alabama-girls-who-like-dressing-as-slutty-bear-bryant-for-gamesLSU-talent-hot-chicks Last weekend had two games that coulda shaken up the ol’ BCS picture, unless you somehow believe UGA was gonna pull the donger out and pankass UF in Jacksonville; one of those games, Oregon over USC, delivered, exposing USC’s defense as semi-fraudulent. The rise of Eric Berry-to-the-Chiefs can now commence. That defense has to be good eventually, right? Onto this week, which is perhaps even less scintillating.

Your Top Five Games To Watch

1. LSU at Alabama (3:30 pm, the Verne game): In many ways, this is the only game that matters this week. Hard to believe Saban and company would drop a game at home to a generally-suspect, if improving-of-late Tigers squad but crazy shit happens in the Verne game, and flags are always flying left and right down the stretch. For LSU to win this game, Brandon LaFell has to go apeshit crazy and the D has to rattle the hell out of McElroy and stuff Ingram within three 9 out of every 10 times he pounds the rock. I’m an analyst now.

2. OSU at PSU (3:30 pm, ABC): The Pryor t-shirt is cool. Fun that he threw the picks last year — in Columbus — and now has to go to State College, face a defense with three-four NFL guys on it and do it in a town he spurned because it was “too country.” This one might be over by the half.

female-stanford-fans 3. Oregon at Stanford (3:30 pm): Two simple words here: Trap game.

4. Northwestern at Iowa (12pm, ESPN): Please see No. 3. Iowa’s gotta be looking ahead to OSU a little bit. Northwestern’s not awful.

5. Connecticut at Cincinnati (8pm, ABC): Think Cincy should win this, but the fact that UConn hasn’t won since the tragedy and this is a top-five team, the storyline kinda writes itself for a big-time upset here.

Your Flow, If Ya Drink

Very simple: Northwestern at Iowa at noon — Wildcats will be up 14 near the half, at which point you place your food order (last weekend we went chicken fingers and here’s the essential lesson: it’s not enough if you plan to keep drinking for a few more hours or more) — and then wait for their inevitable comeback. Ask yourself: how cool would it be if Gus Johnson called all their games? Then pull out your phone, pull up this clip and hit the 0:38 mark:

Laugh.

At 3:30, you need two TVs. Put the sound on Alabama. Keep PSU in your sights.

Once those games are over, feel free to dedicate your evening to other pursuits. May I suggest looking at your ex-girlfriend’s Facebook wall and painting yourself into an emotional corner with a sixer of Magic Hat? Oh shit, I’ve said too much.

The Best Bar Discussion To Bring Up This Weekend

Towards the end of the OSU/PSU game, ask your comrades this: What five stadiums look the best — i.e. the coolest — at the end of a 3:30 game as night is falling over the stadium?

While there are obviously a lot of answers, I’d have ND and PSU in my top five, almost unequivocally. [Ed. Doak Campbell in the 1990s? Dusk in Tallahassee not nearly as impressive these days.]

Hit with thoughts in the comments.

barack-obama-basketballThe Best Non-Sports Bar Discussion Of The Weekend

So seriously, were Virginia and New Jersey a referendum on Obama? And if they were, what Governor and/or Senator should be shitting his or her pants the most for 2010 mid-terms?

The Most Obnoxious Thing You Could Say At The Bar This Weekend

“I know the expression is really ‘April showers bring may flowers,’ but in college football, it’s more like October battles bring November malaise.”

(pause for laughter, none will come)

“Another Goose Island Bourbon County Stout over here, ma’am.”

BCS Game Predictions

Leaving this to Jason these days, for when he’s bored.
 [Ed. This will be re-visited tomorrow with less hopefulness and more realism.]

matt-barkley-quarterback-usc-trojans-college-footballThe Teams To Consider The Preseason Ranking Of NEXT Year, When These Games Get Boring:

1. Michigan
2. Notre Dame [Ed. All about Clausen.]
3. Boise State
4. Washington [Ed. All about Locker.]
5. Texas

this-is-a-hot-chick-who-goes-to-lsuA Better Name For This Column Would Be:

Your Mom Suh’ed On My Face

The Five Most Overplayed Storylines Of The Week:

1. What do we do with Iowa, BSU, TCU and Cincy?
2. The BCS is inherently flawed.
3. Texas is about to coast into Pasadena.
4. The only hugely relevant game remaining is the SEC title game.
5. Tim Tebow will win No. 4 because of Jesus, his parents, and Urban Meyer’s love and faith in him

Smartphone Clip Of The Week (Aside From The One Above):

Put it on when the Tide run out. The bar will start hopping. Fo’ sure.

Picks

Easy Like Sunday Morning: USC over Arizona State
Hard Like Peter North: OSU over PSU with a good performance by Pryor.