceable, But Disposable Division

8. Arizona Cardinals (4-2) - A win in Giants Stadium is a win in Giants Stadium, isn’t it? Yeah, Kurt Warner does look old.

8. Philadelphia Eagles (3-2) - They play tonight, but they play the Redskins. Even if they defeat the Snyders tonight, they lost to the Raiders last week. Do you trust them?

Nick Cassavetes Legacy-Destroying Division

9. Chicago Bears (3-3) - Now is not the time to start backtracking and second guessing about Cedric Benson. Now is the time to fix the protection leaks and come up with some way (blitzes, ghost fronts, dime D on first, etc.) to get the ball out of opposing QB’s hands’ quicker.